And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Yes, agree to disagree. ;)

Okay, first things first, i'm really sorry for not updating my blog. Its kinda impossible for me to use the computer nowadays, let alone go on net. Why? Because my house is currently on renovation, and i've practically brought all these electrical devices into my pig-sty room. And because the only thing that can entertain me is my cell phone, i've been using it quite a lot, so the battery runs out at an incredible speed. -,- Trust me, i've been gritting my teeth over this issue.

So anyway, i just felt like blogging today because... well.. i'm not sure. I feel like lately, i'm always so edgy, and i tend to fight back. The urge of winning is stronger than anything. Yes, i do wonder if something is wrong with me. I get so worked up on small matters and get jumpy with everything. For instance, yesterday... i saw something that bothered me quite annoyingly, i was irritated. But i kept on telling myself. He's just being friendly. No biggie. But in the end, it got to me. I won't deny it, yes, i was angry. I was uncomfortable. I wasn't feeling safe. But most important,i'm afraid. Of what, i don't know. How many times had i been assured that i won't be alone, that i don't need to worry? I know, perhaps if i'm thinking this way, it means i have no faith. Yes, i do admit, perhaps i have been so close to him that i did not care about how you REALLY feel, i shrugged away any feeling that you wouldn't feel uncomfortable, thinking that you would understand it. But perhaps i was wrong, as always.

The whole point of this post, is i don't know too. Maybe i wanted to get things straight. That yes, i love him. But as a friend, a very good friend, my best friend. And it ends there. Whatever your friends say, i don't care, and i hope you don't care too. I just want you to know, whatever happened yesterday, it was mostly my fault. I was narrow-minded. My mood swings are terrible and i suck at self-control. I didn't want to admit that MAYBE you were right, i wanted to win, i guess. Its two different case. I was hoping that maybe you would get tired of me and just leave me, so i can have a reason to cry without seeming like a cry-baby. But no, you were always so patient. So caring, although you're not really perfect, but to me, its these imperfections that made you so perfect that for the briefest moment, i thought you were perhaps a guardian angel sent from God. Which made me so mad at you. Pretty ironic huh? Yeah, i know, i'm this idiotic fool who doesn't know what she has. Sweelynn told me countless times that she envied me that i got someone like you. Wow, if you're reading this, you must be silently laughing to yourself. ;D i know you are. Ahaha. ;)

So i just wanna end this post, to let you know, thanks for understanding me. For tolerating my barely tolerable attitude. Gosh, what did i do to deserve someone like you. XD

Hey people, i know its been a long time since i blogged. Well, i've decided to turn over a new leaf, and study hard for the coming exam. Whoa, shocked? Yeah, shocking news happen in your everyday life. Not to worry too much about it though, I'm PURRR-FECTLY fine. ;D thanks for your concern!! ( Perasan. )

Saturday.

Anyway, nothing interesting happened. Really. Just that i chat with an old classmate of mine last saturday. I printscreen these while we were chatting through webcam, haha, shh~ he doesn't know. :D We played Checkers and Uno. It was really fun, gosh, i didn't know it was so fun. LOL.

Today.

We had debate competition. Gosh. -,- I don't think we did VERY well. We were really....=.= Our oppposing team was really good. When they shot all the questions over, i think my jaws drop. But i think i managed to close them just in time before a fly went in. -,- ARGH!! When i finish my speech, i wrote loads of things on a piece of paper. And they were all repeated words

GG

GG

GG

GG

GG

GG

GG

GG

GG

GG

But i pretended to be writing some SERIOUS stuffs. LOL. -,- I'm really a good actor right? HAHA. LOL. -,-

So yeah, in the end, we won, and our opposing team has a good attitude, not like some teams who get so worked up . -,- I mean, i kept on getting ready to lose. Guess i really wasn't confident then. But anyway, after that, one of the members of our opposing team came to tell us that if we needed help on our next competition. You bet we do. She is the one that made us all panic. Gosh. -,- She was saying everything so fast that i can't really catch what she said. LOL. -,- But anyway, it was a good match, everyone wanted to see because of Ke Ten. She was the best ''debater'' in the whole competition. I totally agree. LOL.

And i gotta go now, mom really get's worked up when i don't do what she sayd immediately. BYee! ;D

Oh Crap.

Oh Crap. I am really so dead. God, why did you do this? Okay, maybe You did this for a reason, and i don't know what. But God, if You know that a miracle is going to happen, God, let your will be done. I really, leave everything into Your hands. So dear God, You gotta help me. Kay?

And Mother Mary, please mom, please protect me. -,- I'm such a weakling so you gotta protect your daughter mom. -,- No parents can stand there watching their own child get hurt right? So mom, you really gotta help me.

And my guardian angel, i know you will be beside me, guiding me through everything. And if you think i'm gonna explode, you gotta help me calm down. If not, things will really turn out worse. -,- PLEASE? Friends dont leave friends to die. -,- LOL!

Dear GOd, i say this in your precious name, AMEN. -,-

How can this happen?

Yeah, exactly, just turn the page joan, you'll get on again.

Why do i feel so down? Why should i even care? I mean, its over right? Gosh. Look at me, pathetic, i'm using my blog to listen to myself talk. I thought i'd let go, but it seems like, i haven't been able to put it down? But why was i so sure in the first place i'd let go? -,- even if i did, why is there such a stupid feeling on my chest? Gosh, i'm really gonna go insane. -,-

I suppose , this is what everyone would feel when they.. well, you know. But, i'm suppose to have let go. -,- Gosh. I don't know what should i do. I know, that i don't feel that way anymore, but... no matter how, there was a once. ARGH. i don't wanna care. I'm so tired. -,-

A post to my beloved Yinglee. ;D

My dearest, Chong Ying Lee. (YYYY----EEE-----OOOOOO!! ) XD

So yea, y'll know that from the title , its a post for my yinglee, i meant to type this a long time ago, but, i didn't really know what to say. So i'll just say what's in my heart now.

It was fate that joined us together. I would never have known her , if i hadn't join the prefectorial board, and of course, our sisters, and maybe the fact that we were in the same class. Since i've join the prefectorial board, i'm not really comfortable with... everything. But, thanks to "her" ( and of course some of my other friends) , i finally adapted to this kind of life. LOL. This girl, there are really no words to describe except GENG. haha. She is the one and only Chong Ying Lee , the siao zha bo one. XD

How do i start? Her personalities? Gosh, she has quite an awesome personality. I like her straightforward, honesty, craziness and wildness. She doesn't care what people think of her. How i envy her of that , i wish i could think that way too. And, she's really brave too. To do absolutely stupid things. :P Sometimes, she makes me wanna kill her because of some stupid things, but deep down, i know that if i kill her, i may have to live in this quiet , stupid, ghost-town-class of mine alone. And i'll end up killing myself too. XD Another thing i envy about her is that, whatever she says makes absolute sense, damn, how i wish i could do that, everyone would listen to me then. *MUAHAHAHAHA! oh well, dream on Joan. * =.=

Yinglee is someone i admire a lot. Even though we've just met last year, and we're not even as close as i am to nicholas goh (which i really wasn't close at all) we're so close now as if we've known each other for our entire lives! She knows what i'm thinking before I even know what am i thinking. (SOMETIMES) but i don't know what she thinks at all , or what she likes too , yeah i know, i'm not such a good friend after all. XD . We've gone through loads of ups and downs together this year, she knows my darkest and deepest secrets, and i know hers too. Its like we've really known each other forever.

So i just wanna say, i love you Chong Ying Lee. You made up my days during that incident. You sacrificed for me to be happy (remember this? XD) , you changed my point of view towards people, and you changed my life just like how Sweelynn changed it for the better. I am glad that we've met yinglee, aren't you? I mean, the sampatt ways we are, i think we pretty much make a good team , don't you think so? Its like the next yingyang. XD So anyway, i gotta go now. Homework siren! *BI BO BI BO BI BO!!* XD Love you muchh. >

It'll be okayy.

Hey people, its around 1 o'clock in the morning now, 12.56 a.m to be exact , so i'm not sure what should i say, good MORNING? haha. So anyway, i've decided to go counseling, do not worry my fellow friends, i am just fine, just that, i have a lot on my mind lately, and perhaps i have some unsolved problems that has been too long in me, and i finally am losing myself now. =.= Oh happy new year.

I don't know where should i start, start from the beginning you say? And where is the beginning?I realised, there are beginnings, and until you come to realise the present, only then you'll know, you've come a long way from home. And sometimes, you might feel , you wanna go back, but there is no turning back is there? There is only finding a solution, or you just keep going on and on and see where does it leads you. Maybe now is the time for us to just keep on making mistakes, just go with the flow, and see what isolated island we land on, perhaps go through what Robinson Crusoe has gone through (but i doubt that the survival percentage is high) -,-

What am i hoping now? I don't know. I don't wanna get my hopes high, why ? Perhaps the fear of getting hurt again, perhaps i have a phoebia towards this, or perhaps, i don't have the confidence to make him stay? Or maybe 3 of these with a couple more perhaps that i'm lazy to list out? I don't know, but what i know is, for now, i wanna remain like this, enjoy every moment , live life to the fullest , and love someone with all my heart , even though sometimes i feel so frustrated with him. I guess, that's what happens with your loved ones, you're frustrated with them, but you love them more than, perhaps, your own life? Maybe i do, but i just... don't wanna admit it. I love him, i know i do, maybe sometimes i just wanna get myself to believe that, all these while, i didn't really hold on because i love him, its just for the sake of holding on, but now, after thinking through everything, i finally realized, i made every right choice loving him, he is the one i want, perhaps i would want to spend my life with him. But, i'm thinking way too far already, the most important is the present right? Don't worry people, i'm happy with my life, i love the way i am now, and i will try to NOT regret any choices i've made, if not i'm gonna be whining all the day . Haha.

So, nothing really interesting happened in school nowadays, its like a ghost town here. We don't have those bright laughters, crappy people, shake-your-bootie people nowadays, goshhh. C'mon, liven up abit aye? We'll figure out some really cool games, or maybe, lame ones. Either way, let's look on the bright side that we've still got each other eh? ;D oops. Its 1.21 a.m. now, i really gotta go people, if not i'm gonna be the prettiest panda in the whole universe. XDD (;

Good night people! (; You guys rocks.

Wedding Dress

Lately, i'm becoming addicted to the song "Wedding Dress" by Big Bang. I don't know why, i just went to sleep with my mp3 on and i was listening to it and i fell asleep. And the next morning, my head is filled with that song. =.= Gosh! haha. these 2 wedding dress are pretty right? I was searching the net and i saw this, perhaps for my future wedding dress i would choose this kind. HAHA. -,- LOL.

Anyway, its near schooling time. So i gotta go! (; Byee peeps.