3 weeks.

I've survived for 3 weeks. C'mon guys, how about a round of applause, standing ovation?? At least i'll feel the glory. Haha. Nahh, i'm just kidding. I just thought of some thing, i would like to write about myself in this post, well, i'm not saying that i like being in the spotlight, its just that, i don't know. Maybe i'm using my blog to hear myself think.

Okay, if i would i want to write an About Me, i would start off with, hmm...perhaps hyper would make a good headstart. I can't exactly sit still, nor can i stand still, and i must jump wherever i go. Yeah, go on, i AM a kid. So what? Maybe i need more time than others to mature... Or maybe i just don't wanna grow up. Next, i am, perhaps the worst crybaby ever in the world. Once i start, its kinda hard to stop me. But my friends are the most patient, caring, and loving pals in the universe, who would stand by me and make sure i'm alright, no, not alright, i'm GREAT, only they'll take a step back. Jealous that i have friends like these? Well, being me has its advantages.

Now, carry on... I'm incredibly stubborn. I have to learn things the hard way only i can get that what-so-ever thing into my hard head. And that often drove mom and dad off the railway. Oops . :X Moving on, I can't let others have the last say, i love arguing for the sake of arguing, that's why mom says, if i don't just argue for the sake of arguing, i might be the best lawyer ever. Which i never dreamed of becoming, because, geez, i don't know. I love eating chocolates and oreos, dipped with peanut butter. Ever tried that? Right, before we move on, i'll just add something in, i'm weird. VERY WEIRD. But my friends accept me for who i am. =) okay, continue, where did i stop? Oreos dipped with peanut butter right? Awesome. Yeah, i'm weird. But whatever. And i love ice-creams, jelly beans, and all kinds of stuff that kids like. Like i said, i probably haven't matured yet. Haha.

I fell in love with a guy, named OPO. List out the things i love about him? The way he plays with his hair, how he's obsessed with his hair. And his love for saying ''LOL''. I could never forget the first time he was ever ''tiga-lapan''. All i could ever remember was, him, standing there, quiet, cool and stuff. He loves football too. Which pretty much took away breaths of girls who saw him. Well, i met him before i saw him play football. So that doesn't count. HAHA. List out his weakness?? Um... * gone for 20 minutes. Sat in front of this comp for 10 minutes. Looking at all his messages for 30 minutes * and i still can't figure out any. oh God Bless Me. Gahh.

I honestly kept every message of his. I don't know why i still can't put him down. Everytime i text him, I'll text halfway, and then, stop in the middle, and end up tossing my phone to one side, putting my head in my hands and cry. Its like an everyday rountine. It hurts me to have to hear his name with another girl, but what can i do? I promised i would forget EVERYTHING if he was happy. And he is, i have to keep my promise. I fake a smile, so i wouldn't have to explain what i'm feeling on the inside, which is terribly hard to explain, even if i could explain it, no one would understand it. Everytime i see him, i feel my face going red, spreading like a disease through my whole body, and i would start to feel :'' WOw, its a hot day huh?? " even after it just rained a hurricane. And people would give me the : " Wow, are you sick?" look. Geez. I tremble like when the predator is getting ready to eat the prey, and i'm the prey. He's the predator. A very charming predator. Which i probably would surrender without a struggle. Gosh.

So, i'll just brief you guys on what i'm gonna do today. Um, at maybe 3 something, i'm gonna go for music class, and then, i'm gonna have to go to my cousin bro's death anniversary. =.=

I know its gonna be hard, but i'll manage through.

I can't put down the past,

everything we do seems to need time,

everything we do seems to pull us apart,

as if trying to test our faith.

I won't leave you to pick up the pieces,

but somehow,

someone has to pick up the leftovers,

in a relationship, there can be only two person,

when its not you,

its definitely me.

And do you know,

everything you do tears me apart,

but the one that breaks most is my heart,

you promised that you'll take care of it,

no matter what,

till world's end,

so i left you this part.

But in the end,

even fairytales has to come

to an end now,

I tried to find the remedy of turning back time,

but time,

just kept going on,

as if it doesn't give a damn of what i'm trying to do,

And inevitably,

it will be over,

nothing'll be the same,

i'll try to recover but not fully,

because i'm so lost without you.

pls leave comments on the song. thanks! =)

Happy Birthday Melanie!

Okay, to start this awesome day, let's say something first,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELANIE!

Sorry for the late post, i know i said that i would post it in the morning but, then i thought about the surprise we were about to give you. And i thought, you would understand. Hehe. so, okay, skip every part until recess. I ate so fast like there was no tomorrow. And then, i ran up to block E like i'm acting one part of 2012. LOL. And then, i came up, all of them grinned at me..haha. Its showtime babeh. X)

So as usual, melanie came out first, waiting for the others to come out. And then we purposely as cheeching to come out later.. and melanie was like, why is she so slow~~~!! And then, later... i ask sweelynn come out last, and we all gave it to her together. She was like, for me?!! for me?!! Then me and siao suan say: NO, for US. =.= Haha, then she opened the present we gave her and guess what? Its a photo frame. With, photos of us! I hope she liked it. Haha. We planned so long, and everyday i had to text siao suan and both of us keep discussing what to do. Hahahaha~

Actually we planned on giving her after school, LUCKILY WE DIDN'T HOR?!! XDDD whyy?? sendiri tahu sudah boleh.. X) So anyway, I know its a really short post Mel, but, i dunno what to write already. T.T .. wish that all your dreams come true! =) and you'll be happy everyday! Friends forever! =P

Oh well, i just viewed everything about him.
And start crying again.
Gawd, this sure is killing me.
I'm not allowed to view things about him.
but, i just can't stop myself viewing it.
I really liked him.
I didn't want anything from him.
I know if i think anymore i'm gonna go mad sooner or later.

I love you,

I always did.

I'm disappointed in you.

this is gonna be my new organ. I can't wait for it.. but, i'll miss my old organ a lot too. T.T

I went to school early today, and ...wow. I just reached school and i met him. Not quite what i expected. =.= but anyway, went to the office to find a teacher then later walk out again. LOL. The morning session was gonna have their recess. LOL. Perfect timing. haha. So anyway, walked into BP, and nicol ask me wanna go jalan jalan i said, yeah sure. So we went, she bought cincau and two stuff still unknown to science. *eww. haha! NO, i'm just fooling around. So i had to wait for her but in the mean time, found PN toh and asked her about some things. teehee. =D i didn't really care if i'm gonna see him, because i know he's gonna think of every single way to hide from me. I'm not woried about that.

Later, had to make another turning because of ''someone''. LOL. hAiz. make my life miserable. LOL. Nearly bumped into him. Hated that moment. I had to pull away first. Anyway, something that i can be proud of, I didn't cry at all. =) see?? i'm strong aren't i? Told ya,but you didn't believe me. X) Rm5 from those who didn't think i could survive~~~~ haha! Later, went to find chaw hui and carolyn, they made me go ask the camera or rechargeable battery or something something...they said she'll know. -.- so whatever, went to look for her, just went outside pandu room, xuezheng just called out to me, nearly shouted HA MI DAI SI back to him, but stopped myself in time. T.T yeah, you're right. HE was there. In the end, nodded to him and remembered that i owed him cuz he lent me his seni folio. So when he walked past i said, about your folio, i gotta borrow a bit longer. Forgotten what he said, because i wasn't paying attention. Or maybe he didn't reply... but, HE never turned back. That left his back. I tried to bang my head at the wall to get the fact INTO my head that things'll never be the same. But why? Why must i be so stubborn? I don't know too. I nearly went mad. I think he grew taller anyway. =P . LOL.

The moon is so full tonight. I keep wondering if he would think of me. But I guess not. I'll tell you the story later. But first, let me tell you about my night. When i got home from school, mom told me to hurry up and bathe because we're going to see the new electone stagea showroom. Well, because, i'm planning to get a new one. Well, it is time to upgrade my organ, i do love my current one. But, well..mom says if we get the stagea later, when we trade, its gonna be very hard.. because the longer its used, the less worth it'll be. The original price of the stagea is 47,5000 i think. Or is it 37,5000?? I dunno, cuz we got both dealers and we're trying to get the best price. So in the end, my music teacher's side got the best price..so we bought from that side. And after we trade in my current electone(EL-900), i think its gonna be...i dunno. LOL. Cuz i'm not pretty sure about the price too. Phew..but this is new stagea sure is gonna do a lot of things for me, and now we're clearing the backroom so we can fit the stagea in there. GEE...it is hard. Clearing the storeroom was never easy. -.-

And after we've signed all those stuff, we went back home. MOM and dad dropped me and my sis off and go pak to. T.T haha! zadao! Nah, i'm just kidding, they went to the supermarket to buy things...dunno what. =.= so i on the computer because there was homework to do, and of course when you on the comp, its kinda hard to resist online-ing..=.= as soon as i onlined, there was this sign that said, i appear offline, do i wanna appear online,i pressed enter!! OMGG..LOL. actually i wanted to change back to appear offline, but something stopped me. i hesitated before saying hi, little did i know...he was....occupied. I let him have the last word. Twice. I can't believe i'm that speechless when i'm facing him. GAHH! and his last word was ''fine''. I'm tired of lying ''i'm fine i'm fine''. ''No, i'm not gonna cry over that jerk.'' cuz in the end, i'll just end up having to hold my tears and going back home to cry. and mom's gonna ask why which will be hard for me to answer. I'm afraid i just won't be the same JOAN i was anymore. Its hard to be cheerful when i don't have the mood. Which i seldom have these days.

If you ever read this, please remember that i really am not trying to make you guilty. because you've done your part. I should be doing my part too. I won't force you..because i know what you want. We have different goals in life, and for our goals we are running apart from each other, and ... yeah. i guess it'll never work out for you. But i just wanna know, isn't there any chance to be together anymore? I know i'm holding on to the past, but.................i don't wanna live with regrets too. T.T

School day: Monday

I'm afraid of walking alone. I want you by my side.

Another week has gone pass. The feelings haven't subside. I wonder how long will it take me to FULLY recover. I eat normally now. (i'm eating and typing at the moment, normal?==") and i do sleep now. Honestly, but i always wake up at 5 o'clock. Why? I have absolutely no idea. Gosh, its killing me to see myself nowadays. I look terrible. My eye bags are getting worse, i'm having black eyes too. Like a panda girl. Geez, no wonder i hate looking into mirrors nowadays. Well, i was never a big fan of mirrors. So yeah. You get the picture. =.=

Anyway, just brief you guys about my week last week, and probably yesterday. Okay, this was...i think last last last week stuffs. We (min yu, yinglee, yonghan and me) were playing Truth or Truth because well, the teacher was a crazy "OWL" who says I all the time. Know who? Yes? Good. Haha. So while we were playing, the tension was quite thick. Haha. Not exactly, just that, we were very serious. Even Min yu is serious. Wow. I never thought i'd live to see the day he was serious. XD oops. And so, skip skip skip, they asked me who i liked and i told them. LOL. i'm clever enough. So, those who know i'm clever will know what i said. LOL !! And later, Our BELOVED DANIEL LING came back!!! AHHH!!! LOL. And then yonghan told him what questions we asked. And all of us promised that what is said cannot be repeated to other people. so blah blah blah. Daniel keep asking me who i like, and i didn't want to tell him, cuz its gonna be the hottest gossip of the universe (i think). LOL! nah, just kidding. So i kept giving him clues and later he ask is it this block..then i hesitated and said, yes. Then it was like he wanted to ask more, but i said, HEY, THAT'S A HUGE CLUE. and then Woo CHun Hong said,

"wAhh, huge clue weihs, huge clue, wah 英文哩。。wah..ehh, 什么是huge clue?"( he asked the person beside him.)

OMGGG!!! ROFLMAO!! hahahaha. and then another thing, ying lee and i were talking about ''somebody'' who betrayed her friend, (LOL)! and then i told ying lee something that she reacted quite...well. You know what, so she said, (PN LAU WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF US)

"yerh! 酱坏的她！如果是我，我早就一巴盖下去了！！"

and then the teacher stared at us. I snorted and began to laugh. Ying lee looked horrified and said, ''sorry teacher sorry teacher...." omggg!!!! it was so damn funny!! but the teacher didn't say anything..she just raised an eyebrow and walked away. Ohmyholygosh..haha!! It happened on a thursday i remember. Haha.

Nothing really happened yesterday. All i can remember is the time when he looked at me. I keep replaying the scene when our eyes met. I tried to focus on the things teacher was saying, alas, i lost myself again. Gahh. It just hurts me to know that he's the one who turns away always. And now, i have to turn away before he turns, because i can't bear it when he's the one who turns away first. T.T

So anyway, i hope you've enjoyed my post. LOL. even though it was quite boring i suppose. I'll try to be more myself, so i could bring joy and laughter in class. HAha.Byee!! =)

24th of April. Busy day.

Guess who?! XD Hey guys, rmb the joke?? haha!


Its the birthday girl!! Tadaa!!! XD


Me feeding her. LOL.

LOL!

Now this, when i was setting the timer, all of them were nibbling it. OMgg!! caught ya!! haha!

I ran so fast to my place that i thought i ran faster than lightning. HAHA!

I took the 1st and tried. Its like a round mini chocolate cake. =P

LOL. only melanie ada makan. XD

they help us take, we help them take. haha!

Shoot #1

Shoot #2 . haha.

YOu know, while taking this pic, 3 of us were sucking up the water together. haha!

then 3 of them. see?? siao suan and mel so good, get to drink so many times. ahaha!!!

Me and the birthday girl. XD

3 of us, cheeching just add in. HAHA! funny!!

Okay, to start this...this..WONDERFUL day, I went to school as we had cross-country race. Melanie they all didn't go, so that left me alone. GAHH. LOL. Anyways, i had to drag myself up and before i took the first step, i banged into the wall. Gee, it really is a wonderful way to start the day. =.= OKay okay, to shorten the whole story, the end. Haha, nah, i'm just fooling around. Um.. okay, i reached school, saw Selena and she said she wanted to find Pn Toh. Okay, so i just let her go and i went to Bilik Pandu. WHY? because i brought my phone. LOL. its not exactly illegal, its just that we weren't encouraged to bring it. But anyway, when i was on the way, i saw him. But i pretended that we were just strangers walking past each other. =.= Later that, i was given the duty to carry boxes of water to give out to the students. LOL. Finish that, we sat there and wait. For the people to come back. ==".

Saw him countless times, tried to breathe deeply, but in the end, i forgot how to breathe again. Oh man. But whatever. Later when the crowds start coming back, i was busy handing out the water bottles. I didn't see him come back, and then when i turned my head, i saw him panting. Well, good to know that he's back. I kept on giving out waters, and then i only realize someone was stalking me. I went to the crowds and fit in. LOL. Later, tried to play a fool on my sis, little did i know, he was there. Oh well. You will notice that this whole post is nearly about him.. well, because, nothing. Just playing a fool. =.= Its just that i can't help looking for him, whenever he is not near me. Oh whatever. Later, really saw him LOADS OF times, even sometimes just standing in front of me. GAhh. =.= then, okay, giving out prizes, he got a prize too. congratz. =P

Later, my sis they all wanted to go to pizza hut for a pandu meeting. its about our pameran. LOL. skip skip skip. before we went, we waited for vivian to change to a t shirt. While waiting, i entertained myself by playing Lor Jian Sheng's phone. The racing car game . That's so fun. LOL. but i keep losing. LOL.=.= but whatever. Vivian came out, so we walked out of the school. Okay okay, then while we were passing the jambatan...saw someone..was being 38 too..=.= skip skip skip.finally reached, saw andrew they all there. LOL. Bock and kahyee too. Then, mom came and fetch me because i had another event to attend. So went home, bathe and stuff. Bla bla bla. 1.30p.m went out again. LOL. TO?? CHEE CHING'S BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!! =)

Reached 100 degree(100度). LOL Just beside paparich. WALAO. i so scared later XXX come out beat me. haha, LOL anyway, sat down and 38 a while only that Melanie come. =.= so we start to order and all those. Later when out soup all come then Melanie went out. Dunno do what lehh?? HOR??=.= anyway, our food came out. and we were not at all ladylike, all of us took banyak banyak food. Then when Melanie came back..Oops. nothing to makan. HAHA! No la, just not much varirety to choose from. omgg! so damn funny!! haha. so anyway, while i was cooking halfway, um...my soup was half porridge ,so...it got burnt. HAHA. omgg..that time we were laughing our heads off about it! but nevermind, that person changed it for me. so after we eat finish, we brought out the cake!!! And then we sang happy birthday song to cheeching. Who cares what people think of us. WE ARE THE WORLD~~ lol. okay, cut the crap. After blowing candle, all of fed her a mouth of cake. I wanted her to eat the chocolate part of the cake. haha!LOL . then...took pictures. XD haha! Around 4 o'clock, i had to go because i had music class. Music class was okay, just that probably i was thinking too much and mixed up all my songs. Gahh. =.=

That's the end of the day!! =) thank you for ''listening''!! XD

End of the week. Thank GOD!!! =.=

Well , its been a week . And amazingly , i've survived . LOL. It is hard, but I'd gone through it. And i thought i would never recover from being ''LOVE SICK''. Gahh.. =.= though i still have trouble sleeping (and i'm having eye bags!! T.T) but, i could eat now.

To make this post interesting, i've got some things to tell you guys. Um, this week, loads of things happened. 2 guys ask me to accept them at the same time. I told one of them i can't, so that's that. Hope he gave up *please please please . The OTHER one, well, quite a hard nut. =.= He asked me if i was single. And i said yes, single but unavailable. Whatever. I thought he would go away, little did i know, he sticked like a leech to me. =.= gahh! and what happened today was, when i finish tugas and grabbed my bag from BP, and i went back class, i saw something on my table. =.= it was in black big fonts. like this:

JOAN, I LOVE YOU.

I was honestly stunned. ARGHH!!!! Ohmygoodness!! GOD BLESS ME!!! =.=i honestly have a big fan. And everyone in class was teasing me about it. =.= And and and, that ''somebody'' told everyone!!!! OH my GOSH. anyway, gotta go, tell you guys more about it next time! =) =.=LOOL!!!