Phew, school school school school school! that's all that i ever hear as long as i live i think. Which is, really..not so bad. Just, sometimes i get so frustrated by other things and i will start screaming my head off. I don't really know why, but..i do kinda look forward going to school sometimes.. don't really know why. LOL.

Remember my last post i was so..pessimistic about things? HAha, well.. turns out things weren't exactly that way. I mean, maybe couples DO fight. But, we are not a couple. Full stop. A big fat round full stop. Yeah.. and hey sweelynn, I don't know, thank me for being sensitive sometimes please. ==''.. You know, you said so yourself, Accept the person you love as he or she is. Gee, that's who I am..can't you accept that? Or are you planning to divorce me? XD haha. Well, anyway, i'm glad you're really happy with him. So, to my wife-in-law (yeah i know its lame,but i invented this. LOL), treat her well or you'll be dead faster than you can say, Arnold Schwarzeneger. And seeing the fact that you are, well..not-so-..err.. you-know-what, i don't think you can react to what i say. LOL. I'll make sure you pay for the consequences. No worries about that, its taken care of. And sweelynn, if you hurt him, i have NO IDEA what to do or say. OKAy, maybe i should be quiet. :X

I currently feel like doing some things :
Like, for instance,

I feel like writing a song,
I feel like finishing my book,
I feel like doing bungee jumping (its just an expression that i feel like doing something exciting,LOL)
I feel like saying I LOve You to someone forever...
I feel like living with my loved ones forever...

Ohh..i don't know what i'm thinking anymore.

GAH.

Byeee...=)

I was complaining to sweelynn again. And she was really starting to get impatient.. i can tell.. But,she really calmed down..and asked me to calm down. LOL. I couldn't really wrap my head around things. WHy do guys actually like to get on girls nerve? I mean, okay...i don't know if these usually happen between couples or what...but, okay..we're not a couple. First things first. But, we always bicker over some things! REally stupid things. I don't know why. Mel and sweelynn say they bicker with they're dot dot dot too! But, as in.. those cuddly couple way..that is, sweelynn only. I don't know about Mel, but i'm pretty sure they do it maturely. LOL. But, when i say,bicker..okay..maybe bicker isn't the right word. Its should be, quarrelling. Yeah, we quarrell all the time. Its like, we completely stopped trusting each other. I find it hard to believe him..(is it because of what his friends say?) and he finds it hard to believe me too. Well, not exactly..he trusts me with this BIG secret...and, deep down, i'm glad he shared this with me. But, he was like, please don't tell your friends bla bla bla.. okay, fine i zip my mouth. So going back a little, we can't exactly trust each other. But, i know i still love him. I truly love him. Is it going to end just like that? I don't really want it to be like that.. i want it to be...perfect.

Sometimes i would think to myself, after form 5? that's easy. All I have to do is keep the faith. But i've thought about myself only, i never thought about him. what about him? What if i was still deeply , unconditionaly in love with him when he falls for another girl? how am i supposed to live? i tried not to think so negatively, but, i'm not the most prettiest girl in the whole world! there are, gee..how many millions out there who are hotter and gorgeous! (though i wouldn't categorize myself as hot or gorgeous, but in plain looking. LOL) When i was in primary school, i used to think that I would be a nun when i'm grown up. Dating and getting married is so hard!! But, when i started secondary, whoaa. my whole opinion changed. I fell in love, so deeply that no matter how hard i try, i think i would never be saved. I don't really know what's he thinking... if i could, then Edward could read Bella's mind then. Sometimes i feel that, he is...complicated. Everything about him is sophisicated. Its hard to figure him out. Even when we text, the contents of what he says, cannot give me a hint on, whether he is smiling, or he's angry or annoyed..or when he gets my message, what is his reaction? I can't really think straight. Everytime i'm near him, I never dare to breathe. Its like, if we breathe in the same air at the same time, i would vanish. Because I'm in his world now.. I couldn't just leave like that. There were so many things i planned to tell him last time, and i thought, Oh well, that can wait...we have tons of time. Little did i know, because of a misunderstanding, it ended. I remember that day, i was so mad at my dad that i didn't even kiss him goodnight and hug him like i was still his little girl. I guess there were question marks all over his head. And I cried myself to sleep. SOmetimes I thought, if i never became a prefect, we would never be together. If I never went to NZ, this would never happen. If i didn't take a walk with my dad that night, and hear him say those 5 words that got me straight jumping to the conculsion, this would never happen too. If i just kept everything to myself, and told him i loved him as usual every night, things wouldn't be like this now.

SOmetimes, i feel like giving up everything and just drop dead. Why can't i just give up? Life's so hard! But, i realized, without all these little things that happen, life would be miserable and not challenging. But, why can't things work out between me and him? Because its not by chance, its by work. I finally understand this. A relationship is between two people, and both of them must work hard to keep on...if not, it would just be like some ppl who just thought giving up was the easiest solution.

If i could do anything now,I would turn back the time, change the elders thinking, and making the decision of not telling him.

So, that's all for now folks! Byee!

p/s: thanks sweelynn and mel, for the advice. totally appreciate it. Karhoe too, but if things don't work out the way you guys hoped, i'm sorry to disappoint you guys. T.T.

Sincerely,

Joan

Oh Gawd.

I'm dying now.

Gahh.

Sweelynn, Ying lee.... forget it.

Its not going to help or anything.

I'll admit defeat when the time comes.

Revive blog!! Revive!! I can't live without you!! ==''..

Okay, first i'm gonna blog and tell you guys about Chong Ying Lee, who went psycho one day and burnt our experiment paper. haha! So we were doing this experiment (seriously, i don't know about what) And we were supposed to lightly put the filter paper above the fire..not too low. Or it will be burnt, and there was oil on the paper, and we were waiting for the paper to see what was the outcome, and ying lee just put it too near the bunsen burner, and then..the next thing i knew, ppl were screaming...LOL. C'mon lar..just a small fire need to run out of the class anot?! We also haven run, what the hell are you running for?!! ==''.. then we put out the fire already, everyone let out a breath in relief..haha!

And,yesterday.. ying lee went hyper and sang songs in Bengkel. Omgg..i think the teacher was near to pulling out her own hair because me and ying lee were so tau ge..OMG. Then i didn't bring my KH nota, so quickly grabbed shin chien de..haha!! She gan jeong until simply grab a book too!! haha!! luckily the teacher didn't notice. Professional fakers man all of us.. was just chatting with my New Zealand friend, AManda, and she told me they have strict plagarism guidelines now..haha! so they can't copy homework in NZ.. well, at least there's something good here. XD.=)

Was mad at him yesterday night. I was so so so mad! And i am mad now too. Why do i get the feeling that...ugh!! Nevermind, I give up. I know sweelynn, i still love him, but how can i talk to him without getting mad everytime?!! You get me a solution, and i'll do what you want me to do. DEAL. ==''..

Anyway, i gotta go now. I haven't started on my homework. GAHH. and i have 15 minutes and i nidda go to school now. O-M-G.

Happy Birthday KAr Hoe!!!!! =)

Okay, first things first,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAR HOE!!!=)

My best wishes to you bro. =D peace! CHEERS!! HAHA..LOL

Anyway, i haven't really got to say a lot to you today..so yeah, i'll say it here.I think i'll start from the time when i first saw you. I remembered that me and cheeching were new and we walked in from the back door. You were sitting nearest to the door and you told me and cheeching that there was a space available there. Seriously, i felt grateful to you. Cuz it was kinda awkward standing outside the class..LOL. ha..um.. so, that was the first time we met. LOL.

And then, loads of things happened when pn norhaizan changed our place right? ha..i was sitting with sweelynn...and you were in front..things were really fun that time. LOL. I remembered asking you a question, Eih, karhoe, if want to have baby need to do that meh? AHAHAHAHAH!! i know you dizadao..haha..that was really stupid. haha.

And then, pn norhaizan changed our place again, you were sitting beside me and sweelynn on the other side.And yuesum behind me...OMGG, that time was the most stupidest time..LOL. remember that time sweelynn pull my shirt up? LOL!!! oh, and remember the time i was mimicking sweelynn talking? and then she said i was touching her boobs(LOL!!)but i wasn't exactly paying attention and i just copied..LOL. Stupid i know..There are stil a few funny things..but i can't really recall.. Oh wait! there's one.. remember the time my neck became stiff? and i could hardly move..haha! and then yue sum keep wanting to push me head right and left..and you were practically shouting at me to move my head. haha... oh gawd..that sure was idiotic. XD

Wow, thinking back..it was like yesterday.. when i think back i would find it really memorable..haha.. and sometimes, i wonder.. if there really is second life, i hope i would be able to know you and our BFFL group. i mean,well...u know.. LOL. and well.. him. XD

And, i really wanna thank you for helping me and him. you know, you've helped so much.. and i'm sorry that things didn't quite turn out the way you hoped..LOL. ==''.. but, you helped so much,..i think it must be time for us to work out our problems ourselves. Of course, i hope you will meet your..you-know-who. LOL.haha. anyway,i gotta go now.. mop the floor aa..~~~ haha!

Lastly,

HAIRPEE BURBDAY KARR HOUUUU :X

Normal english =) XD haha!

Do you know how much i love you?
You probably won't know, yeah..cuz i never really told you..
I love you more than my life.
No, i'm not kidding. ==''.

I always wondered how was the pain going to subside when you left,
but, until today..the pain remains.
And there's no turning back.
I know, and i respect that decision. =)

If you ever find another girl,
i'll support you, even though i know the pain is going to be unbearable.
But, from the bottom of my heart, i just want you to be happy.
Just this simple.

Looking back at the text messages you sent me,
I find it ironic cuz it was like, we would be together forever.
I couldn't find the words to put in when you said i was beautiful.
Finally, a guy who said beautiful instead of hot. ==''...

Even though you were a timid guy
who was not really big on expressing your feelings,
I still loved you more than any guy
who expressed his feelings more romantic than any other guy.

I know i'm weird in some ways,
but you accepted that in many ways
and always found a positive solution to think about.

You respect me,
and when i say i don't want,
you will not push me to the end,
and just accept it good naturedly.

I love you,
and i know that you want the best for us,
studies first, then maybe we'll talk these later,
i accepted that when you first told me,
but i just didn't want to give up.

Just want to let you know,
I'll wait...

and, I Love You.

Eat peanuts,draw until nuts. LOL~

Hey guys, i'm still in the holiday mood,so i'm blogging..MUAHAHAHA!! (swtz==''..) Okay, um..i'll just be honest, for those who wants to know if i have finished my homework, No, i haven't. And you might be exlaiming there like, "WHAT?!! SCHOOL STARTS IN LIKE, WHAT? 18 HOURS!! (give or take a few hours .LOL) Yeah, i know school's gonna start in 18 hours or so, and i give don give a damn about it..LOL. okay, maybe i do..but, i just wanna enjoy the last day of freedom. As in, the last last day. ==''.. okay, then you guys might be asking, "Okay, since you haven't finish your homework, what did you do the whole holiday?" ==''.. what i did is, drawing manga..and writing a story..hehe.. and and and, i also watched a lot movies.. well, seeing the fact that i have nothing to do,(LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!!) ==''!!! and its holiday, so i try to become a potato couch as long as i can be. MUAHAHA. GAH. BAH. YAH.

Anyway, seeing the fact that you might fall asleep to this post, maybe i'll give you something to...REVIVE!!!LOL.. or maybe not... its just a few manga pictures i drew..LOL...


This one, i drew it a few days ago...LOL..and just coloured it..==''..


And this, i drew it and cut and paste. LOL..haha!


I just finish drawing it yesterday..LOL


This is one of my favourites...LOL. ==''..sweelynn like the girl and boy de..=='' dirty mind..haha!

This one, i draw very long..haha! Okay, next!

This is my favourite..i think..so far i mean...LOL.

This was the 1st one i drew..since last year..ahahaha!!