List of movies...lawl.

Yea yea yea, i'm here to blog again..
No no no, its not gonna be an emo post..
At least, its gonna be a list of movies i plan to watch.

Hmm..

1. Valentine's day
2. Alice in Wonderland
3. The lovely bones
4. Sherlock Holmes(yeah, i know its a long time ago movie, so what?)
5. Alvin and the Chipmunks The squeekuel
6. Dear John
7. The Last Song
8. Harry potter and the Deathly Hallows
9. Eclipse *screams and faints
10. ....still waiting to fill in... LOL.

Omg omg..i seriously can't wait to watch these movies..I think if think anymore i really don't need to have exam already. LOL. Totally obsessed with movies man..LOL.

Anyway, anyone wanna teman me watch all these movies?? Haha..i'm just kidding. Of cos i need to watch with my friends lurhh.. watch those romantic movie with my parents, later in cinema watch halfway pull me out. LOL. Say, under 18 cannot watch .=.= zadao... So, i gotta go now! =) byee!!

Dear John...

Dear John, tell me everything, write it all down. That way ,we'll be with each other all the time even if we're not with each other at all...its a full moon here tonight which makes me think of you.Dear John...i miss you so much that it hurts.

Yeap, this is from the movie Dear John based on Nicholas Sparks novel. Omgg, i can't wait for this movie. I think its coming out soon..(at least,i hope so)..=.=

Just a short post, cuz i'm bored.

Seriously, i mean.. i know that exams are coming, but..

HOW THE HELL DO I STUDY IT?!!

omg..i feel like jumping off a cliff. LOL. JUst kidding.

Gahh...

What do you mean to me?

I finally know the answer.

You mean everything to me.

Regrets.. what's the use of it when it can't change anything?

Nah, i'm just posting another emo post..
so if u think i'm posting crap post,
just read until here and then you stop.

LOL.

I wondered again,
if i really just kept things to myself,
if i didn't go to NZ,
if just said i love you to him every night like usual,
would things turn out like this?
would i regret that i lost him?

Gee, sometimes, ppl are right..
life is unfair...or so, i thought.
Because we shouldn't ask for more?
Or is it because that's what God thinks?
I honestly do not understand..
until now,
I'M CONFUSED.

I can't gather up the courage to tell you 2 things that happened,
I keep getting the feel that if i tell you about this,
I will lose you forever.

I know, between 2lovers,
there shouldn't be any secrets..
but,well..yeah..you know, we're not..
and, we can't even have secrets that will keep both of them together?

Cheeching told me,
if something like this really happens,that is,
if the word gets out.
see the situation, and then only tell him.
Because, if i just break down in front of him and tell him,
it would end.
Just like holding a glass bottle and dropping it.

I didn't want to make it look like i forced you ,
so i didn't tell you about that misunderstanding..
you want it over,
yeah.. whatever you want.
But sometimes, i wish you would maybe try to understand what i'm feeling..
I don't want you to do what lovers should do,because we're not..
I just want to know that even if we're not together, you still have feel for me..
and talk to me about your day,what you're thinking,
because i'm no mind reader.

If i could read your mind,
then Edward could read Bella's mind then,
i know.. i know.. you told me you're sorry..
and i said okay. because it was really okay.
i didn't buy you or sign a contract that said you would be mine for eternity,
so i have to let go..though i know it isn't easy..
which is really NOT easy, phew,
i could sweat like hell whenever i don't see you,
and i find myself looking for you everytime i see the school bell rings..
i think i look like a red cooked lobster when i see you.
must be ironic , huh?

I don't know what is it about you,
that made me love you,
was i under the impression we were gonna be together for a very long time?
Yes. i was.
But now, i guess things didn't turn out the way we expected huh?
But, its okay..really.
If i can live to see you everyday laughing with your friends,
i thank God that he brought me to this world,
and met you. =)

I did those things was because i wanted to,
not because i want you to feel obligated to do something back in return for me,
because i feel that no matter how,
those things are worth it.
And i'm not kidding. LOL.

Some one said,
you know, i don't know what you see in him..
I will say back,
you know, you're really not in any place to judge him.
so just fcuk off you jerk.
(which is true, that person is a jerk)

LOL.

yeah, i think that's all..
phew..it is kinda good to let it all out..
xxx is right, i should let out everything once in a while,
or i'll go mad.
haha..i'm going to school soon,
gotta get ready..wish i was a vampire though,
could use the speed..haha! and the memory..LOL.=D

Pandu camp . Gahh. ==''.

Me and chee ching's phone.. yeah! same wall paper. LOL.==''..


Ho min was so happy when everyone of us got a big box of chocolate . WoW!

this is mine!! omgg!! thank you Datuk Yeoh!! X)

this is our campfire.. group one doing performance..cool thing!

and while we were hiking, the teachers use their car. so good. LOL.==''...

haha.. this one..i also dunno what we're doing. ==''..

ohh..they're doing the ladang kuda.. LOL.

Getting ready so we camwhore a bit. XD

Kailing...u sleep more than me lehh.. how come more tired lehh? =D

Oh gawd..my AJK so sampatt..haha! i ask them do de la.. LOL.==''..

Perasannya!! XD took for fun..=)

LOL.. i know i know..very perasan ==''..

she's washing her face.. and its all white..haha! u know, my setiausaha laughs like a horse. LOL.

see? look out of the window and you can see the LRT. LOL.==''..

LOL ~

okay, see this? this is siao suan's body shampoo. how did it get up there? well, while i was bathing, i forgot to bring my body shampoo in...then ask siao suan throw over..mana tahu..she throw until past my cubicle and landed on top. OOpsie ;X

this is our goal. haha!

random pic. LOL.

siao suan did this. hhaa!

this boy is really cute..and the girls too..=)

LOOK!!!a football in the middle of the padang.WOOHOO!!

see 2 legs on top of ss? that's mine. haha!

o.o.. sexy ! XDDDD

this is me!! the pro! LOL. i'm just kidding.. haha! chee ching took it,and she was quite Proud of herself for taking this photo. LOL.

LOL !!!!

Yeah, you must be thinking : "Is this called holiday ?!! One after another.. LOL!" yeah, this is not called holiday , this is called busydayS. LOL . So , wednesday afternoon, came back..went to bathe..was already half asleep when eating , then mom told me fast fast go pack my stuff then go tidur. Then my sis started to get really sick , so in the end , i have to sleep with my dad , respect elders? He sleep on my bed i sleep on a mattress lor. My dad so late come in , in the end, i have t sms to teman me sleep. LOL. I usually like a good chat befoe i go to bed , and now my sis sick , LOL.Sms halfway waiting for someone msg, then fell asleep cuz was really exhausted . LOL. sorry . ;X

then next morning wake up, saw the msg "someone" sent and replied. @.@ next, prepared everythng and my dad drove me to my pandu HQ. Saw a lot of campers and when i got down the car they were staring at me. I'm like a superstar. XD omgg, ;-) then, found melanie they all and went to help out. though do what i dunno. So in the end , helped to peel the onion and garlic. And you can guess, yeah..our hands smell like hell after that. =(

After that, we found a football in the middle of the padang! That's so cool! And i went all hyper and started to kick it. But, it was kinda running outta air . But what to do? that's the only thing to keep us entertained. So we start to go crazy. LOL. Took a few pictures, LOL.. play until like pro..LOL. Actually all of us has no idea how to play , all we know is, kick the ball and if it hits one place, we goal. LOL. very lame. Haha. but we still syok sendiri. And then tired ourselves out and went to the tent to rest. Took a few pictures. hmm..

Oh ya, next, we ditangkap pergi buat kerja . LOL. actually we want to ignore that lou gu po. ==''.. i know she's married , but i just simply say, then thought, aiya, we come here work de mar.. go la go la. So we went. Little did we know, we go until have to do banyak kerja tim! Like wash the pots and pans..then scrub the floor. Walao, cinderella meh?! ==''..then , it got on our nerves , cuz the lou gu po said, if we didn't wash one pot or plate, she will call us up even though we are sleeping . HUH!! i'd like to see that! YOu can call me up only you say this larh! U know, when i sleep , if you suddenly come and wake me up , i seriously won't choi you. You try shaking me, you kena larh. I will slap you and kick you really hard. I'm serious . LOL. Then she tell us, finish work don't try to cabut , if not want find us do things very hard . WALAO. we heard this all of us curi curi cabut lorh! then later she sendiri carry those things out. DAI SEI. LOL ==''..

Then, we went to sleep. But before that, we bathed and ate some midnight snacks. =)! LOL.. and then, keng gai for a while, then everyone went to sleep. zzz~~ IN the middle of the night , there was something really getting to me, so i talked with cheeching until around 2 sth a.m. COol eh? hahahaha. LOOL ! After that , we slept like a log . Skip SKip SKip. It was nearly dawn.. i was sleeping in the cozy sleeping bag when suddenly i heard "You're way to beautiful girl ,....~~~" I nearly screamed cuz it was so loud!! and it was chipmunk version!!! or so, melanie said so, i just heard this song, and then i was talking to myself, shut it! shut it..i keep saying. LOL.. but it rang every 10 minute. GAHH!. in the end, got tired of it, and woke up. the campers were already up and did their senaman pagi. LOL.

then , nothing interesting happened.. just went hiking. Actually want to walk until mid valley there.. but dunnno what the teacher say, cannot wor..so we walked back. Haiz. Then,went to 7-11. yeah! Bought some things. And saw some THINGS- condom. LOL. SWTZ!! selena was promoting it, and the worker there was looking at us.. AHAHAHAHa! I ran out of 7 eleven laughing.. LOL. LMAO!!! got a lot flavour de tim! dunno what brand, but saw the picture is 2 person (1boy 1 girl) on the bed. LOL. then we fast fast buy our things and walk out. MUAHAHAHA! Very funny .. LOL. Then, nothing interesting happened. siao suan and cheeching went back, so me and melanie we wondering around the whole place and just walked into our room and started to talk.. LOL. talk until we lost track of time. But, wow.. exchanging stories were such fun things.. HAHA! ==''...

Then ho min became our "light bulb" and called me.

Wei er, where are you?!

HUH? where are you wor?!

i'm in the hall..!!

OHhh...then?

Fast fast come help!

okay.

then me and melanie went out of the room to help to serve those campers. LOL.. so good..got ppl serve..==''.. we AJK makanan eat leftovers. And to somebody, We are AJK makanan. Not kitchen workers. GAhh. Really like mother like daughter. ==''.. kitchen workers wor.. no wonder no one choi you larh. ==''..LOL then, after cleaning up everything.. bla bla bla.. campfire wor.. skip this part larh.. quie sien lor.. then, erm.. habis.. want to go and bathe. MAna tahu?!! Bo water wor!! OMGG!!! i was near to tears.. cuz i'm so sticky, so of course need to bathe lar.. and was thinking of evry single way how to get water.. then someone told me, "use mineral water". and then, we started searching for mineral water but it will waste a lot. So we connected a pipe to those toilet place and bathe.. ew..i nearly puke. but what to do?got bathe better than no bathe lor.. ==''..then sms for a while.. and melanie went out to talk on her phone.. so i was alone in the room. And, fell asleep. When melanie came back she saw my phone on the floor.. so she know i fall asleep ady. Phew. So tired. And then, we went to sleep. nothing else. OHh!! Chee ching came back the next morning! and we syok sendiri holding a stick and dance the chicken dance. haha.. Then those flag pole, we carry it ony our shouder like a tootoo train, and started to march. Omgg..so funny..haha.. selena gave stupid commands larh!! haha! anyway, that's all. for now.. i need to prepare for school already. =) byee!!

Pengawas kursus

me and ying lee.. LOL. syok sendiri. haha!


Another one.. =)

okay, so today was the pengawas kursus . Nick , as the penasihat for this group ask us to come early . early which means , it starts at 8 a.m. , you go to school at 7a.m. Understood? LOL. So anyway , woke up at 6 .45... took me quite a while to get ready (cuz, you know, when ppl wake up in the morning can't be really hyper .LOL.) [ESPECIALLY SO EARLY!!!] LOL. anyway, reached school , saw nick and yinglee.. I guess they were fighting again. They always do. I think? um, anyway, skip the crap. Went to discuss bla bla bla.. then went to blok g, didn't bring my phone that day . but, i think because i'm used to it , every 5 seconds i'm putting my hand into my pockt to check. LOL. only to find nothing.

Okay, then we had some activities , that included playing with...our date- M-U-D. gee, once that smell hit me , i had the urge to vomit . seriously. And while we were playing , something happened, contents are not to be revealed. LOL. nearly dirampas lor our flag.. Next, played something VERY GRUESOME . we had to put a wee fish into our mouths . OMG. i could seriously tell you me and ah Bock nearly vomited at the spot. We couldn't bear to touch the fish , let alone put it into our mouth . Oh gross. Then , we had this drinking thingy ,eww.. that one.. after drinking it , i ran to the nearest basin and rinse my mouth . LOL. then , this came the really gross part , (for me) the watermelon competition . Everyone share?!! what about hygene?!! oh gosh , had the urge to cry , MOMMY! LOL. honestly , i ate one tiny mouth and i just threw it. LOL.

Later , we had a tug-a-war competiton . 1st time, we won. 2nd time , we lost . 3rd time , the feng shui not good , so we lose. LOL . and then compete compete , until 4 groups masuk semi-final. Nothing else .

then, there reallly wasn't a lot of thing to say,so let's skip to the 2nd day.

First , came to school. Walked through the big gate , and tan ke weh called , Ei joan! help. then i go help.. cuz i bring very little things . X) Then , we walked together to blok g. And , then.. a few briefing , then semifinal for the tug-a-war . Wasn't really interested and can't really support any group , cuz both group also have friends , so in the end, me ying lee, kathy , ching zhou and nicol end up lazing in blok g. LOL.

Then comes the interesting part , we had this cooking competition. i think i skip this part lar.. cuz sweelynn is screaming at me to fast fast post. XD LOL. then we prepared drinks , and the food is, Sushi , Pancake , and steamboat . So yeah, you get the picture , everyone's stomach was huge . LOL. me and nicol keep touching each other stomach. ==''... LOL. then clean up everything, bla bla bla . Then played treasure hunt , skip everything la.. boring contents . LOL. then , nothing . That's all ! =) byee! x)

School Day~

Okay, so today, it was an okay day. But the really cool thing about today is, ITS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!!! ==''.. LOL..And anyway, Um..just wanna wish Andrew Phang and Chan Yue Lian happy birthday. I wished andrew, but i forgotten to wish yue lian!! Ahh!! So sorry..T.T..LOL. hehe...=)

Anyway, there isn't really anything to talk about except that i can tell you guys about moi holiday plan. =) okay , for the whole week of the hols, i'm busy. LOL. i seriously am. Here's me schedule:

Monday: 10-11a.m..i have a church event
Tuesday and Wednesday: 8a.m.-5p.m.. I have pengawas kursus. *KILL ME ==''...
Thursday to Saturday: I am going for pandu camp...though i'm just gonna help there..the form 1's are taking the exam. LOL

Okay, menuruti schedule tersebut, DO YOU THINK ITS CALLED A HOLIDAY?!!! LOL..i don't think so too. ==''.. Or maybe you think so , but..whatever. LOL...

Its just a crap post anyway,..um.. gotta go then.

Byee!! =P

Sports day!

Sports day, mostly i spent the whole day running around..doing pandu things..even when i'm suppose to do my duty. LOL. Okay, i'll start what happened from the day before sports day, actually i wasn't suppose to sit the bus, but in the end, wencai asked me to do something for her, and i promised her. In the end, my mom got pissed because i was using the phone so much that she gave up and told me, "tomorrow morning i'll drive you to school. this is the first and lst time i'm doing this. Understand? " " YEs, ma'am!" *salute. ==''..So i went and prepare everything i should bring or wear..blah blah blah. And then, i keep fiddling with my phone, sms with "him". And my mom ask me put down the phone, i said, i have to inform my pandu people some things. Then she went quiet. XD *evil.

Went to sleep with a BIG smile on my face. LOL. And then, in the morning , i heard my alarm clock ringing like hell..i had the feel to slam the whole alarm clock to the wall..before i even had time to reach out my hand..my mom rushed into the room and threw the alarm clock at me. And i woke up with a start. GAHH!!! If i have heart attack,how?!! ==''.. so anyway, i haven even stretch, my phone rang. So i ran out of my room, (still in my pajamas!)==''.. and before i got there, it stopped ringing. Oh, it was karhoe. LOL. Then i called back..he ask,

Karhoe:Joan?
Me:yeah?
Karhoe: what's up?
Me: err...why you call me?
Karhoe: ohh..uh..did i wake you up?
Me: No..what you want?
Karhoe: okay,erm...do you have extra marching shoes?
(because he was using chinese, i had a hard time differenciating whether he was saying black shoes or marching shoes) LOL
Me:Black shoes or marching shoes?
KArhoe: err..marchign shoes.
Me: sorry..i don't have extra.
Karhoe: um..nevermind. sorry ya..wake you up.
Me: no problem. LOL.

I think my mom wanted to say thanks to karhoe for waking me up.. ==''..haha! LOL.Then i changed my clothing and clipped my hair..double checking everything..and out we go! I was starting to get nervous because i was really scared..about what is going to happen. LOL. Am i going to faint? I hope not. LOL. anyway, i reached school..and skip the crap. OHh!! i saw him. LOL i thought he went to the stadium already..LOL. and then, skip skip skip. Reached the stadium, on the way, cynthia was commenting on the driver.. like when he could take another turning into the stadium he went another way. so cynthia said, He wants to kidnap us all. LOL!!! LMAO man! ME and melanie were like, laughing like hell. And then cynthia talk very loud like, Of course must drive in more so we don't neeed walk so much mar!! And then me and melanie were asking, are you sure he dunno chinese? LOL haha!

And then the uncle drop us somewhere where we need to walk ourselves to the keris besar. LOL. haha! quite funny that time. CYnthia was grumbling.. saying wah! this uncle kidnap us halfway then know i know he want to kidnap us just simply throw us! I call my Ahmad drive better lorh! AHAHAAH!! really LMAO. LOL. So we walk there and then i was starting to get a stomach ache..i'm so nervous! I feel like i could puke. LOL. OHh!!! We saw Hue Zhi Yang, CHen Yan Kye and YUe sum and Beh ying zhen holding there blazers, SO yeng!!! And then, skip skip skip..my sis directed us where we had to go..the tunnel there, and we went through the blue khemah thing. I go in only realize. LOL. but, i had to go from there no matter what. So, whatever. saw him and accidentally poked my sis with the tiang bendera. oopsie :X sorry ya. LOL. And so, its starting...im freaking out..and xinmei said, don't forget. He's looking. Okay, that made it worst.What if i did something wrong? I would be like a total failure!! And i don't want him to see it! AHhH!! Fortunately, i can hear Carolyn's command, if not i'm gonna be slower than the rest. LOL. Phew...it was really a sigh of relief. And then, we went out again and stood there for what? Half an hour?!!! that stupid idiot teacher talk so long, does he have any idea my hand is gonna break soon?!! and then i heard this news, kailing, my bendahari...fainted. As in, lost conscious. Omgg..i started to feel like i'm gonna cry soon. And then more ppl were carried out. And i started crying and crying because i was so scared. And my hand was already numb. I couldn't feel it anymore. And then, xinmei was whispering, wei er! hold on!! its gonna end soon..just hold on! And because i couldn't let down my whole team,( they worked so hard! ) I held on. ANd when we were suppose to walk back,..i walked back..and i felt my hand couldn't take it anymore. And we were nearly in the tunnel, my hands gave way, and my knees buckled. And then everyone was like, Omgg!! wei er!! And then everyone carried me to a floor and took off my gloves and shoes and my burrete. LOL. And i cried and cried. Happy that this was over. But, suddenly i felt that, this is cool . If i could do it again, i would. HAHA. And then, we went to rest. I started feeling okay already. Thanks to melanie's joke, I was talking behind there all the time! haha!

And then, everyone heard that cheer was gonnna start soon. Everyone ran to watch cheer. haha! Pandus' were running crazily as if it was robbert pattinson in there. LOL!! I went to change my clothes..LOL.and then, went to tugas. Left someone to guard the door. HUH! i am not guarding the door if that's what you're thinking. =P to that someone. LOL. so anyway, went in to look around, in the end, watch cheer with my juniors. XD haha..skip skip skip again. went all around looking for him..not pruposely, just looking. LOL. Cuz i had to do pandu things too. And, finally ran with Kah yee to find her bag. Saw him duck in somewhere but wasn't in the mood to care because it may be a matter between life or death. LOL. just kidding. heard them laugh but whatever. LOL. and then, changed back to pandu uniform for upacara penutup. wee~they started announcing the winner... and PBSM won the 1st. well, they did do well. and they trained really hard. but, scouts wasn't really happy about that. and everyone noticed, when scouts didn't win, pandu wasn't really happy even though we got 2nd. we didn't jump or what. saw him jump when PBSM won. felt a bit...a lot of mixed emotions inside. GAHh.

Went home with wencai after that, laughing in the car with wencai wenxi. LOL i think their mom was trying not to laugh a lot, haha! and then reached home and stripped off my dirty clothing. LOL. chaged into a pair of want to wash liao de clothing, and sat down. he texted me. whoaa. undescribable feeling. LOL just kidding. and then, spent the whole afternoon lazing around, finally, went to sleep. LOL

Well, i guess that's all. I haven't got my pictures, but i'll try to post them up as soon as possible. LOL. BYe!!

p/s:xinmei, akan belanja makan tak? sangat san fu wehs hold the flag. XD *evil.

Phew, school school school school school! that's all that i ever hear as long as i live i think. Which is, really..not so bad. Just, sometimes i get so frustrated by other things and i will start screaming my head off. I don't really know why, but..i do kinda look forward going to school sometimes.. don't really know why. LOL.

Remember my last post i was so..pessimistic about things? HAha, well.. turns out things weren't exactly that way. I mean, maybe couples DO fight. But, we are not a couple. Full stop. A big fat round full stop. Yeah.. and hey sweelynn, I don't know, thank me for being sensitive sometimes please. ==''.. You know, you said so yourself, Accept the person you love as he or she is. Gee, that's who I am..can't you accept that? Or are you planning to divorce me? XD haha. Well, anyway, i'm glad you're really happy with him. So, to my wife-in-law (yeah i know its lame,but i invented this. LOL), treat her well or you'll be dead faster than you can say, Arnold Schwarzeneger. And seeing the fact that you are, well..not-so-..err.. you-know-what, i don't think you can react to what i say. LOL. I'll make sure you pay for the consequences. No worries about that, its taken care of. And sweelynn, if you hurt him, i have NO IDEA what to do or say. OKAy, maybe i should be quiet. :X

I currently feel like doing some things :
Like, for instance,

I feel like writing a song,
I feel like finishing my book,
I feel like doing bungee jumping (its just an expression that i feel like doing something exciting,LOL)
I feel like saying I LOve You to someone forever...
I feel like living with my loved ones forever...

Ohh..i don't know what i'm thinking anymore.

GAH.

Byeee...=)

I was complaining to sweelynn again. And she was really starting to get impatient.. i can tell.. But,she really calmed down..and asked me to calm down. LOL. I couldn't really wrap my head around things. WHy do guys actually like to get on girls nerve? I mean, okay...i don't know if these usually happen between couples or what...but, okay..we're not a couple. First things first. But, we always bicker over some things! REally stupid things. I don't know why. Mel and sweelynn say they bicker with they're dot dot dot too! But, as in.. those cuddly couple way..that is, sweelynn only. I don't know about Mel, but i'm pretty sure they do it maturely. LOL. But, when i say,bicker..okay..maybe bicker isn't the right word. Its should be, quarrelling. Yeah, we quarrell all the time. Its like, we completely stopped trusting each other. I find it hard to believe him..(is it because of what his friends say?) and he finds it hard to believe me too. Well, not exactly..he trusts me with this BIG secret...and, deep down, i'm glad he shared this with me. But, he was like, please don't tell your friends bla bla bla.. okay, fine i zip my mouth. So going back a little, we can't exactly trust each other. But, i know i still love him. I truly love him. Is it going to end just like that? I don't really want it to be like that.. i want it to be...perfect.

Sometimes i would think to myself, after form 5? that's easy. All I have to do is keep the faith. But i've thought about myself only, i never thought about him. what about him? What if i was still deeply , unconditionaly in love with him when he falls for another girl? how am i supposed to live? i tried not to think so negatively, but, i'm not the most prettiest girl in the whole world! there are, gee..how many millions out there who are hotter and gorgeous! (though i wouldn't categorize myself as hot or gorgeous, but in plain looking. LOL) When i was in primary school, i used to think that I would be a nun when i'm grown up. Dating and getting married is so hard!! But, when i started secondary, whoaa. my whole opinion changed. I fell in love, so deeply that no matter how hard i try, i think i would never be saved. I don't really know what's he thinking... if i could, then Edward could read Bella's mind then. Sometimes i feel that, he is...complicated. Everything about him is sophisicated. Its hard to figure him out. Even when we text, the contents of what he says, cannot give me a hint on, whether he is smiling, or he's angry or annoyed..or when he gets my message, what is his reaction? I can't really think straight. Everytime i'm near him, I never dare to breathe. Its like, if we breathe in the same air at the same time, i would vanish. Because I'm in his world now.. I couldn't just leave like that. There were so many things i planned to tell him last time, and i thought, Oh well, that can wait...we have tons of time. Little did i know, because of a misunderstanding, it ended. I remember that day, i was so mad at my dad that i didn't even kiss him goodnight and hug him like i was still his little girl. I guess there were question marks all over his head. And I cried myself to sleep. SOmetimes I thought, if i never became a prefect, we would never be together. If I never went to NZ, this would never happen. If i didn't take a walk with my dad that night, and hear him say those 5 words that got me straight jumping to the conculsion, this would never happen too. If i just kept everything to myself, and told him i loved him as usual every night, things wouldn't be like this now.

SOmetimes, i feel like giving up everything and just drop dead. Why can't i just give up? Life's so hard! But, i realized, without all these little things that happen, life would be miserable and not challenging. But, why can't things work out between me and him? Because its not by chance, its by work. I finally understand this. A relationship is between two people, and both of them must work hard to keep on...if not, it would just be like some ppl who just thought giving up was the easiest solution.

If i could do anything now,I would turn back the time, change the elders thinking, and making the decision of not telling him.

So, that's all for now folks! Byee!

p/s: thanks sweelynn and mel, for the advice. totally appreciate it. Karhoe too, but if things don't work out the way you guys hoped, i'm sorry to disappoint you guys. T.T.

Sincerely,

Joan

Oh Gawd.

I'm dying now.

Gahh.

Sweelynn, Ying lee.... forget it.

Its not going to help or anything.

I'll admit defeat when the time comes.

Revive blog!! Revive!! I can't live without you!! ==''..

Okay, first i'm gonna blog and tell you guys about Chong Ying Lee, who went psycho one day and burnt our experiment paper. haha! So we were doing this experiment (seriously, i don't know about what) And we were supposed to lightly put the filter paper above the fire..not too low. Or it will be burnt, and there was oil on the paper, and we were waiting for the paper to see what was the outcome, and ying lee just put it too near the bunsen burner, and then..the next thing i knew, ppl were screaming...LOL. C'mon lar..just a small fire need to run out of the class anot?! We also haven run, what the hell are you running for?!! ==''.. then we put out the fire already, everyone let out a breath in relief..haha!

And,yesterday.. ying lee went hyper and sang songs in Bengkel. Omgg..i think the teacher was near to pulling out her own hair because me and ying lee were so tau ge..OMG. Then i didn't bring my KH nota, so quickly grabbed shin chien de..haha!! She gan jeong until simply grab a book too!! haha!! luckily the teacher didn't notice. Professional fakers man all of us.. was just chatting with my New Zealand friend, AManda, and she told me they have strict plagarism guidelines now..haha! so they can't copy homework in NZ.. well, at least there's something good here. XD.=)

Was mad at him yesterday night. I was so so so mad! And i am mad now too. Why do i get the feeling that...ugh!! Nevermind, I give up. I know sweelynn, i still love him, but how can i talk to him without getting mad everytime?!! You get me a solution, and i'll do what you want me to do. DEAL. ==''..

Anyway, i gotta go now. I haven't started on my homework. GAHH. and i have 15 minutes and i nidda go to school now. O-M-G.

Happy Birthday KAr Hoe!!!!! =)

Okay, first things first,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAR HOE!!!=)

My best wishes to you bro. =D peace! CHEERS!! HAHA..LOL

Anyway, i haven't really got to say a lot to you today..so yeah, i'll say it here.I think i'll start from the time when i first saw you. I remembered that me and cheeching were new and we walked in from the back door. You were sitting nearest to the door and you told me and cheeching that there was a space available there. Seriously, i felt grateful to you. Cuz it was kinda awkward standing outside the class..LOL. ha..um.. so, that was the first time we met. LOL.

And then, loads of things happened when pn norhaizan changed our place right? ha..i was sitting with sweelynn...and you were in front..things were really fun that time. LOL. I remembered asking you a question, Eih, karhoe, if want to have baby need to do that meh? AHAHAHAHAH!! i know you dizadao..haha..that was really stupid. haha.

And then, pn norhaizan changed our place again, you were sitting beside me and sweelynn on the other side.And yuesum behind me...OMGG, that time was the most stupidest time..LOL. remember that time sweelynn pull my shirt up? LOL!!! oh, and remember the time i was mimicking sweelynn talking? and then she said i was touching her boobs(LOL!!)but i wasn't exactly paying attention and i just copied..LOL. Stupid i know..There are stil a few funny things..but i can't really recall.. Oh wait! there's one.. remember the time my neck became stiff? and i could hardly move..haha! and then yue sum keep wanting to push me head right and left..and you were practically shouting at me to move my head. haha... oh gawd..that sure was idiotic. XD

Wow, thinking back..it was like yesterday.. when i think back i would find it really memorable..haha.. and sometimes, i wonder.. if there really is second life, i hope i would be able to know you and our BFFL group. i mean,well...u know.. LOL. and well.. him. XD

And, i really wanna thank you for helping me and him. you know, you've helped so much.. and i'm sorry that things didn't quite turn out the way you hoped..LOL. ==''.. but, you helped so much,..i think it must be time for us to work out our problems ourselves. Of course, i hope you will meet your..you-know-who. LOL.haha. anyway,i gotta go now.. mop the floor aa..~~~ haha!

Lastly,

HAIRPEE BURBDAY KARR HOUUUU :X

Normal english =) XD haha!

Do you know how much i love you?
You probably won't know, yeah..cuz i never really told you..
I love you more than my life.
No, i'm not kidding. ==''.

I always wondered how was the pain going to subside when you left,
but, until today..the pain remains.
And there's no turning back.
I know, and i respect that decision. =)

If you ever find another girl,
i'll support you, even though i know the pain is going to be unbearable.
But, from the bottom of my heart, i just want you to be happy.
Just this simple.

Looking back at the text messages you sent me,
I find it ironic cuz it was like, we would be together forever.
I couldn't find the words to put in when you said i was beautiful.
Finally, a guy who said beautiful instead of hot. ==''...

Even though you were a timid guy
who was not really big on expressing your feelings,
I still loved you more than any guy
who expressed his feelings more romantic than any other guy.

I know i'm weird in some ways,
but you accepted that in many ways
and always found a positive solution to think about.

You respect me,
and when i say i don't want,
you will not push me to the end,
and just accept it good naturedly.

I love you,
and i know that you want the best for us,
studies first, then maybe we'll talk these later,
i accepted that when you first told me,
but i just didn't want to give up.

Just want to let you know,
I'll wait...

and, I Love You.