When i look at you...

Yeah, its the end of exams. Woohoo!! The taste of freedom is great! Haha.. Well, i'm pretty sure i won't really get REALLY good marks for ANY subjects. Sigh. Wonder how am i gonna face my mom. Uh-oh, i guess she won't half kill me. :( Ahh, but i'm really not in the mood to actually bother about that. Okay, maybe i am, because i just remembered that teacher is probably gonna give back our results today. Oops. Aww man! This is worst than i thought. But like i said, i'm tired of everything. I'm tired of bothering those stuffs that i probably can't handle, but i want to, because it means so much to me. I try to give up, i really tried, but i'm afraid it'll take longer time than my heart to heal. I know time heals it all, but, CAN I? I mean, it really isn't about whether i want or not, its whether i CAN or not.

I know, you'll say this is for the best. And it is, it really is. So i'm not gonna say "i can't live without you" these kind of stupid love thingys. I really don't know why people say that, yeah, it hurts, but it probably won't reach till there.. Or maybe it does. I know, at this time, studies first. I fully grasped the concept,but, its just so hard, everytime i read the old msgs you sent, it makes me feel like crying, but i won't and can't, because i made a promise to sweelynn that i'll be strong, she probably has enough worries to worry about. I don't want to burden her anymore, so i guess i'll just, TRY again. Harder this time. Nothing is impossible. But how?! the feelings are still as strong as it is. I...i don't know what to think anymore. Its not as easy as ABC. And i guess i could say that, this may be the first time i feel the desire to own something. I won't say ''your love is my drug''like Kesha's song, okay, maybe at first its like my habit of waiting for your msg..but, to think it would be all gone, i put my head between my hands and cry. I won't deny the fact that i cried now, because, i'm afraid i would explode like a japanese bomb one day. I would hurt the people i love, and for me, one person getting hurt would be enough.

Maybe its me who think so much, but i can't help wondering, who am i to you? I know you told me the answer, and it isn't what i expected, but, is it true? I mean, i really am starting to wonder what part about me that you like. I'm not pretty, i don't have a model size or height body, i'm not smart. I don't know, you know? Was it all a show? I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what i'm thinking anymore. Right now, my hands are just moving on their own accord. My mind is positively blank, so it must be my feelings typing these things out. I just Don't want to care anymore. I'm really very tired. I'm tired of cracking my brains to think of things to talk about, of not letting the tension be so thick, i'm tired of pretending nothing is wrong when everything is wrong; i'm tired of saying okay when its totally not. I'm tired of lol , ok, O, then these words! i'm not a robot, please, understand me.

I don't want a relationship, i just want to know that you care for me. I don't want any present for my birthday, i just want to know you're safe everyday. I don't want to talk when we're alone, i want to hear your heartbeat. Its enough for me.

When my world is falling apart,

when there's no light to break up the dark,

that's when I , I , I look at you.

When the waves are flooding the shore,

and i can't find my way home anymore,

that's when I , I , I look at you.