Happy Birthday to me.

So yeah, its my birthday again. But everything's different this year. No surprises, no him. Well, i guess i'll have to learn to accept facts and ignore fictions in my life. Its a busy year next year, i am so gonna study hard cuz i wanna get into good college and study overseas. DON'T EVER UNDERESTIMATE ME. HAHA. I will show you my awesomeness. Just you wait. ;P

It's okay. I don't blame you. Afterall it is my fault that i'm not good enough to make you stay. I will better myself these times. And then you will see the REAL me. I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask how you are. I hope you will see something that will make you wish you had stayed. I've always had everything planned out, but i never plan on you walking out of my life. I've never wanted you to regret any decision you make, but this time, I really hope you know what you've lost. But if you dont come to realize its a lost, that's fine with me. As long as you're living how you want your life to be, since our "point of living" is different. Whatever that meant. But nothing is going to stop me from going out with all your best friends, as in, we become best friends. And no matter what, I will always think about my best friends first, under certain circumstances of course. But i want to give you a piece of advice, if you truly love a girl, you will love her everything including her friends, her flaws. I guess, you just didnt know that. I really hope, you find a girl who can accept you for who you are, and have the same "point of living".

I loved you. I always did. It's just, you never trust me; you never did.
If you come back to me now, i would still love you.
But if you decide against it, I wish you will know you lost something important.













I Hate You.
I Love You too.
But I Love You more than I Hate You. ;/

我真的非常喜欢你。我也不想骗谁，说过得很好。我对不起自己罢了。我承认，这一切都是我一手造成，让你难过，我真的不知道该怎么道歉。但是，如果分手能够解决一切问题，那么全世界都不会有夫妻。因为，问题是用来巩固一段感情。我本来想和你一起承担，解决问题。但看来，你一点都不想。好吧，祝你愉快。再见。

跟你在一起，我从来没想过放弃。

So yes, another heartbreak. I don't know what to do. Talk about the stupidest reason to break up. I always thought you would understand, and we did promise to never argue over stupid things. But now you just thought leaving would be best, i should've known it when i tested you. I don't wanna get my hopes up anymore. I just wanna be a normal person. Why isit so hard to just let go? I know these things need time, and i will get used to it. And when that time comes, i'll show you how well i've been living. I'll make you believe the impossible, and i'll show you and everyone that, silent prayers can be answered too.

One day, i'll be fine. I've lived 12 years of my life without you, sure i can live without you now. And i will. but you know,

Somehow you lost feel, i get that its my fault. And it is truly my fault. I admit. So if you lose interest in me just because i dont spend time with you, i wont agree with you. I wont even bother to talk to you. Because:

Come back come back come back to me like you would you would if this was a movie stand in the rain outside till i came out.

Come back come back come back to me like you could you could if you just say you're sorry,
I know that we could work it out somehow.
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now.

Fiction.

First, i'm showing you guys something that's totally worth the time! XD

Normal....

WINK! *screams! and faints. -,-*

Isn't he adorable? GAH. I'm so high now! XD anyway. nothing really exciting today... Except, something stupid happened. -,- Well, it didn't exactly "happen" as it was clumsy me... Accidentally doing it. lol!

Its like that, i got up in the morning, and then i went to brush my teeth and did my stuffs. Anyway, i saw my mom prepareing burger for me. And my hands and mouth itched to get it. So i made no effort of stoping myself. Unfortunately... I ran out of time and i rushed down so i wouldn't miss the bus. But yeap, i forgotten to wear my glasses. lol!. -,- So you can guess that i was practically blind the whole day in school. Lol!

That pretty much does it. -,- And later, our english teacher who was absent for quite a few days, (and she hasn't given us back our english paper 2! TT) told us her story of why she was absent. Her grandfather passed away... *tears in eyes*, so she went back to Kuching attended all the funeral.... And came back, without the papers. -,- *RAWR* lol! But that's okay, whatever. lol!

That's about it. I'm soooo tired cuz i'm sick. Sorry guys. TT

Oops. ;/

You bet. ;D

Yea yea i know. Its like since forever since i have updated my blog. Well i'm really sorry but i was busy studying (YEAH RIGHT*rolls eyes*). No, i'm really serious, i really did study. And YES, if you have to know, it does make a BIG difference between NOT studying and studying. -,- But, why the annoyed looks? I did apologise, didn't i? ;D aww c'mon don;t gimme that look. -,- Its either you find this amusing or you're just plain boring with no sense of humour. JUST KIDDING.

Anyway, urm... its been hectic since i haven't blogged. Which is, the reason why i did not... you know, update this dude. Brief explanations:

I was so so so so so so so so so so so BUSY.

There. Short and sweet.(like minskirt)ps: this quote was from my chinese teacher. @@

Anyway, okay. i've finished exams and just wanted to tell you guys bout my incredible marks. You would just laugh your head off when you see these. Just, be sure to pick it up before it rolls down the hill. But seeing that we're not living anywhere neatr the hills, you'll have to chase it for a long way. LOL! Nah, i'm just talking crap. Gosh... i'm so tired. -.-I've changed my mind, i'm not gonna tell you guys bout my "incredible" marks. We can store it in the hush-hush business.

I'm so frustrated lately. Things are going wrong and worse. Phew. How do people cope with it when i'm on the edge of the cliff? -,- Argh, i don't know what to say. Ending it seems impossible. Mimicking nicholas these few days, i'm like... the chipmunk version... or in modern days, one of the iphone apps, TALKING TOM! Yea, normally i am annoyed. but it seems i'm annoying nicholas more. AHAHA. -,- Its just so crazy now. LOL!

Anyway, i gotta go, my mom is coming home any second, RUN! XD

Peer pressure.

I know its been a long time since i've blogged. I've been so busy everyday, catching up with homeworks, assignments, friends, gossips... I haven't even slept well. LOL actually i did. Ok, fine i was kind of lazy. But i don't wanna close my blog so i'll just drop by and just brief you guys bout what's on. LOL.

Anyway, today i logged in to blog about peer pressure and trusts in friends. I don't really know where to start, i love all my friends, i really do, its just sometimes i wish they could understand that i'm not the same as them. I like to put up my leg when i sit so i do that, so what if i look .... well, not-lady-like? I simple don't care how i look. Because i was born this way, and i like the way i am.

And, great. we move on to boys. I don't like to talk bout it but i'm just gonna have to talk bout it if not i'm losing my sanity. Yes, maybe i do feel something for him, but i'm trying to stop it. This is just me being silly. And i don't know what to say,i don't wanna tell you is because i know you'll go round telling ppl bout it. Sigh. high school. this is all peeps. TT

Joanie.

Thousand Apologies.

Forgive me? XD

Ah crap. Before you guys start pummeling me with questions, i will say sorry for... not updating my blog. I have a very good reason, the reason is... actually come to think of it, nah, i don't have a reason. One sentence, i admit, i ditched my blog. -,- But anyway, i'm back people! Put your hands up! XD Nah okay fine whatever.

Yeah, its been pretty insane lately. Not lately only, since the last time i blog, everything is going so fast, like.. Phew. I don't even know how we got here. But anyway, since we're here, erm... i'll just brief slightly about what happened recently, and recently, and recently. Hmm.

So yeah, let's skip some boring parts shall we, January skip. Chinese new year... Hmm, okay then i'll just say a LITTLE bout it. As usual, i went back to my hometown, had a fight with my dad in the car(we're both hot tempered so mostly i'm the only one who fights back during a fight)-,- reached there, ate lunch, spent the few days there eating , watching tv, sleep. eat , tv, sleep. And you can bet, yeap. The word GUILT is written all over my face. Gosh. That's why, i need to swim to.. well, don't feel so guilty. -,- Um, there are a lot of first times there. Like the first time i woke up and took a walk in the morning too, but of course i'm not a bad girl like CHAN SWEELYNN, i told my mom only i went out. See? I'm telling you i'm not so bad. And the first time i DID NOT drink soft drinks at all. I'm kinda impressed with myself. C'mon gimme a round of applause man. *clap clap clap*

Ahh lame. I know Lately,i've been high and crazy. People can't stand me i think. XD

Hmm... Back to school. Its such a pain in the ass. Gosh, i feel like my whole body is still in holiday mood. I lose myself in school. I can't remember what i just did , can you believe that? I mean, that really sucks. LOL. Let's start with monday. Nothing... Unspecial. Because everyday i laugh like mad, we curi makan in class. CRAP! i know! I'm bad, but not so bad like CHAN SWEELYNN.

tuesday. . .aka today.

Had some sort of march thingy going on. Quite in a bad mood during marching cuz someone pissed me off. -,- Sigh. This person is tired of living i guess. He has absolutely nothing to do that's why he wanted to piss me off. -,- Which makes me a bad person scolding all the bad word. Super, that makes me really happy. TT

Anyway, gotta go people. Ciaoz. XD

21st of Dec : A letter to OPO ♥

Cute right? Come to think of it, this looks a bit like you. XD well, except for the ribbon.

Dear OPO , just got your message through windows live messenger. I must be looking like an idiot now who keeps smiling. I think i'm gonna have a crack on the side of my mouth XD haha. Anyway, hope you're fine there. The weather's quite cold here, (YA, i know, in MALAYSIA, cold?! *freaky* XP) so i'm wondering whether you're hugging yourself for warmth there. Haha. If not enough, there's actually some here. XD

So anyway i was going to blog about what happened today. Not much actually, just that my friend came over and we did log files together. Haha, yea i'm still doing log files. Swtz right? And yea laughed a lot, i even forgotten bout you for quite a moment. XP just kidding . Just sometimes i need something to take you off my mind. LOL. but overall, i'm fine. It's like living my everyday life.

Then i watched the korean drama. Yea, i nearly died of excitement. haha. Shinwoo is... Haiz. Really good LOL. So that's all , for now. Nothing exciting ever happens here. T.T too bad huh?

Am starting to count down. X) So, hope you're having fun there. ;D miss you.

joan (;

20th of Dec : A letter to OPO ♥

Dear OPO, its been quite a fun day today. I couldn't get use to you NOT texting me in the morning, which i suppose became a habit for me to keep checking my darn phone. And then it strucked me that you were never going to text me. Only then, i tossed my phone somewhere else. Where, i'm not quite sure yet. But, it may probably turn up whenever someone calls. Right now, i'm too lazy to even go find for it.

Hmm starting off with morning, i woke up quite early. Perhaps around 7? Was it? I'm not quite sure. Well, i woke up that early because the youths are coming over to my place to play basketball and swim. I don't suppose you know them, so i'll skip the introductions. Anyway, we played basketball and halfway resting , i couldn't help thinking bout you. And i suppose its because i wasn't doing anything. So i got up, and joined them again. It didn't exactly work, but i suppose better than nothing. Isn't it? Okay, i really had fun today ;D So you don't need to worry. I'm perfectly fine ;)

After that , we went to MAMAK stall to eat. I think my sister suggested that we go the restaurants near our school. =.=" you know what? There's a mamak just along my place and we're going that far . Yea, i suppose she lost it. BIG TIME. TEEHEE XD anyway, we ordered the food and it took more than ... what, 10 minutes? for the guy to get our order right. But, guess what? He still got one wrong. =.=" i ordered my roti canai but it never came. T.T so i was left with ... well. NASI LEMAK. UGH.

So after that, i think all of us ate already so perhaps we become comfortable and all of us got dilemma. Well, maybe some. Because we were deciding to whether swim or NOT swim. Because the pool was dirty, so we went to the other condo there to swim. =.=" And anyway, i swam today. LOL. And while i was in the water, (because there was a case that a kid drowned in the pool)so i was thinking, how come he drowned and loads of other stuff. Which made me thought of you. AGAIN. You don't know how to swim. LOL. But, oh well, nevermind.

So then it rained. And we had to go up. Okay, then we went to my house, had a hot milo and they went. And then something happened (if you wanna know. remind me to tell you bout it) and then i was too tired so i slept. So that's bout it. At night, i'm gonna watch the drama. *screams and faints* ;) haha. I hope you're having fun there, OPO. And i miss you a lot.

I love you , OPO ♥

joan

Speak Now. ♥

*screams and faints* ;)

Ain't she pretty? XD except for her outfit. LOL!

Well, some of you know that my BFF's got me Taylor Swift's album. *jumps up and down, screams and faints* Phew, do not worry. I am fine. Anyway, found this... Prologue, she wrote. Wonderful, absolutely inspiring i see. Boy, is she talented! She sings awesome songs, has awesome voice, writes awesome songs, and is so breathtakingly beautiful. ;D Sigh.

Anyway, will just type it to let you guys read bout it. Really good. I salute her. *SALUTE* TEEHEE!

"Speak now or forever hold your peace," the words said by the preachers at the end of wedding ceremonies all over the world, right before the vows. It's a last chance for protest, and a moment I've always been strangely fascinated by. So many fantasize about bursting into a church, saying what they'd kept inside for years like in the movies. In real life, it rarely happens.

Real life is a funny thing you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, the most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I've begun to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything.

I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life, and looking back regretting the moments we didn't speak up. When we didn't say 'I love you'. When we should've said 'I'm sorry', When we didn't stand up for ourselves or someone who needed help.

These songs are made up of words I didn't say when the moment was right in front of me. These songs are open letters. Each is written with a specific person in mind telling them what i meant to tell them in person. To the beautiful boy whose heart i broke in December. To my first love who i never thought would be my first heartbreak. To my band. To a mean man I used to be afraid of. To someone who made my world very dark for awhile. To a girl who stole something of mine. To someone I forgive for what he said in front of the whole world.

Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good., because the only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone.

What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you'll stutter and you'll walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest.

So say it to them. Or say it to yourself in the mirror. Say it in a letter you'll never send or in a book millions might read someday. I think you deserve to look back on your life without a chorus of resounding voices saying ''I could've, but its too late now. "

There is a time for silence. There is a time for waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it.

I don't think you should wait. I think you should SPEAK NOW.

PS : To all the boys who inspired this album,

you should've known. ;)

love,

Taylor

Taylor Swift's songs are what every girl wants to say.♥

29.11.2010 ♥

This picture means a lot to me. ;)

Okay, so according to the title above, hmm... Its MOI birthday. (; ahaha. Well, in the morning it was kinda busy for me, i went to this singapore girl guides interact event. Hmm, quite interesting, we learnt how to dance indian dance. XD haha. Tres interesting.

Okay, went back home and went to bathe. Blah blah blah. And then, planned to watch "Dear John". But my sis ''prohibited'' me from watching. XD I was real mad that time, but now i know why. XD haaha. Next, went on facebook, syok-ing sendiri halfway. My mom wanted me to take something from her car. GAHH!! =.=" I was so annoyed. Mor eannoyed when my sis took her own sweet time. P/s:i wanted to get back to facebook ASAP! XD

And so, we ended up "visiting" all the floors. =.=" Sicko people right? I know, trust my sis to do that. Hrr. So in the end we reached ground floor. LOL. And when i went out, everyone (melanie, cheeching,phuiyeng,siaosuan,sweelynn,karhoe,yuesum,nicholas and yinglee) jumped out and shouted happy birthday.LOL! I really was stunned. LOL. so anyway, we ended up fooling around. LOL. We played uno only. And just fool around. LOL. =.="

Anyway, really want to thank all o fmy BFFLs again. Honestly, maybe nick, you think its not really good, but i want you guys to know, the hard work you guys put in were all written all over your faces. ;) All over your pretty and handsome faces. XD

Okay, dad's lecturing me to get off the comp already. Once again, thank you my BFFs. Love you guys. ♥

The true battle is in yourself, not with others.

Well peeps. the picture i took above was at the Kelana Jaya Yamaha Music Centre. Yes, you might be wondering what the hell am i doing there huh? Well, i went for a competition. Details, i'm too lazy for that. Have i mentioned that LAZY is my 3rd middle name? ;D i guess not. So now you know. Anyway, results? I didn't get in the final round. But its really okay for me. I probably got ready for that before the competition. Well, i must say i was pretty proud of myself for doing quite a good job, LOL. Because i think i finally conquered my stage fright. Its true, i'm not afraid of doing anything now. Okay, maybe SOME but not the minor ones. But anyway, its an achievement. And it tastes, SU-WEEEET baby! ;D

Anyway, due to the fact that my school is on holiday and i don't need to go to school on thursday, which gave me the PURR-FECT, opportunity, to go back to my primary school. And the school certaintly changed a lot. Tres interesting if i may say. But, anyway, my main goal was to go back to school to .... COLLECT JUNKFOOD! ;D oh c'mon, i'm sure everyone would like some junkfood now and then. Even my mom, who's kind of a health-freak, asks me to pop one into her mouth, but then, she'll give me the *YUCKS* look. OH man, she just wasted one of my favourite CHEEZELS. T.T yup, you bet i am pretty miserable over that. (music please!)*i am in misery,there ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah!* =.=" okay. overdose of junkfoods i guess! Hmm, nothing much , just took some pictures of the small kids performing, they look, slightly like nick, except, he's UGLY but adorable, whereas the kids look, well... just, ADORABLE. ;D

this, well... I don't know what the hell are they doing.

err... fan dance? LOL!

Diabolo! they did a very good job. LOL!

Hip Hop club, BAD ROMANCE. =.= err.... as min yu would say, SO-SO la. XD

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

Isn't it beautiful? I wish i was this pretty, LOL.

Phew! Nearly 3 weeks of exams certainly has tired all of us out. All of us look like pandaS when we went to school. AHA! A new name for Sri Sentosa, The School For PandaS! Its not really a bad thing, it means the students study hard until they gave up their beauty, especially the girls! A girl needs her beauty sleep. Ahaha. Nah, just fooling 'round.

Anyway, i felt like blogging 'cuz, i was feeling really bad. Yue Sum told me something and i was really bothered 'bout it. I know i shouldn't be worried bout it. It's the past, c'mon! I know, but i'm really gonna have a nervous breakdown next time. Gosh. I feel like its the end of the world. I hate that person. I really don't know how to face people next year. I have my rights! That bastard!=.=

Gahh.

Like my title, sometimes i thought about forgiving everyone that's offended me. But, sometimes, when you come to think of it, some people call you some really bad words, and say they dont mean it. I mean, how can you call someone a SH and say you dont mean it. That's redonkulous! =.= But maybe i really should learn to let go. Maybe i'll be a happier person this way. Maybe everything will turn out right when you're forgiving, because, maybe you changed your point of view. Sometimes, i find for the real me. Who I really am, but i never found Joan Chia, I don't even know who i am anymore. I just wanna be a normal girl. That's all.

Forgiving is not a gift to someone else - Forgiving is your gift to yourself - a great gift - the gift of happiness.

You Are What You Make Of Yourself.

Life is full of colours. You have your pick of M&Ns. ;D

Actually, I meant to write this for my friend. LOL.

Hey, um... i know lately you are kinda relying on someone. And i really want you to know that he's a good guy. You know who i'm talking about. I know, that's he has touched your wounds inside. I've noticed that whenever you talk about him, you always smile, i'm happy for you. And yeah, i know you don't want anybody to get hurt anymore. You're a kind girl, you'd rather you get hurt yourself and you don't want anybody getting hurt because of you. But that's just it, you can't make it that way. And i can see that you're stuggling. You are touched by him, but you're afraid. I know how you feel. You don't want a relationship, but you want him to stand by your side, be with you through your ups and downs, support you in everything you do, and.... feeling all protective around you. I know, i understand. Okay, maybe not very precise, but... still, we're both girls, we know how a girl feels right? And i know that's what he feels for you. I'm not asking you to accept him, and i know, you wanna focus, i'm just telling you to take it easy. Not easy, i know. LOL. anyway, he might always wait for you, then again, he might not. But, just so you know, i will always love you, even though we've only known each other for like... what? One year? And i really think God forgotten to give you as my sibling, so he sent you as my best friend instead. XD Love ya.

I know,

.

That's my point.

There is no such thing as in recovering fully in love, you might recover, but there will always be a crack.

Lately i haven't been blogging much i know. Well, i've decided to study starting from now. ;D Aww, come on, wipe that face off, i know your eyes must be bulging out of their sockets to know that i've started studying. And so, erm... well, i kind of feel tired of everything lately. Amazing what studying can do huh?

Anyway, i have a question, so i hope some can answer me, but what is trust? Is it something you must have in daily life? I noticed that we've been fighting/argueing a lot. But i feel like you're unhappy with me about some things. I don't know what you want me to do. He is only my best friend, and does that issue bother you so much? Does it matter to you? You just don't get it. Even though you told me that you trust me, i find it hard to believe you. Maybe, i'm over sensitive, but i'm not stupid. I know you, when you're angry, you tend to have this "whatever" attitude. And why is it so hard to trust me?

To be honest, when you said you can't accept that, i was so shocked. You can't imagine how it feels like, its like you were walking along the street minding your own business and suddenly an airplane lands right in front of you. All along you said you were fine and then now you tell me its not fine? Are you trying to kill me? =.=" You guys might be equally important to me, but its not the same. He's like my bro, you... its a whole different case.

When i see you, i'm almost afraid to look at you. I don't dare to look into your eyes, cuz i'm afraid that you might see my weakness. And you can't imagine how fast my heart beats when i see you, sometimes i swear that my heart stopped for that second. You don't know that's how i feel don't you? When i'm near you, i'm afraid to breathe, i'm afraid that you will hear my heart beating. And when i see you, its as if butterflies were flying in my stomach and this knot just can't ever be removed.

That's all I have to say.

Love is metaphysical gravity. ♥

You really have absolutely no idea. :X

Today, i was getting all grumpy and bad tempered because of some minor stuffs. Yeah, i am bad tempered. So anyway, i was going on and on about how other people and their siblings cope with each other and using other people siblings to compare with my sis to my mom. And when i was halfway through a sentence, my mom told me, you know, you don't hate your sister so much, its just that you're being bad-tempered now and really wanna let go. I understand, but you really don't mean it. And even though you are going to fight back and tell me "As a matter of fact, I DO mean it." You really don't mean it. Oh well.

And then i calmed down and thought, my mom's right, I don't mean it. I'm happy with my sister although sometimes we grit our teeth and feel like we wanna rip out each other heads just to get even. But that's the whole point isn't it? Siblings are meant to fight, and later hug each to make it up. Siblings are meant to talk about everything and stay up late just to talk about it. There isn't any way to cut this bond between family.

And i know, often some would say, " OHH! that lucky bitch! How i wish i were her !" well, you really don't wanna be her because she's a bitch as you just said. And comparing your life, your special-in-every-way-life, with someone who, perhaps you barely know, isn't worth it. Because you just DON'T KNOW what that person's been through. For all you know, that person may be a person with leukemia or aids, but they look so healthy. Yeah, when you're them, perhaps you'll think back, maybe being myself is the best. And this is the part, where you moan and groan and throw a humoungous tantrum and everybody you love gets hurt. Whoa, if you did that, congrats, you are so brilliant.

You have to know, if God made us all different, it means we were all meant to do different things. I'm sure this has happened many times, when you hope for this something, you got another thing instead. And later, you were furious and was thinking about flinging yourself off the highest floor. Well, don't even bother to think about it, it doesn't help. NOT that i've tried it before. -,- And next, you were so happy that you got this instead and it was at good purpose. Has that ever happened before? I'm sure it has. So, you see, everything happens for a REASON. Things may not come in the way that you expected it, but in a different way, that perhaps, changed you, or your point of view.

When i was small, i wanted a barbie doll every year for my birthday. Of course, that never happened. But, i got this barbie doll during one of my birthdays. My sister already has one, so i've been "harassing" my mom to get one for me. And she did, so i treasured the barbie doll and took really great care of it. And its still in good shape till now. Yes, i'm still keeping it. Shush. :X And the next year, i HOPED that she would get another one for me. But sadly, i didn't get anything for my birthday, or did i ? I've forgotten. But i remembered, i went to New Zealand and met my aunt's friends there, one of them gave me a book, and i still have it till now. It was this, TOY STORY BOOK, that led me to my current favourite activity, i suppose you should know. Reading.

Weird isn't it, how things work? It's fascinating to me. Absolutely mind-boggling. Explosive mind-booming. PHEW. I started to accept things they are now, like, i was trying to feed a bird that came into my garden but when i was reaching it, it flew away. =.=" i reckon it thinks i'm gonna catch it and torture it. I don't blame it. This means the bird is really smart to know what humans are thinking, NOT that i'm thinking about it. So anyway, this is what i have to say only. Good day people. ;D

And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Yes, agree to disagree. ;)

Okay, first things first, i'm really sorry for not updating my blog. Its kinda impossible for me to use the computer nowadays, let alone go on net. Why? Because my house is currently on renovation, and i've practically brought all these electrical devices into my pig-sty room. And because the only thing that can entertain me is my cell phone, i've been using it quite a lot, so the battery runs out at an incredible speed. -,- Trust me, i've been gritting my teeth over this issue.

So anyway, i just felt like blogging today because... well.. i'm not sure. I feel like lately, i'm always so edgy, and i tend to fight back. The urge of winning is stronger than anything. Yes, i do wonder if something is wrong with me. I get so worked up on small matters and get jumpy with everything. For instance, yesterday... i saw something that bothered me quite annoyingly, i was irritated. But i kept on telling myself. He's just being friendly. No biggie. But in the end, it got to me. I won't deny it, yes, i was angry. I was uncomfortable. I wasn't feeling safe. But most important,i'm afraid. Of what, i don't know. How many times had i been assured that i won't be alone, that i don't need to worry? I know, perhaps if i'm thinking this way, it means i have no faith. Yes, i do admit, perhaps i have been so close to him that i did not care about how you REALLY feel, i shrugged away any feeling that you wouldn't feel uncomfortable, thinking that you would understand it. But perhaps i was wrong, as always.

The whole point of this post, is i don't know too. Maybe i wanted to get things straight. That yes, i love him. But as a friend, a very good friend, my best friend. And it ends there. Whatever your friends say, i don't care, and i hope you don't care too. I just want you to know, whatever happened yesterday, it was mostly my fault. I was narrow-minded. My mood swings are terrible and i suck at self-control. I didn't want to admit that MAYBE you were right, i wanted to win, i guess. Its two different case. I was hoping that maybe you would get tired of me and just leave me, so i can have a reason to cry without seeming like a cry-baby. But no, you were always so patient. So caring, although you're not really perfect, but to me, its these imperfections that made you so perfect that for the briefest moment, i thought you were perhaps a guardian angel sent from God. Which made me so mad at you. Pretty ironic huh? Yeah, i know, i'm this idiotic fool who doesn't know what she has. Sweelynn told me countless times that she envied me that i got someone like you. Wow, if you're reading this, you must be silently laughing to yourself. ;D i know you are. Ahaha. ;)

So i just wanna end this post, to let you know, thanks for understanding me. For tolerating my barely tolerable attitude. Gosh, what did i do to deserve someone like you. XD

Hey people, i know its been a long time since i blogged. Well, i've decided to turn over a new leaf, and study hard for the coming exam. Whoa, shocked? Yeah, shocking news happen in your everyday life. Not to worry too much about it though, I'm PURRR-FECTLY fine. ;D thanks for your concern!! ( Perasan. )

Saturday.

Anyway, nothing interesting happened. Really. Just that i chat with an old classmate of mine last saturday. I printscreen these while we were chatting through webcam, haha, shh~ he doesn't know. :D We played Checkers and Uno. It was really fun, gosh, i didn't know it was so fun. LOL.

Today.

We had debate competition. Gosh. -,- I don't think we did VERY well. We were really....=.= Our oppposing team was really good. When they shot all the questions over, i think my jaws drop. But i think i managed to close them just in time before a fly went in. -,- ARGH!! When i finish my speech, i wrote loads of things on a piece of paper. And they were all repeated words

GG

GG

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GG

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But i pretended to be writing some SERIOUS stuffs. LOL. -,- I'm really a good actor right? HAHA. LOL. -,-

So yeah, in the end, we won, and our opposing team has a good attitude, not like some teams who get so worked up . -,- I mean, i kept on getting ready to lose. Guess i really wasn't confident then. But anyway, after that, one of the members of our opposing team came to tell us that if we needed help on our next competition. You bet we do. She is the one that made us all panic. Gosh. -,- She was saying everything so fast that i can't really catch what she said. LOL. -,- But anyway, it was a good match, everyone wanted to see because of Ke Ten. She was the best ''debater'' in the whole competition. I totally agree. LOL.

And i gotta go now, mom really get's worked up when i don't do what she sayd immediately. BYee! ;D

Oh Crap.

Oh Crap. I am really so dead. God, why did you do this? Okay, maybe You did this for a reason, and i don't know what. But God, if You know that a miracle is going to happen, God, let your will be done. I really, leave everything into Your hands. So dear God, You gotta help me. Kay?

And Mother Mary, please mom, please protect me. -,- I'm such a weakling so you gotta protect your daughter mom. -,- No parents can stand there watching their own child get hurt right? So mom, you really gotta help me.

And my guardian angel, i know you will be beside me, guiding me through everything. And if you think i'm gonna explode, you gotta help me calm down. If not, things will really turn out worse. -,- PLEASE? Friends dont leave friends to die. -,- LOL!

Dear GOd, i say this in your precious name, AMEN. -,-

How can this happen?

Yeah, exactly, just turn the page joan, you'll get on again.

Why do i feel so down? Why should i even care? I mean, its over right? Gosh. Look at me, pathetic, i'm using my blog to listen to myself talk. I thought i'd let go, but it seems like, i haven't been able to put it down? But why was i so sure in the first place i'd let go? -,- even if i did, why is there such a stupid feeling on my chest? Gosh, i'm really gonna go insane. -,-

I suppose , this is what everyone would feel when they.. well, you know. But, i'm suppose to have let go. -,- Gosh. I don't know what should i do. I know, that i don't feel that way anymore, but... no matter how, there was a once. ARGH. i don't wanna care. I'm so tired. -,-