You Are What You Make Of Yourself.

Life is full of colours. You have your pick of M&Ns. ;D

Actually, I meant to write this for my friend. LOL.

Hey, um... i know lately you are kinda relying on someone. And i really want you to know that he's a good guy. You know who i'm talking about. I know, that's he has touched your wounds inside. I've noticed that whenever you talk about him, you always smile, i'm happy for you. And yeah, i know you don't want anybody to get hurt anymore. You're a kind girl, you'd rather you get hurt yourself and you don't want anybody getting hurt because of you. But that's just it, you can't make it that way. And i can see that you're stuggling. You are touched by him, but you're afraid. I know how you feel. You don't want a relationship, but you want him to stand by your side, be with you through your ups and downs, support you in everything you do, and.... feeling all protective around you. I know, i understand. Okay, maybe not very precise, but... still, we're both girls, we know how a girl feels right? And i know that's what he feels for you. I'm not asking you to accept him, and i know, you wanna focus, i'm just telling you to take it easy. Not easy, i know. LOL. anyway, he might always wait for you, then again, he might not. But, just so you know, i will always love you, even though we've only known each other for like... what? One year? And i really think God forgotten to give you as my sibling, so he sent you as my best friend instead. XD Love ya.

I know,

.

That's my point.

There is no such thing as in recovering fully in love, you might recover, but there will always be a crack.

Lately i haven't been blogging much i know. Well, i've decided to study starting from now. ;D Aww, come on, wipe that face off, i know your eyes must be bulging out of their sockets to know that i've started studying. And so, erm... well, i kind of feel tired of everything lately. Amazing what studying can do huh?

Anyway, i have a question, so i hope some can answer me, but what is trust? Is it something you must have in daily life? I noticed that we've been fighting/argueing a lot. But i feel like you're unhappy with me about some things. I don't know what you want me to do. He is only my best friend, and does that issue bother you so much? Does it matter to you? You just don't get it. Even though you told me that you trust me, i find it hard to believe you. Maybe, i'm over sensitive, but i'm not stupid. I know you, when you're angry, you tend to have this "whatever" attitude. And why is it so hard to trust me?

To be honest, when you said you can't accept that, i was so shocked. You can't imagine how it feels like, its like you were walking along the street minding your own business and suddenly an airplane lands right in front of you. All along you said you were fine and then now you tell me its not fine? Are you trying to kill me? =.=" You guys might be equally important to me, but its not the same. He's like my bro, you... its a whole different case.

When i see you, i'm almost afraid to look at you. I don't dare to look into your eyes, cuz i'm afraid that you might see my weakness. And you can't imagine how fast my heart beats when i see you, sometimes i swear that my heart stopped for that second. You don't know that's how i feel don't you? When i'm near you, i'm afraid to breathe, i'm afraid that you will hear my heart beating. And when i see you, its as if butterflies were flying in my stomach and this knot just can't ever be removed.

That's all I have to say.

Love is metaphysical gravity. ♥

You really have absolutely no idea. :X

Today, i was getting all grumpy and bad tempered because of some minor stuffs. Yeah, i am bad tempered. So anyway, i was going on and on about how other people and their siblings cope with each other and using other people siblings to compare with my sis to my mom. And when i was halfway through a sentence, my mom told me, you know, you don't hate your sister so much, its just that you're being bad-tempered now and really wanna let go. I understand, but you really don't mean it. And even though you are going to fight back and tell me "As a matter of fact, I DO mean it." You really don't mean it. Oh well.

And then i calmed down and thought, my mom's right, I don't mean it. I'm happy with my sister although sometimes we grit our teeth and feel like we wanna rip out each other heads just to get even. But that's the whole point isn't it? Siblings are meant to fight, and later hug each to make it up. Siblings are meant to talk about everything and stay up late just to talk about it. There isn't any way to cut this bond between family.

And i know, often some would say, " OHH! that lucky bitch! How i wish i were her !" well, you really don't wanna be her because she's a bitch as you just said. And comparing your life, your special-in-every-way-life, with someone who, perhaps you barely know, isn't worth it. Because you just DON'T KNOW what that person's been through. For all you know, that person may be a person with leukemia or aids, but they look so healthy. Yeah, when you're them, perhaps you'll think back, maybe being myself is the best. And this is the part, where you moan and groan and throw a humoungous tantrum and everybody you love gets hurt. Whoa, if you did that, congrats, you are so brilliant.

You have to know, if God made us all different, it means we were all meant to do different things. I'm sure this has happened many times, when you hope for this something, you got another thing instead. And later, you were furious and was thinking about flinging yourself off the highest floor. Well, don't even bother to think about it, it doesn't help. NOT that i've tried it before. -,- And next, you were so happy that you got this instead and it was at good purpose. Has that ever happened before? I'm sure it has. So, you see, everything happens for a REASON. Things may not come in the way that you expected it, but in a different way, that perhaps, changed you, or your point of view.

When i was small, i wanted a barbie doll every year for my birthday. Of course, that never happened. But, i got this barbie doll during one of my birthdays. My sister already has one, so i've been "harassing" my mom to get one for me. And she did, so i treasured the barbie doll and took really great care of it. And its still in good shape till now. Yes, i'm still keeping it. Shush. :X And the next year, i HOPED that she would get another one for me. But sadly, i didn't get anything for my birthday, or did i ? I've forgotten. But i remembered, i went to New Zealand and met my aunt's friends there, one of them gave me a book, and i still have it till now. It was this, TOY STORY BOOK, that led me to my current favourite activity, i suppose you should know. Reading.

Weird isn't it, how things work? It's fascinating to me. Absolutely mind-boggling. Explosive mind-booming. PHEW. I started to accept things they are now, like, i was trying to feed a bird that came into my garden but when i was reaching it, it flew away. =.=" i reckon it thinks i'm gonna catch it and torture it. I don't blame it. This means the bird is really smart to know what humans are thinking, NOT that i'm thinking about it. So anyway, this is what i have to say only. Good day people. ;D