Sports day!

Sports day, mostly i spent the whole day running around..doing pandu things..even when i'm suppose to do my duty. LOL. Okay, i'll start what happened from the day before sports day, actually i wasn't suppose to sit the bus, but in the end, wencai asked me to do something for her, and i promised her. In the end, my mom got pissed because i was using the phone so much that she gave up and told me, "tomorrow morning i'll drive you to school. this is the first and lst time i'm doing this. Understand? " " YEs, ma'am!" *salute. ==''..So i went and prepare everything i should bring or wear..blah blah blah. And then, i keep fiddling with my phone, sms with "him". And my mom ask me put down the phone, i said, i have to inform my pandu people some things. Then she went quiet. XD *evil.

Went to sleep with a BIG smile on my face. LOL. And then, in the morning , i heard my alarm clock ringing like hell..i had the feel to slam the whole alarm clock to the wall..before i even had time to reach out my hand..my mom rushed into the room and threw the alarm clock at me. And i woke up with a start. GAHH!!! If i have heart attack,how?!! ==''.. so anyway, i haven even stretch, my phone rang. So i ran out of my room, (still in my pajamas!)==''.. and before i got there, it stopped ringing. Oh, it was karhoe. LOL. Then i called back..he ask,

Karhoe:Joan?
Me:yeah?
Karhoe: what's up?
Me: err...why you call me?
Karhoe: ohh..uh..did i wake you up?
Me: No..what you want?
Karhoe: okay,erm...do you have extra marching shoes?
(because he was using chinese, i had a hard time differenciating whether he was saying black shoes or marching shoes) LOL
Me:Black shoes or marching shoes?
KArhoe: err..marchign shoes.
Me: sorry..i don't have extra.
Karhoe: um..nevermind. sorry ya..wake you up.
Me: no problem. LOL.

I think my mom wanted to say thanks to karhoe for waking me up.. ==''..haha! LOL.Then i changed my clothing and clipped my hair..double checking everything..and out we go! I was starting to get nervous because i was really scared..about what is going to happen. LOL. Am i going to faint? I hope not. LOL. anyway, i reached school..and skip the crap. OHh!! i saw him. LOL i thought he went to the stadium already..LOL. and then, skip skip skip. Reached the stadium, on the way, cynthia was commenting on the driver.. like when he could take another turning into the stadium he went another way. so cynthia said, He wants to kidnap us all. LOL!!! LMAO man! ME and melanie were like, laughing like hell. And then cynthia talk very loud like, Of course must drive in more so we don't neeed walk so much mar!! And then me and melanie were asking, are you sure he dunno chinese? LOL haha!

And then the uncle drop us somewhere where we need to walk ourselves to the keris besar. LOL. haha! quite funny that time. CYnthia was grumbling.. saying wah! this uncle kidnap us halfway then know i know he want to kidnap us just simply throw us! I call my Ahmad drive better lorh! AHAHAAH!! really LMAO. LOL. So we walk there and then i was starting to get a stomach ache..i'm so nervous! I feel like i could puke. LOL. OHh!!! We saw Hue Zhi Yang, CHen Yan Kye and YUe sum and Beh ying zhen holding there blazers, SO yeng!!! And then, skip skip skip..my sis directed us where we had to go..the tunnel there, and we went through the blue khemah thing. I go in only realize. LOL. but, i had to go from there no matter what. So, whatever. saw him and accidentally poked my sis with the tiang bendera. oopsie :X sorry ya. LOL. And so, its starting...im freaking out..and xinmei said, don't forget. He's looking. Okay, that made it worst.What if i did something wrong? I would be like a total failure!! And i don't want him to see it! AHhH!! Fortunately, i can hear Carolyn's command, if not i'm gonna be slower than the rest. LOL. Phew...it was really a sigh of relief. And then, we went out again and stood there for what? Half an hour?!!! that stupid idiot teacher talk so long, does he have any idea my hand is gonna break soon?!! and then i heard this news, kailing, my bendahari...fainted. As in, lost conscious. Omgg..i started to feel like i'm gonna cry soon. And then more ppl were carried out. And i started crying and crying because i was so scared. And my hand was already numb. I couldn't feel it anymore. And then, xinmei was whispering, wei er! hold on!! its gonna end soon..just hold on! And because i couldn't let down my whole team,( they worked so hard! ) I held on. ANd when we were suppose to walk back,..i walked back..and i felt my hand couldn't take it anymore. And we were nearly in the tunnel, my hands gave way, and my knees buckled. And then everyone was like, Omgg!! wei er!! And then everyone carried me to a floor and took off my gloves and shoes and my burrete. LOL. And i cried and cried. Happy that this was over. But, suddenly i felt that, this is cool . If i could do it again, i would. HAHA. And then, we went to rest. I started feeling okay already. Thanks to melanie's joke, I was talking behind there all the time! haha!

And then, everyone heard that cheer was gonnna start soon. Everyone ran to watch cheer. haha! Pandus' were running crazily as if it was robbert pattinson in there. LOL!! I went to change my clothes..LOL.and then, went to tugas. Left someone to guard the door. HUH! i am not guarding the door if that's what you're thinking. =P to that someone. LOL. so anyway, went in to look around, in the end, watch cheer with my juniors. XD haha..skip skip skip again. went all around looking for him..not pruposely, just looking. LOL. Cuz i had to do pandu things too. And, finally ran with Kah yee to find her bag. Saw him duck in somewhere but wasn't in the mood to care because it may be a matter between life or death. LOL. just kidding. heard them laugh but whatever. LOL. and then, changed back to pandu uniform for upacara penutup. wee~they started announcing the winner... and PBSM won the 1st. well, they did do well. and they trained really hard. but, scouts wasn't really happy about that. and everyone noticed, when scouts didn't win, pandu wasn't really happy even though we got 2nd. we didn't jump or what. saw him jump when PBSM won. felt a bit...a lot of mixed emotions inside. GAHh.

Went home with wencai after that, laughing in the car with wencai wenxi. LOL i think their mom was trying not to laugh a lot, haha! and then reached home and stripped off my dirty clothing. LOL. chaged into a pair of want to wash liao de clothing, and sat down. he texted me. whoaa. undescribable feeling. LOL just kidding. and then, spent the whole afternoon lazing around, finally, went to sleep. LOL

Well, i guess that's all. I haven't got my pictures, but i'll try to post them up as soon as possible. LOL. BYe!!

p/s:xinmei, akan belanja makan tak? sangat san fu wehs hold the flag. XD *evil.

Phew, school school school school school! that's all that i ever hear as long as i live i think. Which is, really..not so bad. Just, sometimes i get so frustrated by other things and i will start screaming my head off. I don't really know why, but..i do kinda look forward going to school sometimes.. don't really know why. LOL.

Remember my last post i was so..pessimistic about things? HAha, well.. turns out things weren't exactly that way. I mean, maybe couples DO fight. But, we are not a couple. Full stop. A big fat round full stop. Yeah.. and hey sweelynn, I don't know, thank me for being sensitive sometimes please. ==''.. You know, you said so yourself, Accept the person you love as he or she is. Gee, that's who I am..can't you accept that? Or are you planning to divorce me? XD haha. Well, anyway, i'm glad you're really happy with him. So, to my wife-in-law (yeah i know its lame,but i invented this. LOL), treat her well or you'll be dead faster than you can say, Arnold Schwarzeneger. And seeing the fact that you are, well..not-so-..err.. you-know-what, i don't think you can react to what i say. LOL. I'll make sure you pay for the consequences. No worries about that, its taken care of. And sweelynn, if you hurt him, i have NO IDEA what to do or say. OKAy, maybe i should be quiet. :X

I currently feel like doing some things :
Like, for instance,

I feel like writing a song,
I feel like finishing my book,
I feel like doing bungee jumping (its just an expression that i feel like doing something exciting,LOL)
I feel like saying I LOve You to someone forever...
I feel like living with my loved ones forever...

Ohh..i don't know what i'm thinking anymore.

GAH.

Byeee...=)

I was complaining to sweelynn again. And she was really starting to get impatient.. i can tell.. But,she really calmed down..and asked me to calm down. LOL. I couldn't really wrap my head around things. WHy do guys actually like to get on girls nerve? I mean, okay...i don't know if these usually happen between couples or what...but, okay..we're not a couple. First things first. But, we always bicker over some things! REally stupid things. I don't know why. Mel and sweelynn say they bicker with they're dot dot dot too! But, as in.. those cuddly couple way..that is, sweelynn only. I don't know about Mel, but i'm pretty sure they do it maturely. LOL. But, when i say,bicker..okay..maybe bicker isn't the right word. Its should be, quarrelling. Yeah, we quarrell all the time. Its like, we completely stopped trusting each other. I find it hard to believe him..(is it because of what his friends say?) and he finds it hard to believe me too. Well, not exactly..he trusts me with this BIG secret...and, deep down, i'm glad he shared this with me. But, he was like, please don't tell your friends bla bla bla.. okay, fine i zip my mouth. So going back a little, we can't exactly trust each other. But, i know i still love him. I truly love him. Is it going to end just like that? I don't really want it to be like that.. i want it to be...perfect.

Sometimes i would think to myself, after form 5? that's easy. All I have to do is keep the faith. But i've thought about myself only, i never thought about him. what about him? What if i was still deeply , unconditionaly in love with him when he falls for another girl? how am i supposed to live? i tried not to think so negatively, but, i'm not the most prettiest girl in the whole world! there are, gee..how many millions out there who are hotter and gorgeous! (though i wouldn't categorize myself as hot or gorgeous, but in plain looking. LOL) When i was in primary school, i used to think that I would be a nun when i'm grown up. Dating and getting married is so hard!! But, when i started secondary, whoaa. my whole opinion changed. I fell in love, so deeply that no matter how hard i try, i think i would never be saved. I don't really know what's he thinking... if i could, then Edward could read Bella's mind then. Sometimes i feel that, he is...complicated. Everything about him is sophisicated. Its hard to figure him out. Even when we text, the contents of what he says, cannot give me a hint on, whether he is smiling, or he's angry or annoyed..or when he gets my message, what is his reaction? I can't really think straight. Everytime i'm near him, I never dare to breathe. Its like, if we breathe in the same air at the same time, i would vanish. Because I'm in his world now.. I couldn't just leave like that. There were so many things i planned to tell him last time, and i thought, Oh well, that can wait...we have tons of time. Little did i know, because of a misunderstanding, it ended. I remember that day, i was so mad at my dad that i didn't even kiss him goodnight and hug him like i was still his little girl. I guess there were question marks all over his head. And I cried myself to sleep. SOmetimes I thought, if i never became a prefect, we would never be together. If I never went to NZ, this would never happen. If i didn't take a walk with my dad that night, and hear him say those 5 words that got me straight jumping to the conculsion, this would never happen too. If i just kept everything to myself, and told him i loved him as usual every night, things wouldn't be like this now.

SOmetimes, i feel like giving up everything and just drop dead. Why can't i just give up? Life's so hard! But, i realized, without all these little things that happen, life would be miserable and not challenging. But, why can't things work out between me and him? Because its not by chance, its by work. I finally understand this. A relationship is between two people, and both of them must work hard to keep on...if not, it would just be like some ppl who just thought giving up was the easiest solution.

If i could do anything now,I would turn back the time, change the elders thinking, and making the decision of not telling him.

So, that's all for now folks! Byee!

p/s: thanks sweelynn and mel, for the advice. totally appreciate it. Karhoe too, but if things don't work out the way you guys hoped, i'm sorry to disappoint you guys. T.T.

Sincerely,

Joan

Oh Gawd.

I'm dying now.

Gahh.

Sweelynn, Ying lee.... forget it.

Its not going to help or anything.

I'll admit defeat when the time comes.

Revive blog!! Revive!! I can't live without you!! ==''..

Okay, first i'm gonna blog and tell you guys about Chong Ying Lee, who went psycho one day and burnt our experiment paper. haha! So we were doing this experiment (seriously, i don't know about what) And we were supposed to lightly put the filter paper above the fire..not too low. Or it will be burnt, and there was oil on the paper, and we were waiting for the paper to see what was the outcome, and ying lee just put it too near the bunsen burner, and then..the next thing i knew, ppl were screaming...LOL. C'mon lar..just a small fire need to run out of the class anot?! We also haven run, what the hell are you running for?!! ==''.. then we put out the fire already, everyone let out a breath in relief..haha!

And,yesterday.. ying lee went hyper and sang songs in Bengkel. Omgg..i think the teacher was near to pulling out her own hair because me and ying lee were so tau ge..OMG. Then i didn't bring my KH nota, so quickly grabbed shin chien de..haha!! She gan jeong until simply grab a book too!! haha!! luckily the teacher didn't notice. Professional fakers man all of us.. was just chatting with my New Zealand friend, AManda, and she told me they have strict plagarism guidelines now..haha! so they can't copy homework in NZ.. well, at least there's something good here. XD.=)

Was mad at him yesterday night. I was so so so mad! And i am mad now too. Why do i get the feeling that...ugh!! Nevermind, I give up. I know sweelynn, i still love him, but how can i talk to him without getting mad everytime?!! You get me a solution, and i'll do what you want me to do. DEAL. ==''..

Anyway, i gotta go now. I haven't started on my homework. GAHH. and i have 15 minutes and i nidda go to school now. O-M-G.

Happy Birthday KAr Hoe!!!!! =)

Okay, first things first,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAR HOE!!!=)

My best wishes to you bro. =D peace! CHEERS!! HAHA..LOL

Anyway, i haven't really got to say a lot to you today..so yeah, i'll say it here.I think i'll start from the time when i first saw you. I remembered that me and cheeching were new and we walked in from the back door. You were sitting nearest to the door and you told me and cheeching that there was a space available there. Seriously, i felt grateful to you. Cuz it was kinda awkward standing outside the class..LOL. ha..um.. so, that was the first time we met. LOL.

And then, loads of things happened when pn norhaizan changed our place right? ha..i was sitting with sweelynn...and you were in front..things were really fun that time. LOL. I remembered asking you a question, Eih, karhoe, if want to have baby need to do that meh? AHAHAHAHAH!! i know you dizadao..haha..that was really stupid. haha.

And then, pn norhaizan changed our place again, you were sitting beside me and sweelynn on the other side.And yuesum behind me...OMGG, that time was the most stupidest time..LOL. remember that time sweelynn pull my shirt up? LOL!!! oh, and remember the time i was mimicking sweelynn talking? and then she said i was touching her boobs(LOL!!)but i wasn't exactly paying attention and i just copied..LOL. Stupid i know..There are stil a few funny things..but i can't really recall.. Oh wait! there's one.. remember the time my neck became stiff? and i could hardly move..haha! and then yue sum keep wanting to push me head right and left..and you were practically shouting at me to move my head. haha... oh gawd..that sure was idiotic. XD

Wow, thinking back..it was like yesterday.. when i think back i would find it really memorable..haha.. and sometimes, i wonder.. if there really is second life, i hope i would be able to know you and our BFFL group. i mean,well...u know.. LOL. and well.. him. XD

And, i really wanna thank you for helping me and him. you know, you've helped so much.. and i'm sorry that things didn't quite turn out the way you hoped..LOL. ==''.. but, you helped so much,..i think it must be time for us to work out our problems ourselves. Of course, i hope you will meet your..you-know-who. LOL.haha. anyway,i gotta go now.. mop the floor aa..~~~ haha!

Lastly,

HAIRPEE BURBDAY KARR HOUUUU :X

Normal english =) XD haha!

Do you know how much i love you?
You probably won't know, yeah..cuz i never really told you..
I love you more than my life.
No, i'm not kidding. ==''.

I always wondered how was the pain going to subside when you left,
but, until today..the pain remains.
And there's no turning back.
I know, and i respect that decision. =)

If you ever find another girl,
i'll support you, even though i know the pain is going to be unbearable.
But, from the bottom of my heart, i just want you to be happy.
Just this simple.

Looking back at the text messages you sent me,
I find it ironic cuz it was like, we would be together forever.
I couldn't find the words to put in when you said i was beautiful.
Finally, a guy who said beautiful instead of hot. ==''...

Even though you were a timid guy
who was not really big on expressing your feelings,
I still loved you more than any guy
who expressed his feelings more romantic than any other guy.

I know i'm weird in some ways,
but you accepted that in many ways
and always found a positive solution to think about.

You respect me,
and when i say i don't want,
you will not push me to the end,
and just accept it good naturedly.

I love you,
and i know that you want the best for us,
studies first, then maybe we'll talk these later,
i accepted that when you first told me,
but i just didn't want to give up.

Just want to let you know,
I'll wait...

and, I Love You.