No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

Happy Birthday to me.

2011-11-28T18:13:00.000-08:00

So yeah, its my birthday again. But everything's different this year. No surprises, no him. Well, i guess i'll have to learn to accept facts and ignore fictions in my life. Its a busy year next year, i am so gonna study hard cuz i wanna get into good college and study overseas. DON'T EVER UNDERESTIMATE ME. HAHA. I will show you my awesomeness. Just you wait. ;P

It's okay. I don't blame you. Afterall it is my fault that i'm not good enough to make you stay. I will better myself these times. And then you will see the REAL me. I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask how you are. I hope you will see something that will make you wish you had stayed. I've always had everything planned out, but i never plan on you walking out of my life. I've never wanted you to regret any decision you make, but this time, I really hope you know what you've lost. But if you dont come to realize its a lost, that's fine with me. As long as you're living how you want your life to be, since our "point of living" is different. Whatever that meant. But nothing is going to stop me from going out with all your best friends, as in, we become best friends. And no matter what, I will always think about my best friends first, under certain circumstances of course. But i want to give you a piece of advice, if you truly love a girl, you will love her everything including her friends, her flaws. I guess, you just didnt know that. I really hope, you find a girl who can accept you for who you are, and have the same "point of living".

I loved you. I always did. It's just, you never trust me; you never did.
If you come back to me now, i would still love you.
But if you decide against it, I wish you will know you lost something important.

I Hate You.
I Love You too.
But I Love You more than I Hate You. ;/

2011-11-22T02:23:00.000-08:00

我真的非常喜欢你。我也不想骗谁，说过得很好。我对不起自己罢了。我承认，这一切都是我一手造成，让你难过，我真的不知道该怎么道歉。但是，如果分手能够解决一切问题，那么全世界都不会有夫妻。因为，问题是用来巩固一段感情。我本来想和你一起承担，解决问题。但看来，你一点都不想。好吧，祝你愉快。再见。

跟你在一起，我从来没想过放弃。

2011-11-20T20:27:00.000-08:00

So yes, another heartbreak. I don't know what to do. Talk about the stupidest reason to break up. I always thought you would understand, and we did promise to never argue over stupid things. But now you just thought leaving would be best, i should've known it when i tested you. I don't wanna get my hopes up anymore. I just wanna be a normal person. Why isit so hard to just let go? I know these things need time, and i will get used to it. And when that time comes, i'll show you how well i've been living. I'll make you believe the impossible, and i'll show you and everyone that, silent prayers can be answered too.

One day, i'll be fine. I've lived 12 years of my life without you, sure i can live without you now. And i will. but you know,

Somehow you lost feel, i get that its my fault. And it is truly my fault. I admit. So if you lose interest in me just because i dont spend time with you, i wont agree with you. I wont even bother to talk to you. Because:

Come back come back come back to me like you would you would if this was a movie stand in the rain outside till i came out.

Come back come back come back to me like you could you could if you just say you're sorry,
I know that we could work it out somehow.
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now.

Fiction.

2011-05-23T03:44:00.000-07:00

First, i'm showing you guys something that's totally worth the time! XD

Normal....

WINK! *screams! and faints. -,-*

Isn't he adorable? GAH. I'm so high now! XD anyway. nothing really exciting today... Except, something stupid happened. -,- Well, it didn't exactly "happen" as it was clumsy me... Accidentally doing it. lol!

Its like that, i got up in the morning, and then i went to brush my teeth and did my stuffs. Anyway, i saw my mom prepareing burger for me. And my hands and mouth itched to get it. So i made no effort of stoping myself. Unfortunately... I ran out of time and i rushed down so i wouldn't miss the bus. But yeap, i forgotten to wear my glasses. lol!. -,- So you can guess that i was practically blind the whole day in school. Lol!

That pretty much does it. -,- And later, our english teacher who was absent for quite a few days, (and she hasn't given us back our english paper 2! TT) told us her story of why she was absent. Her grandfather passed away... *tears in eyes*, so she went back to Kuching attended all the funeral.... And came back, without the papers. -,- *RAWR* lol! But that's okay, whatever. lol!

That's about it. I'm soooo tired cuz i'm sick. Sorry guys. TT

Oops. ;/

2011-05-19T00:30:00.000-07:00

You bet. ;D

Yea yea i know. Its like since forever since i have updated my blog. Well i'm really sorry but i was busy studying (YEAH RIGHT*rolls eyes*). No, i'm really serious, i really did study. And YES, if you have to know, it does make a BIG difference between NOT studying and studying. -,- But, why the annoyed looks? I did apologise, didn't i? ;D aww c'mon don;t gimme that look. -,- Its either you find this amusing or you're just plain boring with no sense of humour. JUST KIDDING.

Anyway, urm... its been hectic since i haven't blogged. Which is, the reason why i did not... you know, update this dude. Brief explanations:

I was so so so so so so so so so so so BUSY.

There. Short and sweet.(like minskirt)ps: this quote was from my chinese teacher. @@

Anyway, okay. i've finished exams and just wanted to tell you guys bout my incredible marks. You would just laugh your head off when you see these. Just, be sure to pick it up before it rolls down the hill. But seeing that we're not living anywhere neatr the hills, you'll have to chase it for a long way. LOL! Nah, i'm just talking crap. Gosh... i'm so tired. -.-I've changed my mind, i'm not gonna tell you guys bout my "incredible" marks. We can store it in the hush-hush business.

I'm so frustrated lately. Things are going wrong and worse. Phew. How do people cope with it when i'm on the edge of the cliff? -,- Argh, i don't know what to say. Ending it seems impossible. Mimicking nicholas these few days, i'm like... the chipmunk version... or in modern days, one of the iphone apps, TALKING TOM! Yea, normally i am annoyed. but it seems i'm annoying nicholas more. AHAHA. -,- Its just so crazy now. LOL!

Anyway, i gotta go, my mom is coming home any second, RUN! XD

Peer pressure.

2011-03-29T05:59:00.000-07:00

I know its been a long time since i've blogged. I've been so busy everyday, catching up with homeworks, assignments, friends, gossips... I haven't even slept well. LOL actually i did. Ok, fine i was kind of lazy. But i don't wanna close my blog so i'll just drop by and just brief you guys bout what's on. LOL.

Anyway, today i logged in to blog about peer pressure and trusts in friends. I don't really know where to start, i love all my friends, i really do, its just sometimes i wish they could understand that i'm not the same as them. I like to put up my leg when i sit so i do that, so what if i look .... well, not-lady-like? I simple don't care how i look. Because i was born this way, and i like the way i am.

And, great. we move on to boys. I don't like to talk bout it but i'm just gonna have to talk bout it if not i'm losing my sanity. Yes, maybe i do feel something for him, but i'm trying to stop it. This is just me being silly. And i don't know what to say,i don't wanna tell you is because i know you'll go round telling ppl bout it. Sigh. high school. this is all peeps. TT

Joanie.

Thousand Apologies.

2011-02-08T06:44:00.000-08:00

Forgive me? XD

Ah crap. Before you guys start pummeling me with questions, i will say sorry for... not updating my blog. I have a very good reason, the reason is... actually come to think of it, nah, i don't have a reason. One sentence, i admit, i ditched my blog. -,- But anyway, i'm back people! Put your hands up! XD Nah okay fine whatever.

Yeah, its been pretty insane lately. Not lately only, since the last time i blog, everything is going so fast, like.. Phew. I don't even know how we got here. But anyway, since we're here, erm... i'll just brief slightly about what happened recently, and recently, and recently. Hmm.

So yeah, let's skip some boring parts shall we, January skip. Chinese new year... Hmm, okay then i'll just say a LITTLE bout it. As usual, i went back to my hometown, had a fight with my dad in the car(we're both hot tempered so mostly i'm the only one who fights back during a fight)-,- reached there, ate lunch, spent the few days there eating , watching tv, sleep. eat , tv, sleep. And you can bet, yeap. The word GUILT is written all over my face. Gosh. That's why, i need to swim to.. well, don't feel so guilty. -,- Um, there are a lot of first times there. Like the first time i woke up and took a walk in the morning too, but of course i'm not a bad girl like CHAN SWEELYNN, i told my mom only i went out. See? I'm telling you i'm not so bad. And the first time i DID NOT drink soft drinks at all. I'm kinda impressed with myself. C'mon gimme a round of applause man. *clap clap clap*

Ahh lame. I know Lately,i've been high and crazy. People can't stand me i think. XD

Hmm... Back to school. Its such a pain in the ass. Gosh, i feel like my whole body is still in holiday mood. I lose myself in school. I can't remember what i just did , can you believe that? I mean, that really sucks. LOL. Let's start with monday. Nothing... Unspecial. Because everyday i laugh like mad, we curi makan in class. CRAP! i know! I'm bad, but not so bad like CHAN SWEELYNN.

tuesday. . .aka today.

Had some sort of march thingy going on. Quite in a bad mood during marching cuz someone pissed me off. -,- Sigh. This person is tired of living i guess. He has absolutely nothing to do that's why he wanted to piss me off. -,- Which makes me a bad person scolding all the bad word. Super, that makes me really happy. TT

Anyway, gotta go people. Ciaoz. XD

21st of Dec : A letter to OPO ♥

2010-12-21T05:37:00.000-08:00

Cute right? Come to think of it, this looks a bit like you. XD well, except for the ribbon.

Dear OPO , just got your message through windows live messenger. I must be looking like an idiot now who keeps smiling. I think i'm gonna have a crack on the side of my mouth XD haha. Anyway, hope you're fine there. The weather's quite cold here, (YA, i know, in MALAYSIA, cold?! *freaky* XP) so i'm wondering whether you're hugging yourself for warmth there. Haha. If not enough, there's actually some here. XD

So anyway i was going to blog about what happened today. Not much actually, just that my friend came over and we did log files together. Haha, yea i'm still doing log files. Swtz right? And yea laughed a lot, i even forgotten bout you for quite a moment. XP just kidding . Just sometimes i need something to take you off my mind. LOL. but overall, i'm fine. It's like living my everyday life.

Then i watched the korean drama. Yea, i nearly died of excitement. haha. Shinwoo is... Haiz. Really good LOL. So that's all , for now. Nothing exciting ever happens here. T.T too bad huh?

Am starting to count down. X) So, hope you're having fun there. ;D miss you.

joan (;

20th of Dec : A letter to OPO ♥

2010-12-20T01:42:00.000-08:00

Dear OPO, its been quite a fun day today. I couldn't get use to you NOT texting me in the morning, which i suppose became a habit for me to keep checking my darn phone. And then it strucked me that you were never going to text me. Only then, i tossed my phone somewhere else. Where, i'm not quite sure yet. But, it may probably turn up whenever someone calls. Right now, i'm too lazy to even go find for it.

Hmm starting off with morning, i woke up quite early. Perhaps around 7? Was it? I'm not quite sure. Well, i woke up that early because the youths are coming over to my place to play basketball and swim. I don't suppose you know them, so i'll skip the introductions. Anyway, we played basketball and halfway resting , i couldn't help thinking bout you. And i suppose its because i wasn't doing anything. So i got up, and joined them again. It didn't exactly work, but i suppose better than nothing. Isn't it? Okay, i really had fun today ;D So you don't need to worry. I'm perfectly fine ;)

After that , we went to MAMAK stall to eat. I think my sister suggested that we go the restaurants near our school. =.=" you know what? There's a mamak just along my place and we're going that far . Yea, i suppose she lost it. BIG TIME. TEEHEE XD anyway, we ordered the food and it took more than ... what, 10 minutes? for the guy to get our order right. But, guess what? He still got one wrong. =.=" i ordered my roti canai but it never came. T.T so i was left with ... well. NASI LEMAK. UGH.

So after that, i think all of us ate already so perhaps we become comfortable and all of us got dilemma. Well, maybe some. Because we were deciding to whether swim or NOT swim. Because the pool was dirty, so we went to the other condo there to swim. =.=" And anyway, i swam today. LOL. And while i was in the water, (because there was a case that a kid drowned in the pool)so i was thinking, how come he drowned and loads of other stuff. Which made me thought of you. AGAIN. You don't know how to swim. LOL. But, oh well, nevermind.

So then it rained. And we had to go up. Okay, then we went to my house, had a hot milo and they went. And then something happened (if you wanna know. remind me to tell you bout it) and then i was too tired so i slept. So that's bout it. At night, i'm gonna watch the drama. *screams and faints* ;) haha. I hope you're having fun there, OPO. And i miss you a lot.

I love you , OPO ♥

joan

Speak Now. ♥

2010-12-01T07:43:00.000-08:00

*screams and faints* ;)

Ain't she pretty? XD except for her outfit. LOL!

Well, some of you know that my BFF's got me Taylor Swift's album. *jumps up and down, screams and faints* Phew, do not worry. I am fine. Anyway, found this... Prologue, she wrote. Wonderful, absolutely inspiring i see. Boy, is she talented! She sings awesome songs, has awesome voice, writes awesome songs, and is so breathtakingly beautiful. ;D Sigh.

Anyway, will just type it to let you guys read bout it. Really good. I salute her. *SALUTE* TEEHEE!

"Speak now or forever hold your peace," the words said by the preachers at the end of wedding ceremonies all over the world, right before the vows. It's a last chance for protest, and a moment I've always been strangely fascinated by. So many fantasize about bursting into a church, saying what they'd kept inside for years like in the movies. In real life, it rarely happens.

Real life is a funny thing you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, the most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I've begun to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything.

I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life, and looking back regretting the moments we didn't speak up. When we didn't say 'I love you'. When we should've said 'I'm sorry', When we didn't stand up for ourselves or someone who needed help.

These songs are made up of words I didn't say when the moment was right in front of me. These songs are open letters. Each is written with a specific person in mind telling them what i meant to tell them in person. To the beautiful boy whose heart i broke in December. To my first love who i never thought would be my first heartbreak. To my band. To a mean man I used to be afraid of. To someone who made my world very dark for awhile. To a girl who stole something of mine. To someone I forgive for what he said in front of the whole world.

Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good., because the only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone.

What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you'll stutter and you'll walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest.

So say it to them. Or say it to yourself in the mirror. Say it in a letter you'll never send or in a book millions might read someday. I think you deserve to look back on your life without a chorus of resounding voices saying ''I could've, but its too late now. "

There is a time for silence. There is a time for waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it.

I don't think you should wait. I think you should SPEAK NOW.

PS : To all the boys who inspired this album,

you should've known. ;)

love,

Taylor

Taylor Swift's songs are what every girl wants to say.♥

29.11.2010 ♥

2010-11-30T06:37:00.000-08:00

This picture means a lot to me. ;)

Okay, so according to the title above, hmm... Its MOI birthday. (; ahaha. Well, in the morning it was kinda busy for me, i went to this singapore girl guides interact event. Hmm, quite interesting, we learnt how to dance indian dance. XD haha. Tres interesting.

Okay, went back home and went to bathe. Blah blah blah. And then, planned to watch "Dear John". But my sis ''prohibited'' me from watching. XD I was real mad that time, but now i know why. XD haaha. Next, went on facebook, syok-ing sendiri halfway. My mom wanted me to take something from her car. GAHH!! =.=" I was so annoyed. Mor eannoyed when my sis took her own sweet time. P/s:i wanted to get back to facebook ASAP! XD

And so, we ended up "visiting" all the floors. =.=" Sicko people right? I know, trust my sis to do that. Hrr. So in the end we reached ground floor. LOL. And when i went out, everyone (melanie, cheeching,phuiyeng,siaosuan,sweelynn,karhoe,yuesum,nicholas and yinglee) jumped out and shouted happy birthday.LOL! I really was stunned. LOL. so anyway, we ended up fooling around. LOL. We played uno only. And just fool around. LOL. =.="

Anyway, really want to thank all o fmy BFFLs again. Honestly, maybe nick, you think its not really good, but i want you guys to know, the hard work you guys put in were all written all over your faces. ;) All over your pretty and handsome faces. XD

Okay, dad's lecturing me to get off the comp already. Once again, thank you my BFFs. Love you guys. ♥

The true battle is in yourself, not with others.

2010-11-06T06:40:00.000-07:00

Well peeps. the picture i took above was at the Kelana Jaya Yamaha Music Centre. Yes, you might be wondering what the hell am i doing there huh? Well, i went for a competition. Details, i'm too lazy for that. Have i mentioned that LAZY is my 3rd middle name? ;D i guess not. So now you know. Anyway, results? I didn't get in the final round. But its really okay for me. I probably got ready for that before the competition. Well, i must say i was pretty proud of myself for doing quite a good job, LOL. Because i think i finally conquered my stage fright. Its true, i'm not afraid of doing anything now. Okay, maybe SOME but not the minor ones. But anyway, its an achievement. And it tastes, SU-WEEEET baby! ;D

Anyway, due to the fact that my school is on holiday and i don't need to go to school on thursday, which gave me the PURR-FECT, opportunity, to go back to my primary school. And the school certaintly changed a lot. Tres interesting if i may say. But, anyway, my main goal was to go back to school to .... COLLECT JUNKFOOD! ;D oh c'mon, i'm sure everyone would like some junkfood now and then. Even my mom, who's kind of a health-freak, asks me to pop one into her mouth, but then, she'll give me the *YUCKS* look. OH man, she just wasted one of my favourite CHEEZELS. T.T yup, you bet i am pretty miserable over that. (music please!)*i am in misery,there ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah!* =.=" okay. overdose of junkfoods i guess! Hmm, nothing much , just took some pictures of the small kids performing, they look, slightly like nick, except, he's UGLY but adorable, whereas the kids look, well... just, ADORABLE. ;D

this, well... I don't know what the hell are they doing.

err... fan dance? LOL!

Diabolo! they did a very good job. LOL!

Hip Hop club, BAD ROMANCE. =.= err.... as min yu would say, SO-SO la. XD

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

2010-11-03T05:33:00.000-07:00

Isn't it beautiful? I wish i was this pretty, LOL.

Phew! Nearly 3 weeks of exams certainly has tired all of us out. All of us look like pandaS when we went to school. AHA! A new name for Sri Sentosa, The School For PandaS! Its not really a bad thing, it means the students study hard until they gave up their beauty, especially the girls! A girl needs her beauty sleep. Ahaha. Nah, just fooling 'round.

Anyway, i felt like blogging 'cuz, i was feeling really bad. Yue Sum told me something and i was really bothered 'bout it. I know i shouldn't be worried bout it. It's the past, c'mon! I know, but i'm really gonna have a nervous breakdown next time. Gosh. I feel like its the end of the world. I hate that person. I really don't know how to face people next year. I have my rights! That bastard!=.=

Gahh.

Like my title, sometimes i thought about forgiving everyone that's offended me. But, sometimes, when you come to think of it, some people call you some really bad words, and say they dont mean it. I mean, how can you call someone a SH and say you dont mean it. That's redonkulous! =.= But maybe i really should learn to let go. Maybe i'll be a happier person this way. Maybe everything will turn out right when you're forgiving, because, maybe you changed your point of view. Sometimes, i find for the real me. Who I really am, but i never found Joan Chia, I don't even know who i am anymore. I just wanna be a normal girl. That's all.

Forgiving is not a gift to someone else - Forgiving is your gift to yourself - a great gift - the gift of happiness.

You Are What You Make Of Yourself.

2010-10-12T18:08:00.000-07:00

Life is full of colours. You have your pick of M&Ns. ;D

Actually, I meant to write this for my friend. LOL.

Hey, um... i know lately you are kinda relying on someone. And i really want you to know that he's a good guy. You know who i'm talking about. I know, that's he has touched your wounds inside. I've noticed that whenever you talk about him, you always smile, i'm happy for you. And yeah, i know you don't want anybody to get hurt anymore. You're a kind girl, you'd rather you get hurt yourself and you don't want anybody getting hurt because of you. But that's just it, you can't make it that way. And i can see that you're stuggling. You are touched by him, but you're afraid. I know how you feel. You don't want a relationship, but you want him to stand by your side, be with you through your ups and downs, support you in everything you do, and.... feeling all protective around you. I know, i understand. Okay, maybe not very precise, but... still, we're both girls, we know how a girl feels right? And i know that's what he feels for you. I'm not asking you to accept him, and i know, you wanna focus, i'm just telling you to take it easy. Not easy, i know. LOL. anyway, he might always wait for you, then again, he might not. But, just so you know, i will always love you, even though we've only known each other for like... what? One year? And i really think God forgotten to give you as my sibling, so he sent you as my best friend instead. XD Love ya.

I know,

That's my point.

There is no such thing as in recovering fully in love, you might recover, but there will always be a crack.

2010-10-09T23:49:00.000-07:00

Lately i haven't been blogging much i know. Well, i've decided to study starting from now. ;D Aww, come on, wipe that face off, i know your eyes must be bulging out of their sockets to know that i've started studying. And so, erm... well, i kind of feel tired of everything lately. Amazing what studying can do huh?

Anyway, i have a question, so i hope some can answer me, but what is trust? Is it something you must have in daily life? I noticed that we've been fighting/argueing a lot. But i feel like you're unhappy with me about some things. I don't know what you want me to do. He is only my best friend, and does that issue bother you so much? Does it matter to you? You just don't get it. Even though you told me that you trust me, i find it hard to believe you. Maybe, i'm over sensitive, but i'm not stupid. I know you, when you're angry, you tend to have this "whatever" attitude. And why is it so hard to trust me?

To be honest, when you said you can't accept that, i was so shocked. You can't imagine how it feels like, its like you were walking along the street minding your own business and suddenly an airplane lands right in front of you. All along you said you were fine and then now you tell me its not fine? Are you trying to kill me? =.=" You guys might be equally important to me, but its not the same. He's like my bro, you... its a whole different case.

When i see you, i'm almost afraid to look at you. I don't dare to look into your eyes, cuz i'm afraid that you might see my weakness. And you can't imagine how fast my heart beats when i see you, sometimes i swear that my heart stopped for that second. You don't know that's how i feel don't you? When i'm near you, i'm afraid to breathe, i'm afraid that you will hear my heart beating. And when i see you, its as if butterflies were flying in my stomach and this knot just can't ever be removed.

That's all I have to say.

Love is metaphysical gravity. ♥

2010-10-03T02:59:00.000-07:00

You really have absolutely no idea. :X

Today, i was getting all grumpy and bad tempered because of some minor stuffs. Yeah, i am bad tempered. So anyway, i was going on and on about how other people and their siblings cope with each other and using other people siblings to compare with my sis to my mom. And when i was halfway through a sentence, my mom told me, you know, you don't hate your sister so much, its just that you're being bad-tempered now and really wanna let go. I understand, but you really don't mean it. And even though you are going to fight back and tell me "As a matter of fact, I DO mean it." You really don't mean it. Oh well.

And then i calmed down and thought, my mom's right, I don't mean it. I'm happy with my sister although sometimes we grit our teeth and feel like we wanna rip out each other heads just to get even. But that's the whole point isn't it? Siblings are meant to fight, and later hug each to make it up. Siblings are meant to talk about everything and stay up late just to talk about it. There isn't any way to cut this bond between family.

And i know, often some would say, " OHH! that lucky bitch! How i wish i were her !" well, you really don't wanna be her because she's a bitch as you just said. And comparing your life, your special-in-every-way-life, with someone who, perhaps you barely know, isn't worth it. Because you just DON'T KNOW what that person's been through. For all you know, that person may be a person with leukemia or aids, but they look so healthy. Yeah, when you're them, perhaps you'll think back, maybe being myself is the best. And this is the part, where you moan and groan and throw a humoungous tantrum and everybody you love gets hurt. Whoa, if you did that, congrats, you are so brilliant.

You have to know, if God made us all different, it means we were all meant to do different things. I'm sure this has happened many times, when you hope for this something, you got another thing instead. And later, you were furious and was thinking about flinging yourself off the highest floor. Well, don't even bother to think about it, it doesn't help. NOT that i've tried it before. -,- And next, you were so happy that you got this instead and it was at good purpose. Has that ever happened before? I'm sure it has. So, you see, everything happens for a REASON. Things may not come in the way that you expected it, but in a different way, that perhaps, changed you, or your point of view.

When i was small, i wanted a barbie doll every year for my birthday. Of course, that never happened. But, i got this barbie doll during one of my birthdays. My sister already has one, so i've been "harassing" my mom to get one for me. And she did, so i treasured the barbie doll and took really great care of it. And its still in good shape till now. Yes, i'm still keeping it. Shush. :X And the next year, i HOPED that she would get another one for me. But sadly, i didn't get anything for my birthday, or did i ? I've forgotten. But i remembered, i went to New Zealand and met my aunt's friends there, one of them gave me a book, and i still have it till now. It was this, TOY STORY BOOK, that led me to my current favourite activity, i suppose you should know. Reading.

Weird isn't it, how things work? It's fascinating to me. Absolutely mind-boggling. Explosive mind-booming. PHEW. I started to accept things they are now, like, i was trying to feed a bird that came into my garden but when i was reaching it, it flew away. =.=" i reckon it thinks i'm gonna catch it and torture it. I don't blame it. This means the bird is really smart to know what humans are thinking, NOT that i'm thinking about it. So anyway, this is what i have to say only. Good day people. ;D

And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

2010-09-13T20:31:00.000-07:00

Yes, agree to disagree. ;)

Okay, first things first, i'm really sorry for not updating my blog. Its kinda impossible for me to use the computer nowadays, let alone go on net. Why? Because my house is currently on renovation, and i've practically brought all these electrical devices into my pig-sty room. And because the only thing that can entertain me is my cell phone, i've been using it quite a lot, so the battery runs out at an incredible speed. -,- Trust me, i've been gritting my teeth over this issue.

So anyway, i just felt like blogging today because... well.. i'm not sure. I feel like lately, i'm always so edgy, and i tend to fight back. The urge of winning is stronger than anything. Yes, i do wonder if something is wrong with me. I get so worked up on small matters and get jumpy with everything. For instance, yesterday... i saw something that bothered me quite annoyingly, i was irritated. But i kept on telling myself. He's just being friendly. No biggie. But in the end, it got to me. I won't deny it, yes, i was angry. I was uncomfortable. I wasn't feeling safe. But most important,i'm afraid. Of what, i don't know. How many times had i been assured that i won't be alone, that i don't need to worry? I know, perhaps if i'm thinking this way, it means i have no faith. Yes, i do admit, perhaps i have been so close to him that i did not care about how you REALLY feel, i shrugged away any feeling that you wouldn't feel uncomfortable, thinking that you would understand it. But perhaps i was wrong, as always.

The whole point of this post, is i don't know too. Maybe i wanted to get things straight. That yes, i love him. But as a friend, a very good friend, my best friend. And it ends there. Whatever your friends say, i don't care, and i hope you don't care too. I just want you to know, whatever happened yesterday, it was mostly my fault. I was narrow-minded. My mood swings are terrible and i suck at self-control. I didn't want to admit that MAYBE you were right, i wanted to win, i guess. Its two different case. I was hoping that maybe you would get tired of me and just leave me, so i can have a reason to cry without seeming like a cry-baby. But no, you were always so patient. So caring, although you're not really perfect, but to me, its these imperfections that made you so perfect that for the briefest moment, i thought you were perhaps a guardian angel sent from God. Which made me so mad at you. Pretty ironic huh? Yeah, i know, i'm this idiotic fool who doesn't know what she has. Sweelynn told me countless times that she envied me that i got someone like you. Wow, if you're reading this, you must be silently laughing to yourself. ;D i know you are. Ahaha. ;)

So i just wanna end this post, to let you know, thanks for understanding me. For tolerating my barely tolerable attitude. Gosh, what did i do to deserve someone like you. XD

2010-08-27T06:54:00.000-07:00

Hey people, i know its been a long time since i blogged. Well, i've decided to turn over a new leaf, and study hard for the coming exam. Whoa, shocked? Yeah, shocking news happen in your everyday life. Not to worry too much about it though, I'm PURRR-FECTLY fine. ;D thanks for your concern!! ( Perasan. )

Saturday.

Anyway, nothing interesting happened. Really. Just that i chat with an old classmate of mine last saturday. I printscreen these while we were chatting through webcam, haha, shh~ he doesn't know. :D We played Checkers and Uno. It was really fun, gosh, i didn't know it was so fun. LOL.

Today.

We had debate competition. Gosh. -,- I don't think we did VERY well. We were really....=.= Our oppposing team was really good. When they shot all the questions over, i think my jaws drop. But i think i managed to close them just in time before a fly went in. -,- ARGH!! When i finish my speech, i wrote loads of things on a piece of paper. And they were all repeated words

But i pretended to be writing some SERIOUS stuffs. LOL. -,- I'm really a good actor right? HAHA. LOL. -,-

So yeah, in the end, we won, and our opposing team has a good attitude, not like some teams who get so worked up . -,- I mean, i kept on getting ready to lose. Guess i really wasn't confident then. But anyway, after that, one of the members of our opposing team came to tell us that if we needed help on our next competition. You bet we do. She is the one that made us all panic. Gosh. -,- She was saying everything so fast that i can't really catch what she said. LOL. -,- But anyway, it was a good match, everyone wanted to see because of Ke Ten. She was the best ''debater'' in the whole competition. I totally agree. LOL.

And i gotta go now, mom really get's worked up when i don't do what she sayd immediately. BYee! ;D

Oh Crap.

2010-08-10T19:26:00.000-07:00

Oh Crap. I am really so dead. God, why did you do this? Okay, maybe You did this for a reason, and i don't know what. But God, if You know that a miracle is going to happen, God, let your will be done. I really, leave everything into Your hands. So dear God, You gotta help me. Kay?

And Mother Mary, please mom, please protect me. -,- I'm such a weakling so you gotta protect your daughter mom. -,- No parents can stand there watching their own child get hurt right? So mom, you really gotta help me.

And my guardian angel, i know you will be beside me, guiding me through everything. And if you think i'm gonna explode, you gotta help me calm down. If not, things will really turn out worse. -,- PLEASE? Friends dont leave friends to die. -,- LOL!

Dear GOd, i say this in your precious name, AMEN. -,-

How can this happen?

2010-08-04T05:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah, exactly, just turn the page joan, you'll get on again.

Why do i feel so down? Why should i even care? I mean, its over right? Gosh. Look at me, pathetic, i'm using my blog to listen to myself talk. I thought i'd let go, but it seems like, i haven't been able to put it down? But why was i so sure in the first place i'd let go? -,- even if i did, why is there such a stupid feeling on my chest? Gosh, i'm really gonna go insane. -,-

I suppose , this is what everyone would feel when they.. well, you know. But, i'm suppose to have let go. -,- Gosh. I don't know what should i do. I know, that i don't feel that way anymore, but... no matter how, there was a once. ARGH. i don't wanna care. I'm so tired. -,-

A post to my beloved Yinglee. ;D

2010-07-30T21:10:00.000-07:00

My dearest, Chong Ying Lee. (YYYY----EEE-----OOOOOO!! ) XD

So yea, y'll know that from the title , its a post for my yinglee, i meant to type this a long time ago, but, i didn't really know what to say. So i'll just say what's in my heart now.

It was fate that joined us together. I would never have known her , if i hadn't join the prefectorial board, and of course, our sisters, and maybe the fact that we were in the same class. Since i've join the prefectorial board, i'm not really comfortable with... everything. But, thanks to "her" ( and of course some of my other friends) , i finally adapted to this kind of life. LOL. This girl, there are really no words to describe except GENG. haha. She is the one and only Chong Ying Lee , the siao zha bo one. XD

How do i start? Her personalities? Gosh, she has quite an awesome personality. I like her straightforward, honesty, craziness and wildness. She doesn't care what people think of her. How i envy her of that , i wish i could think that way too. And, she's really brave too. To do absolutely stupid things. :P Sometimes, she makes me wanna kill her because of some stupid things, but deep down, i know that if i kill her, i may have to live in this quiet , stupid, ghost-town-class of mine alone. And i'll end up killing myself too. XD Another thing i envy about her is that, whatever she says makes absolute sense, damn, how i wish i could do that, everyone would listen to me then. *MUAHAHAHAHA! oh well, dream on Joan. * =.=

Yinglee is someone i admire a lot. Even though we've just met last year, and we're not even as close as i am to nicholas goh (which i really wasn't close at all) we're so close now as if we've known each other for our entire lives! She knows what i'm thinking before I even know what am i thinking. (SOMETIMES) but i don't know what she thinks at all , or what she likes too , yeah i know, i'm not such a good friend after all. XD . We've gone through loads of ups and downs together this year, she knows my darkest and deepest secrets, and i know hers too. Its like we've really known each other forever.

So i just wanna say, i love you Chong Ying Lee. You made up my days during that incident. You sacrificed for me to be happy (remember this? XD) , you changed my point of view towards people, and you changed my life just like how Sweelynn changed it for the better. I am glad that we've met yinglee, aren't you? I mean, the sampatt ways we are, i think we pretty much make a good team , don't you think so? Its like the next yingyang. XD So anyway, i gotta go now. Homework siren! *BI BO BI BO BI BO!!* XD Love you muchh. >

It'll be okayy.

2010-07-28T09:55:00.000-07:00

Hey people, its around 1 o'clock in the morning now, 12.56 a.m to be exact , so i'm not sure what should i say, good MORNING? haha. So anyway, i've decided to go counseling, do not worry my fellow friends, i am just fine, just that, i have a lot on my mind lately, and perhaps i have some unsolved problems that has been too long in me, and i finally am losing myself now. =.= Oh happy new year.

I don't know where should i start, start from the beginning you say? And where is the beginning?I realised, there are beginnings, and until you come to realise the present, only then you'll know, you've come a long way from home. And sometimes, you might feel , you wanna go back, but there is no turning back is there? There is only finding a solution, or you just keep going on and on and see where does it leads you. Maybe now is the time for us to just keep on making mistakes, just go with the flow, and see what isolated island we land on, perhaps go through what Robinson Crusoe has gone through (but i doubt that the survival percentage is high) -,-

What am i hoping now? I don't know. I don't wanna get my hopes high, why ? Perhaps the fear of getting hurt again, perhaps i have a phoebia towards this, or perhaps, i don't have the confidence to make him stay? Or maybe 3 of these with a couple more perhaps that i'm lazy to list out? I don't know, but what i know is, for now, i wanna remain like this, enjoy every moment , live life to the fullest , and love someone with all my heart , even though sometimes i feel so frustrated with him. I guess, that's what happens with your loved ones, you're frustrated with them, but you love them more than, perhaps, your own life? Maybe i do, but i just... don't wanna admit it. I love him, i know i do, maybe sometimes i just wanna get myself to believe that, all these while, i didn't really hold on because i love him, its just for the sake of holding on, but now, after thinking through everything, i finally realized, i made every right choice loving him, he is the one i want, perhaps i would want to spend my life with him. But, i'm thinking way too far already, the most important is the present right? Don't worry people, i'm happy with my life, i love the way i am now, and i will try to NOT regret any choices i've made, if not i'm gonna be whining all the day . Haha.

So, nothing really interesting happened in school nowadays, its like a ghost town here. We don't have those bright laughters, crappy people, shake-your-bootie people nowadays, goshhh. C'mon, liven up abit aye? We'll figure out some really cool games, or maybe, lame ones. Either way, let's look on the bright side that we've still got each other eh? ;D oops. Its 1.21 a.m. now, i really gotta go people, if not i'm gonna be the prettiest panda in the whole universe. XDD (;

Good night people! (; You guys rocks.

Wedding Dress

2010-07-19T20:23:00.000-07:00

Lately, i'm becoming addicted to the song "Wedding Dress" by Big Bang. I don't know why, i just went to sleep with my mp3 on and i was listening to it and i fell asleep. And the next morning, my head is filled with that song. =.= Gosh! haha. these 2 wedding dress are pretty right? I was searching the net and i saw this, perhaps for my future wedding dress i would choose this kind. HAHA. -,- LOL.

Anyway, its near schooling time. So i gotta go! (; Byee peeps.

Eclipse ♥ part 2

2010-07-18T09:06:00.001-07:00

Sweet couple. (; ♥

OMG. people. i am like suffocating now~ i just watched eclipse yesterday. And guess what? Its is so absofreakinglutely AWESOME. Words can't describe how i am feeling now. It is really, romantic , cool , and its action-packed this time. Not quite like new moon, which is conversational. Yea yea. I heard the feedbacks for new moon are ... well, not-so-good. But this one, omgg joan breathe breathe. Phew, i'm fine . haha. LOL

So anyway, yesterday i went to a church seminar from 9 in the morning till 5 in the evening, and yeapp, i went to mid valley straight away to join my sisters! (; so we started to shop for clothes.. FOR ME. -,- well, female ones. Which i am not really thrilled at that idea, but anyway, i can't do anything so stupid anymore, so what's the harm? XD after that, we went to secret recipe to eat, gosh, we were practically gobbling everything cuz we were kinda running out of time. Oops. :P in the end, thanks to our BELOVED melanie , *smiles weakly* -,- we missed the front part which pretty much bugged me the whole night. -,- but nevermind that, at least she came. LOL.

They cut this part. -,- LOL!

So we bought popcorns and went in. Sorry, all of us were tumbling in, because it was in the dark, and by golly! i had to keep my mouth occupied by eating the popcorns to prevent myself from shouting . -,- and when we finished the popcorn (which was at VAMPIRE speed) i had to stuff my knuckles into my mouth everytime i feel like i'm going to lose it. Well, you are right to pity the person sitting beside me, SIAO SUAN! haha. luckily i'm not watching with him, he might have the fright of his life. LOL! and me , mel , sweelynn , and siao suan were talking all the time about who is hot int he movie. HAHA!! okay okay, here comes the funny part guys, they have those make out scenes right? and yeah, i was like eating my popcorn and freezing halfway, and when they start to make out, they cut the part. =.= CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! THEY CUT THE PART!! GOSH!! and i was like, watching watching.... and *cut* and i was told siao suan , WTH!! deng! they cut it liao! -,- and she was laughing her head off. OH GOSH! haha.

After that, i was so hyped up that i kept on saying damn nice damn nice! OH gosh! and then later, we kinda played around in midvalley, like, we were going down the escalator and we went to a side first, so nicholas went down alone, then later he walked up again, and we went down. OMG! so funny larh! Later, skip skip skip.. hmm.. oh yeah, me and nicholas chased each other in the mall. How childish i know! Nicholas's idea. ;P nah, just kidding haha. So then we all went back home, nicholas and i were following siao suan's car so we laughed practically all the way home, but before that, we went somewhere to eat, i mean, siao suan's parents, nicholas ordered too since he hadn't had his dinner. LOL. I ordered a drink only. Thank you siao suan's parents for belanja-ing me! *90 degrees bow* hehe.

So that's all people! By the way, ECLIPSE IS FREAKING NICE. Please do not come up and tell me eclipse sucks or what.LOL -,- byee people!

Eclipse ♥

2010-07-15T18:52:00.000-07:00

Aww, ain't this sweet? (;

Hey peeps, if you were wondering if i had watched eclipse, nope i haven't, but i am going to tomorrow to watch with my besties. (; ahh.. i can't wait!! Itz juz tzoo exzaiding. Oh gosh, its so hard to speak in french accent. muahaha. Sigh people, its been quite an interesting week overall. I did some really unexpected things. Like.. oh well, you guys probably know. :D and these few days, i always went to sleep with a big smile on my face. ;) even though yesterday wasn't exactly one of the best days because it was parent's day and my mom was suppose to go and take my report card. But in the end, she didn't want to. She said she didn't want to go and be humiliated in front of people. GAhh. whatever. I am so freakin' tired and I do not want to give a damn bout it anymore because its killing me.

Anyway , i really would like to say again here, we're not that kind of relationship, plus studies come first. So..honestly guys, take a break , give US a break. We're just friends, walking together talking together, is that somethign so wrong and you guys have to go all, "WHOA, are you kidding me?" or " are you guys together?" or "hey, how long have you guys been together?" WHOA! Chill it people! you guys can't just simply assume something just because you saw something that might look like SOMETHING when its really not. =.= no, seriously guys, do not think anywhere further, but stop right at friends. Okay?? I knew you guys would listen to my explanation. Thank you thank you! ;P LOve youu people. haha. (;

Baby tell me what you waiting for. ;P

2010-07-13T17:08:00.000-07:00

Hey peeps, i'm blogging....in school. AHA! Cool eh? Hmm...let's see..actually nothing interesting happened these few days. I mean , seriously , I think the world's running outta laughter. Haha. Anyway, since i'm here , i might as well blog about what happened yesterday.

Okay, people... see, during civic, we were on this topic about "warisan tradisional" or something about that. Yeah.. last week, we did tikar mengkuang...which was a total disaster because out beloved Nicholas Goh forgotten to inform us to bring colour paper. And the teacher was so demanding and she just said , "I tak kisah, i nak kamu buat, i nak kamu pass up hari ini, i nak... i nak...i tak kisah...". DENG. =.= Me and Yinglee were like..gosh-what-is-your-problem look. -,- So anyway, guess what we used to do the ultimate stupid tikar mengkuang?? Okayy, yinglee had a few pieces of colour paper, few, as in, TWO.=.= haha. so yeah.. we divided the piece of paper, and guess what ? we ran outta colour paper, so we used?? The Scholastic book list. OWhh.. brilliant aren't we ? XD. And yeah... so this week, the teacher brought in congkak for us. Whee~ not that fun. I mean, i play it all day long at home when i was small and now i have to play it again? Oh puh-lease. SO anyway, i could see that yinglee was kinda excited about it. She was like, hey i wanna play i wanna play! haha. and okay, i was versus-ing Jovyn that time. and she started first so she got a long time going round and round... and we were exchanging sarcastic words all the time. Like, when i want her to stop, i would say, hey, your luck is back. And then she would be so mad.. and everyone was like saying she's gonna win... and i just said simply, i win all the time. i should let people have a chance.. and Jovyn was like... SHUT UP YOU BITCH. ahaha. Gosh.. and when we were gonna play finish , i just said jokingly , " hey , winner takes it all . The winner keeps the game. Woohoo! Go Jovyn. Compliments from joan. " ahaha. Gosh. it was quite an interesting period aye? Phew. My neck is sore now.. cuz i'm not suppose to go online and BLOG , but to cari maklumat. And what does it have to do with the neck you ask? Cuz the teacher is sitting behind me, so i have to keep on looking if she's looking at what i'm doing . Ouch. The pain the pain!!! -,- LOL.

Hmm.. last night? Nah.. nothing happened. Just that i promised him i would see him after his school time and before my school time. Whee. Pretty cool plan huh? hehe . Yeah, you can bet.. i went to sleep with big smile on my face. (; gosh. things start going right now. I guess i have to thank God for making all of these come true. Without God, i would be totally useless. Or maybe, without God, i wouldn't exist. Oh yeah, yinglee was suppose to go to petroscience today until the first four period. But because soon chern wasn't going, so yinglee didn't want to go. Quite absurb if you ask me, i mean like, its such a good opportunity to go learn and play at the same time.. ponteng ma. YOR. and i've already got my " ponteng schedule" all plan. and what is my schedule? Every bell ring, i will go and see him. LOL. see? isn't that a wonderful opportunity? GAHH. So anyway people, i gotta go. Because i think i'm gonna be killed if the teacher finds out. haha. Byee peeps!

I need you now. ♥

2010-07-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

I don't know what will happen if I trust you one more time. But I love you more than I did.

Hey peeps, kinda feeling a mixture of feelings now. Sad, angry, happy, perhaps even frustrated. Its all jumbled up and i'm feeling so tired of life. I mean, what's going on now. One part seems in place, him and me. ♥ But about my friendship , it doesn't seem to be getting better. I fight with my best friend all day long, and i'm tired and sick of it. I reckon its probably maybe I can't accept the stupid things that she's doing nowadays. Its just honestly, seriously, STUPID. If you ask me. Because you would not believe what she did if i told you. So i'm not gonna tell you. :X =.= It is absolutely the most absurd thing you will ever hear. =.=

Oh gosh. Everything seems to come so fast. I cannot believe that its been 3months since he told me that thing. And now, look. Its really unbelievable for me. I mean, i know for some people, you will say, he likes you,you like him. What's the problem ? Go for it guys! Okayy, lemme get this straight with you people, i mean, we're not that kind of relationship. Really. Just friends. Like more than best friends, sister brotherly love? Oh gosh . who am i trying to kid? =.= I can actually imagine you peoples' face, its like :" UH HUH. KEEP TALKING. BUT NO ONE IS GONNA BELIEVE YOU." =.= Sigh. I wish time could go back. I want to be in his arms again, i wanna know what's the feeling to fall in love again and again and again. Its just so electrifying everytime i see him. Its either my whole face goes red like its getting ready to explode, or i can feel the heat travelling through my body at the speed of light. =.=

To someone, I do love you, but I want you to know what you're getting yourself into. Because if i get hurt again, i don't think i'll survive it. I've ran out of tears. I can't do it anymore. And please, don't think too far. Think of the present. Thinking too far doesn't help the situation. All we have to do is just keep our minds close from anything-that-is-not-suitable-for-our-age, and do THOSE kind of things. Just.... stay by me. I want to remember your presence beside me, not to remember that you have once stood beside me. (; ILY OPO. do you know that? ;P perhaps you mean everything to me. Once more.

Weee~

2010-07-09T06:37:00.000-07:00

Okay okay , people. I'm back yeah. Gosh, its been really hectic these days. What with the chinese elocution , pandu stuffs , and some relationship problems to take care of. Sigh . Lately, i've been thinking a lot. Seriously, it seems like everything i do is a matter between life or death. And I am so damn FREAKING tired of this. And really, i've noticed that one of my best friend is making the biggest mistake of her life. Literally. Not just one . It seems as if she's lost her common sense, so she's doing stupid things all the time. If she weren't my best friend, i would have killed her. =.=

Its not that i'm jealous that you got into a relationship again. Really . I mean , i wouldn't want to go into a relationship. But , honestly , you really should think again. If that's what you really want , i won't say anything about it. But the problem is you don't even have any feelings for xxx! You know, it would make people think that you're just playing his feelings . Not that i think like that. Don't get the wrong idea , but i don't want you to repeat the mistake i made. I thought i love him too, but it wasn't like what i thought. Anyway, that has pass, and i ... I don't know what to say. Scissors boy has the same opinion as me. So... break a leg. =.=

I like the way you sound in the morning

we're on the phone without a warning

I realized your laugh is the best sound i have ever heard.

I like the way i can't keep my focus

I watch you talk but you didn't notice

I hear the words but all i can think is we should be together.

(;

I wanna fall in love with you again.

2010-07-07T06:26:00.000-07:00

I won't deny the fact that I cried. Because you really mean a lot to me, but no matter what , you've left a scar right in the middle of my heart . Sorry can't cure it , because , the damage is done .

What A Day.

2010-07-07T05:14:00.000-07:00

Geez guys. Something went very wrong today. I'm really pissed off at everything . To start , my shoes. The whole freaking day my shoes was wet , and i was like , trying to chill. But in the end, some idiots who actually "STIMULATED" my anger, got the best of me.

To her , so what? You're not trying to hide ? Find someone ? Please , why don't you just tell me that you're gonna talk to that person ? I don't care, and i'm sorry if I was pulling you away , cuz.. well , cuz i thought maybe you would want to avoid some stuffs. Well , i guess i don't know you so well like i thought . You might as well spill it all out and get it over, done with. Because, hey.. Its not like i'll die. I could have saved myself from all the trouble from racking my brain to think of the best way or solution. But if you don't want , that's totally fine with me, i'm totally absolutely fine with it. You can go and be with him for all I care. You know? Pfft. But instead what did you do? You ran over , and i was shouting to you like someone who lost her mind to come back. You know , you could at least tell me so I won't make a fool out of myself. Like i said, its your life. You can honestly do whatever you want , and i won't stop you. Cuz you know what? Now i know that perhaps i wasn't always first . Which proved it today. During this incident. DO you know, how much pain it was? Did you know, i had to keep my jaws together to prevent myself from crying? DID you know , that i had to bear that unworthy person's glare? If i did not bear it, i would have dug out his eyes. DID YOU EVEN KNOW THIS? you don't , do you? Does the word sister even mean anything to you? No, scratch that, I should say, FRIEND. Does it? I can just say , i'm totally disappointed in your behaviour today. You still ask me to not get so worked up? Try having this, and let's see who's patience is better.

To another one, i don't have the right to say anything, i know. I totally get it, and i won't say anything sensitive. But i'll just say this, if you think that the other group is better, go on. I don't mind. I don't want you to think us as your burden. I didn't even know you had a blog, you never even told me. And you thank some people whom you barely know, whereas you've know us for at least 1 year, and you didn't even mention us. Fine , i admit, we're not as cool as them, we're those goody goody who only study and talk about books, yeah, at least its better than wasting time on things that can't help you at all. You know what? I really hope that you could at least tell me or us, about whatever you haven't told us. Or you can choose to keep a secret forever, but nothing on earth stays a secret forever.

When I needed you most when I needed a friend, you let me down now

Friendship is delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed but there will always be cracks

Sunday School

2010-07-04T01:49:00.000-07:00

Okay okay, perhaps there will be something interesting for this post. Cuz i just came back from church , and during sunday school , a couple of hilarious incidents happened. Okay , today's topic was about DREAMS AND DECISIONS and HAPPINESS.

Life can be exciting. Sometimes it seems as if we are changing and growing not only from day to day but also from seconds to seconds. Our dreams for the future may change just as fast. Whether we realize it or not , we are making many decisions about our lives each day, These choices can spell the difference between success and failure in life, right? I , for one , when i was a little girl , i used to dream that i could be one of the princess in those fairy tales , i bet all girls have thought about being princess right? And your prince charming would come and take you by the hand and lead you dancing in the woods. *gazes off dreamily... and snaps back to life.* Okay! FOCUS. erm.. where were we? Oh right, princesses. Well , here 's the real world isn't it? There aren't anything like these , the categories should give us the idea right? FAIRY TALES, and fairy tales DO NOT exist. Teacher Anne told us she used to wish she could own a chocolate factory when she was a little girl too. Yeah , i did have that dream too , that is , after watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. haha. (;

Okay , moving on to the topic of HAPPINESS , the teacher assigned us to write out 3 things that make us happy , wanna know mine? Travelling , reading and spending time with my love ones . One of the boys in my class said , he wished he could have an interview with the Holland striker (he mentioned the name , but i didn't catch what he said ). Another guy who was kind plump said , eating makes him happy. haha , he lives to eat . That's really one of the best. haha. Now , explain your understanding of happiness. Are you thinking?? It really is hard isn't it? So when teacher asked me , i just shrugged. Because i 'm not sure what would be the best answer. The teacher moved on and asked everyone what is their understanding of happiness , one answered be happy with your life and just live life to the fullest . Now , teacher told us her definition of happiness . Its being in the right relationship with Jesus and doing what God wants us to do. Perhaps i'm not mature enough , but i don't understand this statement. Oh well , i suppose i'll understand it sooner or later.

Anyway , the whole afternoon i was having guitar class , and whoaa. the tips of my finger is numb now. Honestly, i do envy those people who could play the guitar and they're totally indulged in the music , so.. in order to reach my goal , i have to keep holding on. *play avril lavigne's KEEP HOLDING ON * LOL. haha. anyway, that's all folks. (; love youu people. CHEERS! ♥

Speechless over the edge and just Breathless

2010-07-03T07:22:00.000-07:00

hey people, I know i know. Please forgive me if my posts have been absolutely bored and you haven't even got to the second line you're yawning your head off . Well , i sincerely hope that your head hasn't dropped if not that would be like... whoaa. *rolls eyes.* Swtz. Okay okay. Um... so what would you guys like me to talk about? What a stupid question huh?? Well, i'm just gonna... tell you about what happened lately.

Friday

I went to attend the debate competition. Do not get the wrong idea, i'm not competing, i'm just one of the audience. And yeah, although there are quite a few weird parts in the debate, overall.. its actually quite good. They've got the points, and stuffs. But i'm not sure that they have the confidence to present it. Anyway, congrats to the winning group. And i wasn't feeling exactly awesome that day , and one of the pelajar got on my nerves. Geez , i didn't want to be so harsh, but trust me, you got yourself into deep shit. Anyway, who cares about that pelajar. Moving on , when i went to practice my elocution , saw him, and i slipped and bit my own tongue. Gosh. Went to see him during recess. That's about it.

Just went to view sweelynn's blog. Seems like she'd let go too. Yinglee and she had let go. I'm the only one left, i thought very long about it , its not a matter about whether i WANT or not , its a matter about me clinging on to the past , i may be stubborn at times like i said , and sometimes i feel like , i can't let go . But sometimes, i feel like, the time has come, it is indeed time to put him down and move on. But i can't, i honestly can't. If i can't see him one day in school , i don't feel ...right. Waiting for his msgs until my heart aches so much makes me insane. I hope you know what you want , because things are getting out of hand. I'm falling for you all over again. ;(((

Baby tell me you love me. ♥

0701 -Today.

2010-07-01T07:27:00.000-07:00

Okay, today nothing interesting happened. Except when i went to school to do the Star Magazine this morning , I think Yinglee either got up on the wrong side of the bed , or she just went mad. haha. You know what guys? OUr magazine wasn't exactly a magazine, it was more like a folio-type magazine. And we were like, "wey , very k yeng lor".... and then, all of us will think, "nevermind, as long as we submit it in, we get pizza voucher. " so all of us were like PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA. LOL.

And then, the prefects had to take our lembaga picture, so we queue up according to our heights and got ready. And seriously, i don't know why the hell they need so long to take larh, i'm becoming burnt larh . LOL. SO me and nicol lor were like, hey guys! why are we waiting? Yo, man. I don't fancy the thought of dying so fast larh. So after taking finish.... pretty much nothing happened.

Oh yea, when we went back class and we had KH with 2a12, so i sat with phuiyeng, yinglee sat with soon chern in front.OMG. Something damn funny happened. I don't know how to put it. If you wanna know, ask me directly. I'll tell you.

Yeah, honestly nothing funny happened except that we told each other horror stories which freaked yinglee out so much that she had to shout everytime. =.= Gosh. I nearly burst out laughing la. I'm not trying to be 幸灾乐祸，but seriously, now i know her weakness. Muahaha! LOL.

Okay , erm.. i think that's all. Its just a lame post, cuz i'm feeling bored now. LOL .

Oh darling i wish you were here. ♥

0625 ♥

2010-06-30T05:37:00.000-07:00

sweelynn, i love you . Best friends for life. I promise you this. (; ♥

Although its not exactly sweelynn's birthday, but we had a pre-celebration for her at pizza hut. ♥ muaks i love you sweelynn. You know you're very important in my heart.

Okay, so after school, we walked to pizza hut. On the way, we were practically laughing our heads off about things. And then, we ordered and did some things like camwhore and stuffs. Haha. This is the first time i really laughed so much and took so much pics. Thanks to sweelynn.

Sweelynn, there are some things that i would like to tell you. I mean, i don't know how awkward it will be, but i still wanna say. You know, you really are my best friend. You know me like your own hand. You know what i think and you always say it out. Which pisses me off. Sometimes. haha. (; but i honestly love you. Muaks. ♥

You know, i really think that you are someone sent down from God. Or perhaps you are suppose to be my sister that God forgot to give me. Ahh, my long lost sister. (; ILY.

2010-06-13T08:10:00.000-07:00

Hey guys , so sorry that i haven't been able to update my baby blog. Why? Because i've been occupied these few days. By?? moi teevee and moi comp, and i've been busy swimming too. doing some work out. Cool eh? LOL. and, i've also spent my few nights sleeping at 2 o'clock in the morning. hehe, as for the reason, you don't need to know. (; ♥

Lately, i feel so alive again, do you know what am i talking about? If you don't , nevermind . I'll tell u the feeling. Um.. have you ever felt like, well, something really bad happened, and then, because of something that happened which is totally awesome, you feel that happy flying feeling? I'm really feeling that now, i've got my pals, i've got him (as a really good friend), and everything seems to be going perfectly, like everything you ever wanted. Felt it before? Yea? Feels good right? No? Oh too bad, but not to worry, you'll be able to have a taste of it sooner or later. (;

Oh gosh, things are really getting out of hand now. 爱情不能用谎话来解决.i learnt this lately. but i'll try to make things better. anyway, gotta go now. Goodbye! (; ♥

8th of June - a memorable day (PERHAPS?)

2010-06-08T20:19:00.000-07:00

Okay, i was out all day. I mean, i went out in the morning at 10 something by sweelynn's car, and came back around 5 something. Well, i went to celebrate my senior's birthday at times square with sweelynn, keeseong ,desmond junweng and a guy named kok poh( i think? and i didn't tlak to him for the whole day). Yeah, well. Um.. so then when me and sweelynn reached, we sorta went every floor to find McDonalds cuz they said they would meet us there, well, i'm a ''road nerd'', so i wouldn't know where it is, nor how to read the map. But, luckily i had sweelynn, if not i am so dead. =.= Okay, so when we wanted to reach there, i suddenly asked sweelynn, "Eh, i....look okay right?" okay, yeah i admit i am kinda nervous (so what?-,-)cuz this is the first time going out with... well, guys. LOL. Okay so cut the crap, we went to buy tickets first (sweelynn and i didn't know what movie we were watching and we didn't even ask cuz we were scared they would ask us to choose) LOL. and yeah, so we bought the tickets and went to the karaoke place. LOL. at first i was like, hesitating and asking myself, do i really wanna go in and sing? and then, because of something, i was like, nah.. i don't think so. and then they were like, what? we bought the tickets so.. okay fine just go in larh. And its like we're walking in the maze, omg.. its really a wonder i didn't get lost. LOL. then , we went into a room, and then um.. sing la. I didn't really sing a lot, (cuz my singing is bad) LOL. and so... we did everything , sing talk laugh whatever.

Next , we went to those .. dunno how to say those places, LOL. Its like those games place la, i've always wanted to go in since i was small but my mom and dad were always lying to me saying there are bad people inside, which made me terrified. LOL but not now la. So i went in and played the shooting baskets game, damn fun man. But there is something damn funny, the first ball i shoot, its bounced out of it and flew out, and junweng was standing behind me gawking. LOL omg..i nearly snorted. LOL. but, well, my attire did not suite well with snorting, so yeah. =.= what am i wearing? U get the picture. GAHH. =.= And then, sweelynn wanted to play the sweet thingy, i didn't want to. So i THINK keeseong gave her some tokens and she grabbed the sweets. O.o * are you thinking what i'm thinking? yeah! high 5. shh~* LOL =.= then we went out and i bought cotton candy, (i know! my dream came true!! i mean, i've been wanting to eat it for such a long time) LOL. and then,bought it, i had trouble opening it, in the end, we had to ask the guys help, so embarassing la. =.= and then we went to watch SHREK FOREVER AFTER. Comments? Not a bad movie, great graphic design and all those larh. And yeah, when we came out, we saw meishan , siew mun, and karmen, and we were like, HEY YOU WATCHED THAT TOO? bla bla bla... and i think they saw who's behind us and they just.... sorta took off and ran. LOL. =.= and then, we went to the toilets(sweelynn)=.= and then when we came out, i realized we were short of someone, YAP JUNWENG. why arh? he always run off dunno where. =.= GAHH. and then we were all like, hey where is he where is he? Call lorh. Then we went into BORDERS (yesh! paradise! -,-) . I looked up some books there, and the guys were like, looking back, "??? where are they?? YOR." and then came back for us. LOL. -,- sorry la, the books goda me. =.=

So anyway, after movie we went..... oh yeah, actually we wanted to go bowling and stuffs, then sweelynn's mother came, so went home, when we were walking down, the boys were behind us too, and me and sweelynn were like, err... why arh? but we didn't care la. And then, we got lost, so in the end we asked the boys, and i think they wanted to go the same way as us, so...yeah. we all went together, and then bye bye. LOL chat through sms with someone for a while.. umm.. yeah, That's about it. so... really, i had an awesome time, i mean like, this time all us shy marh, haven't warm up, and when we were about to warm up, its time to go. SO yeah, if there is a next time all of us know how to do already. LOL .

um.. lastly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY karseng.
the most original wish?

HAIRPEE BURBDAY. (;

LOL

I'm so sick of love songs.

2010-06-05T00:47:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, its the first day of the hols. Let's partayy! LOL. Nah i'm just kidding. But, hey actually we can, its just that we need the people and the crowds. That's when the party is starting to heat up. YEAH! Okay, please ignore my hyperness or high-ness. You can't really help feeling excited when the holidays have come, right? Well, i'm not really excited. I seriously do not know what i'm saying now. GOSH. I've lost MOI mind. *faints.

I mean, can you imagine two whole weeks not seeing...?? I can't. The thirst for him is just so... Sigh. I don't know what word is best used to describe my feeling. So anyway, i'm gonna brief you guys about what happened on friday.

Friday....
Prefects had a V.I.M( very important meeting la!)=.= All of us, seem to know that the atmosphere was suppose to be very serious so our expressions were all very serious too. (*snort. YEAH RIGHT)And as we took our seats gracefully, (actually, we were sitting on the floor, and not-so-gracefully) all of us could hear how fast the pulse is running in each others veins(actually, we can't hear at all, we were busy chit-chatting about who's gonna get pecat,LOL) . And then, our head prefect gave a wonderful speech that touched all our hearts(more like scolding that BROKE our hearts, LOL!! JUst kidding)and he said, he was very proud of us, of what we did, we did our jobs wonderfully( technically, he said, he was VERY DISAPPOINTED at what we did, we did not carry out our duties at all). Next, he wanted to check all our stuff in our pockets, and when he saw what we had in our pockets, he was shocked to see that all of us brought everything. (no, actually he was kinda surprised that all of us DID NOT bring the things we were required to bring). And then he said, all of us may go back to our seats, ( NO. He did not say this, he said, who didn't bring anything, dendaan fizikal) and all of us went down and sat down gracefully again( actually, we had to do 20 times up and downs because we did not carry out our duties, 10 times for not bringing any stuff, i did 30 times. so you can guess i did not bring 3 things, BUMMER!and we sure as hell did not sit down gracefully, cuz when we finished, all of us were moaning=.=)and then the other AJKs gave their speech(aka SCOLDING or WARNING). And we gave them a round of applause(no, some of them were giving them the silent treatment, not me, i'm a guide, we do this all the time, easy peasy.LOL)And that was the end. I turned my head and saw the morning session prefects were getting ready to board the bus(technially, i was straining my neck to see if i could get a glimpse of him) and then i saw him( NO I DID NOT-,-) and later, i took a stroll with ah bock, admiring the beautiful scene of our beloved school( more like rushing though everybody and not even taking a glance at our surroundings) i don't know why they are running( SURE AS HELL I DO) and then i saw him. (yeah, it was kinda dramatic scene cuz ah bock was singing [more like screaming=.=and i was staring up at him too. GAHH]) and then we walked off( yeah we did , i don't think i can bear to see him going off)

So that's all. BYee (;

If you're sorry, leave me alone.

2010-06-03T18:22:00.000-07:00

Gosh its been really hectic these few days. I never got the time to slow down, sit down and take deep breaths. Its always rushing here and there like we're making preparations for world end (LOL, TOUCHWOOD! * runs off and touch a wood *) LOL. These few days i'm really starting to feel semangat a bit larh. Don't ask me why, cuz i ain't gonna tell you why. Cuz i sendiri pun tak tahu. :X

Okay, tell you guys something tres funny. Yesterday my sis was packing her luggage as she is going to a prefect kursus today. So when we were eating dinner, my sis got a phone call, it was from her friend (i don't wanna mention name, LOL) and then i heard her ask my sis, what kind of bag is my sis bringing. so my sis say, she's bringingthose like hand carry de la. Then suddenly my sis laugh, then i look up, and heard my sis say, err..you mean your luggage 50 cm long or bla bla bla something like that la, then my mom put down her chopsticks and ask me,"tomorrow they are going by airplane arh? why need to measure ? " Then i laugh and nearly spit out my soup. LMAO. Then i told my mom, " the last time i checked, they are going by bus." then we continue eating. OMG.so damn freaking funny that time. LOL.

Um, i'll just brief you guys on what i ddi yesterday. Well, i came home from school, bathe, ate, watch tv, and just keep on sms-ing with... LOL. =.= Yeap. VERY. LOL . i didn't study at all. So i didn't study yesterday, i gotta study now. BYEE. =)

I wish that life is like drawing, when you go wrong, you can just rub it off.

2010-05-31T19:07:00.000-07:00

Have you guys ever felt tired of life? Lately, i'm beginning to get tired of it. I wish that life was like when everything goes wrong you can just delete it. I can't really be happy of everything. I'm trying to change. Change myself for the better. But, its not possible right? Yeah...i know nothing is impossible but i really am so tired.

He is my first concern. I do not want anyone to start asking him any stupid questions about anything stupid. Just leave him alone, let it go guys. Its really isn't any your business, so just mind your own business, there's no way the truth will come out.

I think i've decided to live on life without him. I must try, without trying, i'll never know whether i can live on. But i know, choosing any road, it must start with this. Letting go of him. As usual, he's got a headstart before me again. I can't say that if he is happy, i'll be REALLY happy.I'll just be happy for him. But, whether i'll live down the regrets i don't know. I guess it all depends on me now right? He's moved on, i gotta move on too. I know, but why whenever i want to move on, something will come and stop me from moving on.

I shouldn't be focusing on these i know, studies comes first. I know, i know. I just, feel so bad inside whenever i see those couples. I try to smile like i don't give a damn of what's happening. But in the end, i'm just killing myself. Seeing him makes it so hard to breathe, thinking of him makes it so hard to focus.

Sometimes i think to myself, is it because i still believe i love him, and that's why i'm not letting go. Or is it because i really can't let him go? Which ever way, its killin' me. Everyday i see him, i try picturing some other girl beside him, but the thought of it makes me nauseus. It makes me feel so..... so.... jealous? I can't believe i'm finally feeling jealous. HAh, i'm honestly going mad.

Now playing Wedding Dress by Big Bang.

Goodbye EL 900

2010-05-31T18:13:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, sorry i did not blog for such a long time. Pretty busy these days. And you know, my electone is gonna be trade in for a new one today. I need to let out my feelings so i decided to blog. Luckily when she's gonna be given out that i'm in school, then i wouldn't need to cry. But oh boy, sure as hell i'll miss her. She'd accompanied me through 2 heartbreaks before. Gosh, can you believe that i'm crying for something that is a non-living thing? I can't believe it too.

I only wish, whoever it was sold to, will treat it nicely. Treat her well, she's been a very good, no, scratch that, an AWESOME electone, the BEST ''non-living friend'' ever. YOu may ask, why don't i keep both of them, new and old, well, because its traded in. If i don't trade in, the price is about RM 47,500.(if i'm not mistaken)so when i trade in, its for like,around a few thousands, and then price is around 30,000 i think. Yeah...How many songs have i played on her before.. when i was feeling angry or emo or sad, she would ''listen''. Gosh, I'll really really really miss her like hell. Anyway, i gotta go now. Exam time. Byee. =(

Life after you

2010-05-22T04:37:00.001-07:00

Ignore the title , i just heard this song on the radio and as i listened to the lyrics, i wonder if its similar as my situation. Hmm, perhaps a little. Another day has gone, i wonder if i ever crossed his mind. But then, it's not happening. Though my heart hurts whenever i thought of him, but apparently, this is the fact. This is reality, no matter how much i want my story to be a fairytale which are happy-ever-after-endings, this is the FACT. Perhaps it may be hard to get it into my mind, i'm still trying. I haven't succeeded, but maybe one day i will.

Sigh. I don't wanna be a heartbreaker, and i don't wanna hurt innocent guys. But i have to tell ''you'', because someone took my heart and won't give it back. Literally. So i can't really take your heart. I'm sorry. Sorry X1000000000 . I know maybe sorry is not enough for you. But i wouldn't say sorry if i didn't mean it. I honestly wanna focus on my studies. Yes, its true. Its not because of someone. It really is because of my studies. I don't wanna disappoint my parents anymore.

Okay, i'm sorry that nowadays my posts are weird and stuff. Sorry, its just that, nowadays i don't know why, getting nightmares are a must when i sleep. I always wake up in the middle of the night, sweating. Or i would wake up, crying in my sleep. OR, i would cry myself to sleep. Please do not ask me what's happening to myself. I don't know too, i don't want it to happen. Perhaps, i watch some disturbing movies that's all. Byee! =P

Crap post.

2010-05-20T17:39:00.000-07:00

Hey peeps. Before you kill me for not updating my blog, lemme explain. Erh herm. Okay, ue to the fact that we're GONNA have exam, i'm studying hard cuz i DO NOT want to disappoint my parents anymore. So i've decided to turn over a new leaf. *nods head. Pretty good explanation huh? So now you're asking, why am i on the comp? Well, i got tired and wanted to have a GOOD rest. Makes sense? Yeah, it does huh?

So, i'm fine and well, don't ask anymore. Even though i'm not fine now, i WILL be. I'm just typing this short post, because, i don't have anything to say. so, byee~ =)

Photos. ♥

2010-05-17T18:03:00.000-07:00

I'll let the pics do the talking. I'm honestly a lazy pig nowadays.

What am i writing?? blekk~

HAha~

=P hehe.

LOL! Don't understand?? Haha. Thought so.

This one, please i did not say nor do anything about it. After our prefects meeting, i saw this and took a pic of it. =.=

See?? A few of us were sitting on the floor not listening to ''someone''. LOL.

HAHA!! XD

Yinglee and me. I look weird. LOL.

AHHA!! My pandu juniors didenda. Muahaha!

Ji Qing and me.

3 weeks.

2010-05-07T20:53:00.000-07:00

I've survived for 3 weeks. C'mon guys, how about a round of applause, standing ovation?? At least i'll feel the glory. Haha. Nahh, i'm just kidding. I just thought of some thing, i would like to write about myself in this post, well, i'm not saying that i like being in the spotlight, its just that, i don't know. Maybe i'm using my blog to hear myself think.

Okay, if i would i want to write an About Me, i would start off with, hmm...perhaps hyper would make a good headstart. I can't exactly sit still, nor can i stand still, and i must jump wherever i go. Yeah, go on, i AM a kid. So what? Maybe i need more time than others to mature... Or maybe i just don't wanna grow up. Next, i am, perhaps the worst crybaby ever in the world. Once i start, its kinda hard to stop me. But my friends are the most patient, caring, and loving pals in the universe, who would stand by me and make sure i'm alright, no, not alright, i'm GREAT, only they'll take a step back. Jealous that i have friends like these? Well, being me has its advantages.

Now, carry on... I'm incredibly stubborn. I have to learn things the hard way only i can get that what-so-ever thing into my hard head. And that often drove mom and dad off the railway. Oops . :X Moving on, I can't let others have the last say, i love arguing for the sake of arguing, that's why mom says, if i don't just argue for the sake of arguing, i might be the best lawyer ever. Which i never dreamed of becoming, because, geez, i don't know. I love eating chocolates and oreos, dipped with peanut butter. Ever tried that? Right, before we move on, i'll just add something in, i'm weird. VERY WEIRD. But my friends accept me for who i am. =) okay, continue, where did i stop? Oreos dipped with peanut butter right? Awesome. Yeah, i'm weird. But whatever. And i love ice-creams, jelly beans, and all kinds of stuff that kids like. Like i said, i probably haven't matured yet. Haha.

I fell in love with a guy, named OPO. List out the things i love about him? The way he plays with his hair, how he's obsessed with his hair. And his love for saying ''LOL''. I could never forget the first time he was ever ''tiga-lapan''. All i could ever remember was, him, standing there, quiet, cool and stuff. He loves football too. Which pretty much took away breaths of girls who saw him. Well, i met him before i saw him play football. So that doesn't count. HAHA. List out his weakness?? Um... * gone for 20 minutes. Sat in front of this comp for 10 minutes. Looking at all his messages for 30 minutes * and i still can't figure out any. oh God Bless Me. Gahh.

I honestly kept every message of his. I don't know why i still can't put him down. Everytime i text him, I'll text halfway, and then, stop in the middle, and end up tossing my phone to one side, putting my head in my hands and cry. Its like an everyday rountine. It hurts me to have to hear his name with another girl, but what can i do? I promised i would forget EVERYTHING if he was happy. And he is, i have to keep my promise. I fake a smile, so i wouldn't have to explain what i'm feeling on the inside, which is terribly hard to explain, even if i could explain it, no one would understand it. Everytime i see him, i feel my face going red, spreading like a disease through my whole body, and i would start to feel :'' WOw, its a hot day huh?? " even after it just rained a hurricane. And people would give me the : " Wow, are you sick?" look. Geez. I tremble like when the predator is getting ready to eat the prey, and i'm the prey. He's the predator. A very charming predator. Which i probably would surrender without a struggle. Gosh.

So, i'll just brief you guys on what i'm gonna do today. Um, at maybe 3 something, i'm gonna go for music class, and then, i'm gonna have to go to my cousin bro's death anniversary. =.=

I know its gonna be hard, but i'll manage through.

I can't put down the past,

everything we do seems to need time,

everything we do seems to pull us apart,

as if trying to test our faith.

I won't leave you to pick up the pieces,

but somehow,

someone has to pick up the leftovers,

in a relationship, there can be only two person,

when its not you,

its definitely me.

And do you know,

everything you do tears me apart,

but the one that breaks most is my heart,

you promised that you'll take care of it,

no matter what,

till world's end,

so i left you this part.

But in the end,

even fairytales has to come

to an end now,

I tried to find the remedy of turning back time,

but time,

just kept going on,

as if it doesn't give a damn of what i'm trying to do,

And inevitably,

it will be over,

nothing'll be the same,

i'll try to recover but not fully,

because i'm so lost without you.

pls leave comments on the song. thanks! =)

Happy Birthday Melanie!

2010-05-05T17:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, to start this awesome day, let's say something first,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELANIE!

Sorry for the late post, i know i said that i would post it in the morning but, then i thought about the surprise we were about to give you. And i thought, you would understand. Hehe. so, okay, skip every part until recess. I ate so fast like there was no tomorrow. And then, i ran up to block E like i'm acting one part of 2012. LOL. And then, i came up, all of them grinned at me..haha. Its showtime babeh. X)

So as usual, melanie came out first, waiting for the others to come out. And then we purposely as cheeching to come out later.. and melanie was like, why is she so slow~~~!! And then, later... i ask sweelynn come out last, and we all gave it to her together. She was like, for me?!! for me?!! Then me and siao suan say: NO, for US. =.= Haha, then she opened the present we gave her and guess what? Its a photo frame. With, photos of us! I hope she liked it. Haha. We planned so long, and everyday i had to text siao suan and both of us keep discussing what to do. Hahahaha~

Actually we planned on giving her after school, LUCKILY WE DIDN'T HOR?!! XDDD whyy?? sendiri tahu sudah boleh.. X) So anyway, I know its a really short post Mel, but, i dunno what to write already. T.T .. wish that all your dreams come true! =) and you'll be happy everyday! Friends forever! =P

2010-04-28T19:12:00.000-07:00

Oh well, i just viewed everything about him.
And start crying again.
Gawd, this sure is killing me.
I'm not allowed to view things about him.
but, i just can't stop myself viewing it.
I really liked him.
I didn't want anything from him.
I know if i think anymore i'm gonna go mad sooner or later.

I love you,

I always did.

I'm disappointed in you.

2010-04-28T17:33:00.000-07:00

this is gonna be my new organ. I can't wait for it.. but, i'll miss my old organ a lot too. T.T

I went to school early today, and ...wow. I just reached school and i met him. Not quite what i expected. =.= but anyway, went to the office to find a teacher then later walk out again. LOL. The morning session was gonna have their recess. LOL. Perfect timing. haha. So anyway, walked into BP, and nicol ask me wanna go jalan jalan i said, yeah sure. So we went, she bought cincau and two stuff still unknown to science. *eww. haha! NO, i'm just fooling around. So i had to wait for her but in the mean time, found PN toh and asked her about some things. teehee. =D i didn't really care if i'm gonna see him, because i know he's gonna think of every single way to hide from me. I'm not woried about that.

Later, had to make another turning because of ''someone''. LOL. hAiz. make my life miserable. LOL. Nearly bumped into him. Hated that moment. I had to pull away first. Anyway, something that i can be proud of, I didn't cry at all. =) see?? i'm strong aren't i? Told ya,but you didn't believe me. X) Rm5 from those who didn't think i could survive~~~~ haha! Later, went to find chaw hui and carolyn, they made me go ask the camera or rechargeable battery or something something...they said she'll know. -.- so whatever, went to look for her, just went outside pandu room, xuezheng just called out to me, nearly shouted HA MI DAI SI back to him, but stopped myself in time. T.T yeah, you're right. HE was there. In the end, nodded to him and remembered that i owed him cuz he lent me his seni folio. So when he walked past i said, about your folio, i gotta borrow a bit longer. Forgotten what he said, because i wasn't paying attention. Or maybe he didn't reply... but, HE never turned back. That left his back. I tried to bang my head at the wall to get the fact INTO my head that things'll never be the same. But why? Why must i be so stubborn? I don't know too. I nearly went mad. I think he grew taller anyway. =P . LOL.

The moon is so full tonight. I keep wondering if he would think of me. But I guess not. I'll tell you the story later. But first, let me tell you about my night. When i got home from school, mom told me to hurry up and bathe because we're going to see the new electone stagea showroom. Well, because, i'm planning to get a new one. Well, it is time to upgrade my organ, i do love my current one. But, well..mom says if we get the stagea later, when we trade, its gonna be very hard.. because the longer its used, the less worth it'll be. The original price of the stagea is 47,5000 i think. Or is it 37,5000?? I dunno, cuz we got both dealers and we're trying to get the best price. So in the end, my music teacher's side got the best price..so we bought from that side. And after we trade in my current electone(EL-900), i think its gonna be...i dunno. LOL. Cuz i'm not pretty sure about the price too. Phew..but this is new stagea sure is gonna do a lot of things for me, and now we're clearing the backroom so we can fit the stagea in there. GEE...it is hard. Clearing the storeroom was never easy. -.-

And after we've signed all those stuff, we went back home. MOM and dad dropped me and my sis off and go pak to. T.T haha! zadao! Nah, i'm just kidding, they went to the supermarket to buy things...dunno what. =.= so i on the computer because there was homework to do, and of course when you on the comp, its kinda hard to resist online-ing..=.= as soon as i onlined, there was this sign that said, i appear offline, do i wanna appear online,i pressed enter!! OMGG..LOL. actually i wanted to change back to appear offline, but something stopped me. i hesitated before saying hi, little did i know...he was....occupied. I let him have the last word. Twice. I can't believe i'm that speechless when i'm facing him. GAHH! and his last word was ''fine''. I'm tired of lying ''i'm fine i'm fine''. ''No, i'm not gonna cry over that jerk.'' cuz in the end, i'll just end up having to hold my tears and going back home to cry. and mom's gonna ask why which will be hard for me to answer. I'm afraid i just won't be the same JOAN i was anymore. Its hard to be cheerful when i don't have the mood. Which i seldom have these days.

If you ever read this, please remember that i really am not trying to make you guilty. because you've done your part. I should be doing my part too. I won't force you..because i know what you want. We have different goals in life, and for our goals we are running apart from each other, and ... yeah. i guess it'll never work out for you. But i just wanna know, isn't there any chance to be together anymore? I know i'm holding on to the past, but.................i don't wanna live with regrets too. T.T

School day: Monday

2010-04-26T17:41:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid of walking alone. I want you by my side.

Another week has gone pass. The feelings haven't subside. I wonder how long will it take me to FULLY recover. I eat normally now. (i'm eating and typing at the moment, normal?==") and i do sleep now. Honestly, but i always wake up at 5 o'clock. Why? I have absolutely no idea. Gosh, its killing me to see myself nowadays. I look terrible. My eye bags are getting worse, i'm having black eyes too. Like a panda girl. Geez, no wonder i hate looking into mirrors nowadays. Well, i was never a big fan of mirrors. So yeah. You get the picture. =.=

Anyway, just brief you guys about my week last week, and probably yesterday. Okay, this was...i think last last last week stuffs. We (min yu, yinglee, yonghan and me) were playing Truth or Truth because well, the teacher was a crazy "OWL" who says I all the time. Know who? Yes? Good. Haha. So while we were playing, the tension was quite thick. Haha. Not exactly, just that, we were very serious. Even Min yu is serious. Wow. I never thought i'd live to see the day he was serious. XD oops. And so, skip skip skip, they asked me who i liked and i told them. LOL. i'm clever enough. So, those who know i'm clever will know what i said. LOL !! And later, Our BELOVED DANIEL LING came back!!! AHHH!!! LOL. And then yonghan told him what questions we asked. And all of us promised that what is said cannot be repeated to other people. so blah blah blah. Daniel keep asking me who i like, and i didn't want to tell him, cuz its gonna be the hottest gossip of the universe (i think). LOL! nah, just kidding. So i kept giving him clues and later he ask is it this block..then i hesitated and said, yes. Then it was like he wanted to ask more, but i said, HEY, THAT'S A HUGE CLUE. and then Woo CHun Hong said,

"wAhh, huge clue weihs, huge clue, wah 英文哩。。wah..ehh, 什么是huge clue?"( he asked the person beside him.)

OMGGG!!! ROFLMAO!! hahahaha. and then another thing, ying lee and i were talking about ''somebody'' who betrayed her friend, (LOL)! and then i told ying lee something that she reacted quite...well. You know what, so she said, (PN LAU WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF US)

"yerh! 酱坏的她！如果是我，我早就一巴盖下去了！！"

and then the teacher stared at us. I snorted and began to laugh. Ying lee looked horrified and said, ''sorry teacher sorry teacher...." omggg!!!! it was so damn funny!! but the teacher didn't say anything..she just raised an eyebrow and walked away. Ohmyholygosh..haha!! It happened on a thursday i remember. Haha.

Nothing really happened yesterday. All i can remember is the time when he looked at me. I keep replaying the scene when our eyes met. I tried to focus on the things teacher was saying, alas, i lost myself again. Gahh. It just hurts me to know that he's the one who turns away always. And now, i have to turn away before he turns, because i can't bear it when he's the one who turns away first. T.T

So anyway, i hope you've enjoyed my post. LOL. even though it was quite boring i suppose. I'll try to be more myself, so i could bring joy and laughter in class. HAha.Byee!! =)

24th of April. Busy day.

2010-04-25T05:58:00.000-07:00

Guess who?! XD Hey guys, rmb the joke?? haha!

Its the birthday girl!! Tadaa!!! XD

Me feeding her. LOL.

LOL!

Now this, when i was setting the timer, all of them were nibbling it. OMgg!! caught ya!! haha!

I ran so fast to my place that i thought i ran faster than lightning. HAHA!

I took the 1st and tried. Its like a round mini chocolate cake. =P

LOL. only melanie ada makan. XD

they help us take, we help them take. haha!

Shoot #1

Shoot #2 . haha.

YOu know, while taking this pic, 3 of us were sucking up the water together. haha!

then 3 of them. see?? siao suan and mel so good, get to drink so many times. ahaha!!!

Me and the birthday girl. XD

3 of us, cheeching just add in. HAHA! funny!!

Okay, to start this...this..WONDERFUL day, I went to school as we had cross-country race. Melanie they all didn't go, so that left me alone. GAHH. LOL. Anyways, i had to drag myself up and before i took the first step, i banged into the wall. Gee, it really is a wonderful way to start the day. =.= OKay okay, to shorten the whole story, the end. Haha, nah, i'm just fooling around. Um.. okay, i reached school, saw Selena and she said she wanted to find Pn Toh. Okay, so i just let her go and i went to Bilik Pandu. WHY? because i brought my phone. LOL. its not exactly illegal, its just that we weren't encouraged to bring it. But anyway, when i was on the way, i saw him. But i pretended that we were just strangers walking past each other. =.= Later that, i was given the duty to carry boxes of water to give out to the students. LOL. Finish that, we sat there and wait. For the people to come back. ==".

Saw him countless times, tried to breathe deeply, but in the end, i forgot how to breathe again. Oh man. But whatever. Later when the crowds start coming back, i was busy handing out the water bottles. I didn't see him come back, and then when i turned my head, i saw him panting. Well, good to know that he's back. I kept on giving out waters, and then i only realize someone was stalking me. I went to the crowds and fit in. LOL. Later, tried to play a fool on my sis, little did i know, he was there. Oh well. You will notice that this whole post is nearly about him.. well, because, nothing. Just playing a fool. =.= Its just that i can't help looking for him, whenever he is not near me. Oh whatever. Later, really saw him LOADS OF times, even sometimes just standing in front of me. GAhh. =.= then, okay, giving out prizes, he got a prize too. congratz. =P

Later, my sis they all wanted to go to pizza hut for a pandu meeting. its about our pameran. LOL. skip skip skip. before we went, we waited for vivian to change to a t shirt. While waiting, i entertained myself by playing Lor Jian Sheng's phone. The racing car game . That's so fun. LOL. but i keep losing. LOL.=.= but whatever. Vivian came out, so we walked out of the school. Okay okay, then while we were passing the jambatan...saw someone..was being 38 too..=.= skip skip skip.finally reached, saw andrew they all there. LOL. Bock and kahyee too. Then, mom came and fetch me because i had another event to attend. So went home, bathe and stuff. Bla bla bla. 1.30p.m went out again. LOL. TO?? CHEE CHING'S BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!! =)

Reached 100 degree(100度). LOL Just beside paparich. WALAO. i so scared later XXX come out beat me. haha, LOL anyway, sat down and 38 a while only that Melanie come. =.= so we start to order and all those. Later when out soup all come then Melanie went out. Dunno do what lehh?? HOR??=.= anyway, our food came out. and we were not at all ladylike, all of us took banyak banyak food. Then when Melanie came back..Oops. nothing to makan. HAHA! No la, just not much varirety to choose from. omgg! so damn funny!! haha. so anyway, while i was cooking halfway, um...my soup was half porridge ,so...it got burnt. HAHA. omgg..that time we were laughing our heads off about it! but nevermind, that person changed it for me. so after we eat finish, we brought out the cake!!! And then we sang happy birthday song to cheeching. Who cares what people think of us. WE ARE THE WORLD~~ lol. okay, cut the crap. After blowing candle, all of fed her a mouth of cake. I wanted her to eat the chocolate part of the cake. haha!LOL . then...took pictures. XD haha! Around 4 o'clock, i had to go because i had music class. Music class was okay, just that probably i was thinking too much and mixed up all my songs. Gahh. =.=

That's the end of the day!! =) thank you for ''listening''!! XD

End of the week. Thank GOD!!! =.=

2010-04-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

Well , its been a week . And amazingly , i've survived . LOL. It is hard, but I'd gone through it. And i thought i would never recover from being ''LOVE SICK''. Gahh.. =.= though i still have trouble sleeping (and i'm having eye bags!! T.T) but, i could eat now.

To make this post interesting, i've got some things to tell you guys. Um, this week, loads of things happened. 2 guys ask me to accept them at the same time. I told one of them i can't, so that's that. Hope he gave up *please please please . The OTHER one, well, quite a hard nut. =.= He asked me if i was single. And i said yes, single but unavailable. Whatever. I thought he would go away, little did i know, he sticked like a leech to me. =.= gahh! and what happened today was, when i finish tugas and grabbed my bag from BP, and i went back class, i saw something on my table. =.= it was in black big fonts. like this:

JOAN, I LOVE YOU.

I was honestly stunned. ARGHH!!!! Ohmygoodness!! GOD BLESS ME!!! =.=i honestly have a big fan. And everyone in class was teasing me about it. =.= And and and, that ''somebody'' told everyone!!!! OH my GOSH. anyway, gotta go, tell you guys more about it next time! =) =.=LOOL!!!

The 5th day I've survived without him.

2010-04-21T18:49:00.000-07:00

Its been 5 days. We didn't sms. We didn't see each other. Wait, i did see him yesterday. LOL. I wanted to go over and ask, why did you do that? I wanted to believe that all of it was just a bad nightmare. But when i look back, the visions are so vivid. I'd shiver at the thoughts, when i flash back to the old memories, i hated myself. I hated myself for falling for you. I hated myself believing you were the one. I hated myself for being too truthful. Maybe people were right, when it comes to love, some things are better kept as secret than said out loud. You hurt me 2 times. But still, i love you. Everyday when i come to school, i pray that you'll never see me. But i wish that i could see you.

To tell the truth, yesterday, wednesday, when all of his friends came into BP, i honestly thought he was coming in too. I was thinking should i run out in case he came in, but i figured that we would see each other if i went out. So instead, i ran over to karhoe's side and plead him to tell me what to do. Kar hoe said he saw him walked past. I was devastated. Part of me wanted to go out and tell him, its okay, don't live with regrets. Part of me, were thankful that he didn't come in. Later, i couldn't take it anymore, so i went out to get some fresh air. When i walked pass his friends, they were saying your name. Everytime they said your name, it was like a knife cutting my heart, but i ignored them. I walked quite a distance, and i walked back. I thought they'd all go back to class. I didn't know that he would be there. But i walked in anyway, and sat down. That's when i couldn't take it any longer. I cried for a long time. I didn't want to cry, but i can't help it. I think karhoe was the only one who understood my feelings, because he went through this too. Nicholas they all were fooling around, thanks to them, i felt better too. Yinglee came in later, the juniors told her what happened inside here. GAHH. thanks to them. But she didn't say anything. But later when i felt like crying again, she begged me not to cry. Haha.

Later, we went for taklimat, i saw him. Again. And felt like crying, again. Oh gawd, but i didn't want to cry. Ji qing saw a few tears and tried to distract me. LAter i was quite myself again. All of us pengawas were 38-ing. We played all kinds of games. Like, when we clap all of us clap once and just like domino. I don't think you understand what i say because i don't know how to explain. LOL. And then, we played some stuffs too. Kar yi did a funny thing, cuz yi cheng was holding a something-like-fishing-stick thingy that he made himself. And I suppose Kar yi was in a bad mood, so she tore the thing into pieces. OMGG!!! It was so funny. Haha. I didn't look at him at all. Cuz i knew i would cry again. and and and when my enemy went to get her prize, boy! wasn't she proud! i even waved to her. haha. but she didn't see me. Too BAD. XD Oh oh oh, the funny part was when we were suppose to sing the national song, all of us sang. VERY LOUD. and its those wrong key and couldn't stay on key type. Hahahahahaha!

Well, nothing exciting happened. Except when we were having PJ i ask my wife-in-law beli water untuk saya. =.= cuz that time i bo lui and i'm thirsty. My wife-in-law sangat bagus lor. haha. But after he buy, he take the bottle and run, so what can i do? chase him lor. I scared his gf nampak lehh.. later she suruh orang pukul saya. aiyerrh. =.= then he give me the bottle. Phew. fast fast open and drink. Later, someone dared me to ask someone's name(somebody i dunno). LOL. Easy job. =.= muahaha.

I'm going to an Easter Party this weekend. Maybe i'll get to meet new guys and...well..maybe move on. LOL. someone just ask me am i single. You know what i said? I said, single but unavailable. haha. Kinda funny eh? LOL. Yea well, its true. Sigh sigh sigh. Wake up joan, you gotta live your life. You can't just keep on thinking about him. Honestly, he doesn't want you, he dumped you, you should hate him. I know, i wonder why i don't hate him too. T.T maybe its because i can't, not because i don't want. I could have loved him all my life if he hadn't left me in the cold. Nicholas told me, joan, you're not 15 yet, so when people tell you they love you don't believe them. SO does it mean, that when he said i love you these 3 words, he never meant it?

100th post.

2010-04-18T06:31:00.000-07:00

I've finally reached my 100th post. I'm suppose to be happy, aren't i? Why can't i be like a normal person and just get over it? Why do i have to suffer so long? Why can't i just be a playgirl who just switches according to the environment? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SUCH A WEAKLING?!

I've spent 3 sleepless nights. I don't have the appetite of eating, whenever i eat, its just for the sake of putting on a show and say i'm normal. I don't know what's happening to me. Everynight i have nightmares, everynight if i have to sleep i have to cry myself to sleep. I've completely lost myself, i try to occupy myself by doing loads of things , but whenever i look at my phone, i missed everything. I know i promised to be a brave girl, but i can't help it when the tears start flowing. I am trying, i really am. I went to help out at our pandu gotong royong with the scouts, i tried to make myself imprint on one of them. But, somehow, like i said, although there were some who were cute, but why can't i just ,''Oh, he's cute, i like him," and then ask him out?(as in, asking for hp number)=.=! I honestly don't know what to think anymore.

I'm afraid of going mad. Everynight, i'm afraid something might happen to me. Everynight, my bedsheets and pillow case are wet. LIke i said, i've lost myself. I've never thought about how i would die, but, what would happen if i went? I wanted to see the world, i wanted to help the world,if i'd gone, i'd only see the world through other things.

My memories were all gone. I can't believe that you just deleted it. But its your blog, i can't say anything. Probably its the best way to let me forget huh? But why? Why did u have to ask ''her'' to help me forget you? I said i would didn't i? Why did you have to do that? I guess this means whatever we had was nothing to you. It was just all a show of toying with my feelings and then throw me away? Like i said, i'm disappointed in you. But i don't want you to live your life full of regrets. Just because of this small thing in your life. You read my blog, you should know what i want from you. Just be happy, just smile..even though when you don't want to, just let me see you smile kay? Let me know, i've done the right choice in trying to let go. That you're happier this way. for me? Please, that's all i ask of you. Thank you. you promise me that, i'll promise you something:

I'll forget you. I'll forget our past. I'll forget everything. Happy?

Deal.

Its over.

2010-04-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

I didn't sleep at all last night.
I cried all night.
My eyes hurt.
I dunno whether to accept him.

I hate you,
but love you at the same time.
I don't know whether i want to see you anymore.
I don't want to go to school anymore.

I hate my life.
I'm tired of it.
But i'll still wait.
Although i'm not sure whether u'll change ur feelings again,
but i will wait.
Until f5, u said that. A promise is a promise.
Even though u broke the promise,
I'll keep MY promise.
tHAT'S all.

Byee. =(

2010-04-16T11:03:00.000-07:00

It doesn't matter anymore.

You've broke all your promises.

You've broke my heart.

You destroyed everything.

You destroyed my world.

but, in the end?

I still love you.

WHY?!!

I hate you!! I hate you for making me love you!! I hate you for making me hurt so bad! I hate you for making me worry all the time !! I hate you because you're such a coward!! I HATE YOU!

I know i promised to be a brave girl, but i won't promise that i won't be sad. So i'll just cry, and let it all pass. Just like you said, but in the end, I know, what we had, you never really cared right? If you did, text me and say you DID!

Another day when i couldn't hold my tears any longer.

2010-04-16T09:52:00.000-07:00

Its been 5 months hasn't it? Well, nearly. Time does pass faster than we think. I'm fine ,really. Ten chin-ups and i'll be good as new wouldn't I? I did try, just somehow, imprinting and liking or loving is not the same. Now i know.

And i thought, 3 years more, that's easy. But i didn't think about you didn't i? Yeah, i have to admit, i did think about the future with you. I know it sounds stupid. But, yeah. If you are reading this, please note, i'm not trying to make you feel guilty. Its a free country. I don't blame you. I'm not the only girl in the world, and i'm not even 1/1000000 of all the beautiful girls. That's why i don't have the potential to make you stay.

I'm just an ordinary girl, i'm not pretty and i'm pessimistic. You can know it from the statement i made before the fact that i said i'm pessimistic. LOL. Okay, i fell in love with someone. And i don't wish it to end happily ever after, because i hope it wouldn't end. LOL. I didn't know falling in love was such a hard thing. That is, when things start to go wrong and both begins to fight. It was like a fairy tale at first, but when it gets to the ending, its like you wish you never fell in love before. From this, i learnt a lesson. Guys are seriously never trustworthy. No offence to all the guys but, this is my lesson.

Did you know when you told me you had something to say, I got ready for it. I knew this was coming, but i just didn't want to accept it. And when you finally said those words, i felt as if my world had been torn apart. Half of me wanted to beg you so that we could start all over again, half of me felt like just dropping dead. I don't wanna do stupid stuff that would hurt my family or friends, that's why. But of course, you're afraid, now i realized. I finally realized what bothered you the most. ME. Isn't it? Don't waste my time? I never thought this was called wasting time. Suddenly don't feel like replying? Whoaa. YOu caught me. Would your friends come and find me if i said no more feel ? I don't know. Its up to them. But i hope they wouldn't.

I don't know who invented broke up. I don't know who invented crying. I don't know, who invented LOVE. But that's the point isn't it, without love, this world is nothing. Without love, there wuoldn't be happiness. Without happiness, there wouldn't be fun or laughter. So in whatever we do, there's love. But i wish that, no matter how, if u have met ur MRS RIGHT, i hope you will be happy. =) and you'll treat her well. And, you know,although you're imperfect, that's what makes you perfect. And, try not be so blunt next time. You'll hurt the ppl you love, or the ppl who loves you. I realized i loved you alot, maybe even more than my life, and i even thought the future with you. Kinda ironic when i think back. But, there's no point in going back right? I never wanted a relationship with you, really. Its actually you, but, its nobody's fault now. So, no point accusing.

Just remember, when you feel so tired in life, don't forget i love you. Now and always. No matter is it in friendship or real love. When you feel like nobody loves you, think of me. =) just one favour, pls let me see you smile. That's all i need. =) anyway, byee. I'll just be, a normal me again. i guess.

Remember, I Love You.

No matter what.

Now and Always.

Smile Joan,

Its gonna be okay.=)

FISH YOU!

2010-04-13T08:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, now i am positively sure that you are looking for death. Why? Are you afraid that you won't die of asthma? Oh, don't gimme that i-don't-want-to-hurt reason. Okay, lemme get this straight, you don't want HER to get hurt when you die, but you want the other HER to get hurt huh? Wow, that is like so romantic. But anyway, you're not making a movie puh-lease, do not be so melodramatic. So why don't you cut the drama and just say it in her face and lemme have a go at you huh? Oh i'll tell you what, i'm kicking your ass if you come crawling back to HER. i'm gonna make you suffer and go through what sh'e been through. Oh yeah, don't think just because i'm a girl i don't dare to fight you, no, i'm not acting heroic. I'm seriously warning you. You said those 2 painful words, YOU SAID IT. So don't come looking for her or i'm gonna be so sorry for your mommy that she has to wash your clothes cuz ''SHE'' is gonna puke RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, ON YOU. Geddit?

Oh yeah, i told you to keep your promise right? I warned you. And what did you let me see today? I saw you walking her home! You let me see this?!! Omg, i'm having a sore eye. You know what? If u ever read this post, i hope you know that you're an asshole! == . What place to i own to scold you, i have the place that is when-you-hurt-my-friend,i'm-kicking-your-ass. So this sentence pretty much gives you the hint doesn't it? I hope you don't detect a note of sarcasm in it, because there isn't. So anyway, i've got a lot of things to say. but i don't want to bring it out. GAHH.

this post is for the brat, jerk, who has crossed some forbidden line ,violated an unwritten law of the social order. LOL!!==...

Cuz the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly.

2010-04-12T17:53:00.000-07:00

Okay guys, nothing. LOL. I have absolutely no idea on what to say. Okay fine, i'll just say what's on my mind.

To someone, if you ever read this post, i hope you have ''benefited'' from it.

you know , she loves you alot . Everyday she comes back and tell me , I love him very much . I could see that she will be happy if she is with you , that's why i told her to open up her feelings to you . And she did , i could tell she'd been happy whenever she was with you , its just that , you were always so negative thinking , she tries her best to comfort you . But , you never knew . you never knew that you had so much , she never gets frustrated with you . And one day , out of the blue , you just said "break up" this 2 words to her . Yo man , are you looking for your death sentence?! LOL. okay , i'll just...carry on . Okay , did you know , when you said those words to her , you might have hurt her...she was deeply hurt. I had the urge to go and ''negotiate'' with you, confront you and demand what 's your problem , because you promised me something , YOU promised me, that you would NEVER EVER hurt her . And now , look at what you've done , JUST LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE . YOU LEFT HER to pick up the pieces , YOU left her to go through this alone , while YOU were walking with another girl?! Although i don't know what happened , if you ever do get back with her again , i'll take precautions . I won't be spying on you guys , i'll just be careful . Because if you ever repeat the mistake , trust me dude, you won't like it when Lam's pressing you and karhoe's scary cool moves(LOL!! i'm serious) and my powerful flying kick. Nah, i'm just kidding ..i don't know what i'll do. But i'm sure Kar hoe and yuesum will lemme have a go at you. UNDERSTOOD?! good. problem solved. * dust hands.

p/s: rmb your promise: NEVER HURT HER.

Geez...

2010-04-10T06:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, its the end of exams~~~ yeah yeah , i know you know..i just wanna rejoice the fact again. LOL! So anyway, since its the end of exams..we kinda gone high for a while. Last friday, the prefects were playing until we were practically laughing our ass off! Everytime the juniors came into BP, the guys will always scare them, which i could see they were scared outta their wits. haha!

Not really any interesting stuffs happened..but, i got back my results. OMG. IT SUCKS LIKE HELL. here are the results: (drum roll)TADAA! okay, scroll down. =.=

BC:80(its the first time i got an A in 3 years)
BI:82 ONLY.
KH:73(and i was just this CLOSE to getting A!!!)
Science:i dunno..i think i'll pass ONLY)
Maths: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.
Sivik: DUNNO.
Moral: GAHH!
Seni: 78.
i forgotten others.
LOL

anyway,gtg. byee! =)

When i look at you...

2010-04-08T18:48:00.000-07:00

Yeah, its the end of exams. Woohoo!! The taste of freedom is great! Haha.. Well, i'm pretty sure i won't really get REALLY good marks for ANY subjects. Sigh. Wonder how am i gonna face my mom. Uh-oh, i guess she won't half kill me. :( Ahh, but i'm really not in the mood to actually bother about that. Okay, maybe i am, because i just remembered that teacher is probably gonna give back our results today. Oops. Aww man! This is worst than i thought. But like i said, i'm tired of everything. I'm tired of bothering those stuffs that i probably can't handle, but i want to, because it means so much to me. I try to give up, i really tried, but i'm afraid it'll take longer time than my heart to heal. I know time heals it all, but, CAN I? I mean, it really isn't about whether i want or not, its whether i CAN or not.

I know, you'll say this is for the best. And it is, it really is. So i'm not gonna say "i can't live without you" these kind of stupid love thingys. I really don't know why people say that, yeah, it hurts, but it probably won't reach till there.. Or maybe it does. I know, at this time, studies first. I fully grasped the concept,but, its just so hard, everytime i read the old msgs you sent, it makes me feel like crying, but i won't and can't, because i made a promise to sweelynn that i'll be strong, she probably has enough worries to worry about. I don't want to burden her anymore, so i guess i'll just, TRY again. Harder this time. Nothing is impossible. But how?! the feelings are still as strong as it is. I...i don't know what to think anymore. Its not as easy as ABC. And i guess i could say that, this may be the first time i feel the desire to own something. I won't say ''your love is my drug''like Kesha's song, okay, maybe at first its like my habit of waiting for your msg..but, to think it would be all gone, i put my head between my hands and cry. I won't deny the fact that i cried now, because, i'm afraid i would explode like a japanese bomb one day. I would hurt the people i love, and for me, one person getting hurt would be enough.

Maybe its me who think so much, but i can't help wondering, who am i to you? I know you told me the answer, and it isn't what i expected, but, is it true? I mean, i really am starting to wonder what part about me that you like. I'm not pretty, i don't have a model size or height body, i'm not smart. I don't know, you know? Was it all a show? I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what i'm thinking anymore. Right now, my hands are just moving on their own accord. My mind is positively blank, so it must be my feelings typing these things out. I just Don't want to care anymore. I'm really very tired. I'm tired of cracking my brains to think of things to talk about, of not letting the tension be so thick, i'm tired of pretending nothing is wrong when everything is wrong; i'm tired of saying okay when its totally not. I'm tired of lol , ok, O, then these words! i'm not a robot, please, understand me.

I don't want a relationship, i just want to know that you care for me. I don't want any present for my birthday, i just want to know you're safe everyday. I don't want to talk when we're alone, i want to hear your heartbeat. Its enough for me.

When my world is falling apart,

when there's no light to break up the dark,

that's when I , I , I look at you.

When the waves are flooding the shore,

and i can't find my way home anymore,

that's when I , I , I look at you.

A visit to the hospital.

2010-04-04T19:43:00.000-07:00

So while i was studying, mom asked me and sis if we wanted to come along to visit an uncle who was admitted into the hospital. I didn't really want to go because i knew i was weak, i can't really take it. But in the end, i went. It took us quite a long time to reach, cuz we took the wrong turning the first time. So, yeah..we reached. Went up the lift, went to his room. At first, when i walked in the door, i saw an old man, he looked quite strong but he didn't look like how i remembered him. But instead, he pointed to another bed. Surprised, i looked at where he pointed. And then, i saw. I saw my uncle. He had shrinked due to the fact that he couldn't eat as his stomach refuses to take in any food. His skin was all wrinkled up. He slept with his mouth slight opened. I couldn't believe it. No..this can't be happening..i wanted to walk there..but my feet was stucked to the ground, i froze at that spot.

I saw my cousin sister coming in view. She looked weary and she looked haggard. I felt as if someone just squeezed my heart. Everything inside me was churning. I wanted to scream and run away. As if this was a bad nightmare, but it isn't. This uncle, who taught me chinese since i was small, was lying here, in this white room, filled with the smell of anesthetic, on a white bed. I felt tears welling up, but i don't want to cry. No tin front od everyone, and then, my cousin sis woke him up. He looked up and gave me a toothy grin(he lost a few teeth). I smiled back. in my heart, i hope this was really a nightmare. But, i know, no use denying the fact when i know it is true. And then, i smelled ...something.he wetted his pants again. And as soon as they were gettin ready to clean him up, me and my sis walked out. I walked out cuz i didn't want the uncle to feel embarrassed. But my sis couldn't bear the stench. I could, and i would help if i could, but, yeah..its not such a good idea. And while they were cleaning him up, i couldn't bear it any longer. I walked out of the ward, and walked along the corridoors. There, i faced the window and cried. I couldn't believe this was happening. I only hope this is not going to turn out like my cousin bro. I stopped crying whenever somebody passed by. next, i know that crying won't help my cousin sis, i went to the latrine and slashed some water to my face. Smiling at the mirror(LOL!!) i went out. It was the least i could do, being cheerful. Cuz what she needs now is support. And i want to help. So i walked back in with a little skip and hop here and there. But from my sis face, i could tell that she knows i've been crying. But if she knew, she showed no sign of it. And i was grateful for that.

I looked at my cousin sis, she was so weary and haggard. But she still do what a daughter should do. She's taking care of her dad. Suddenly, i felt that, what i've been feeling lately stand no chance to fight with hers. She had to take care of so many things all at once. But me, exam exam and exam. SO what? Exam's not a big deal. I know. SO what if the relationship doesn't work out? But it means a lot to me, So i'm taking back the ''so what if the relationship doesn't work out". but sometimes, i don't know why i struggle so hard. To me, it looks like he doesn't give a damn about it. But i want this to work out, not just end like this. Okay, way out of topic. Ha..um..yeah, that's just about my day. I went home around 8 and just had a hot drink.. chatted for a while..then start studying cuz someone wants to sleep. So i studied around 11 something to 12..then went to sleep. Immediately, i fell asleep. I don't need to toss and turn around for hours only falling asleep.

SO anyway, i have exam today too. LOL. MOm's school is having a holiday, so she went to help out in the hospital. I hope i could go..but, some things are holding me back. EXAMS!!.

BYEE!!=)

April Fool's day. LOL.

2010-04-03T19:14:00.000-07:00

yeah, well..i'm kinda busy studying these few days so i didn't exactly blog on the exact day of april fool. LOL. So, today,i was supposed to bring my caligraphy things , but in the end? I forgotten!! OH shit!! Then, while i was on the day to school , somebody asked me, did you bring caligraphy things? And then i was like, OMG!! I didn't bring it!! SHIT!! and everybody heard me saying shit. =.= oops.

then ran into school . yeah, RAN. Found cheeching and asked her, did she bring her caligraphy things? As usual, she didn't. Why as usual? Cuz last year, she never brought except for the last time of exam. LOL. So,she went to buy, and i bought the ink and borrowed the writing pen from SuetZhi. And i thought , problem solved. Oh well, little did i know. So, while we were having exam, i started to write and out of the blue, the head came out of the body. So there were two parts and i was shocked that my mouth opened up. I nearly shouted "HOLY COW" but could do away with the attention, for now. LOL. so i raised my hand and the teacher came , thought i needed more paper, but when i showed her she was like, oh..waddya wanna do? And then i was stunned because she asked..yeah, she's ms yap. not 'somebody'. If its 'somebody', she sure as hell won't give a damn about it. LOL. SO in the end borrowed. When the exam finished, some ppl told me,

WAH!! YOUR PEN PLAY APRIL FOOL WITH YOU AR? HAHAHA...=.=

haha~~very funny. =.= NOT. yeah i know i'm not being a sport, but i was so nervous that it was a wonder i didn't wet my pants at that spot. LOL! Literally...=.=.and then, i'll just skip everything and let's move on to the weekends.

I went to popular due to the fact that my sis wants to buy some books. LOL. As in, revision books. As i was pretty confident about NOT FAILING ANYTHING IN THIS EXAM, i went to look around in the stories section . A few caught my eye but wasn't really feeling the urge to buy them . And then walked walked walked, guess who i saw? WOO CHUN HONG!! OMG!! I quickly hide behind the shelves and suddenly, saw another sentosarian there. OMG..the whole bookstore full of sentosarians!! then, ran to another place and hide..then keep running around like sorpo playing ''catch catch'' sendiri. Syok sendiri. LOL. in the end, came out of ''hiding''. LAWL. and then, went to look at some books again, this time, i saw... NICHOLAS SPARKS series!! I had to use all the strength i had to keep myself from shouting out ''OH MAI GADDD". LOL. a girl gave me a weird look . i glared back at her using a ''what are you looking at'' glare. LOL.=.=. she just walked away. SAD. haha. SO anyway, i practically dragged my mom to have a look at the books, my mom just told me, okay..choose which one you want. And i chose..yeah, how can a mom bare to refuse her own baby daughter...XD. haha..in the end, my sickness came back. I can't make a decision, my mom told me to buy every of his book if i have to, but, i didn't want to buy so much at that time, cuz, i know that i'm gonna neglect my school work and read until i drop . LOL. So, i bought his "Message In A Bottle" and " A Bend In The Road" . And then, i spent so much time choosing the most perfect one, without scratches and stuff, but the worker! SHe just opened the book so big!! I nearly cried at the spot! Yeah, i'm a cry baby. So what? =.= And then, i just walk off..and being in a VERY bad mood on the way home. Mom didn't really talk about it. Until we reached home. MOm was telling dad about what happened and i just cried. Yeah, you heard me right, i just cried. SAt down and cried. Mom and dad comfort me but my sis just said, crazy..==''. I didn't want to talk to her, she always did that to me. LOL. End of story, i can't talk about it anymore, i'll get pissed off again and cry. LOL.

So yeah..that's the end, of the story..=) or blog..=.=.. or post. =.="!
Byee..=]

Exams.. are driving me nuts. Gahh.

2010-04-01T09:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, first, i'm gonna apologize for leaving moi blog dead without 2 seconds notice. LOL. Nah, i'm just kidding. So anyway , took advantage to online this morning as I felt it was a really good day to online (despite the fact that i have to memorise the stupid moral nilai's) so anyway, um..i'll just start with what happened yesterday , okay.. so.. we had chinese paper 1 and moral yesterday . Skip skip skip.. we finished chinese exam (FINALLY!) yeah, well..i'm not gonna say I THINK i'm gonna fail..cuz i probably won't , the least is i'll get "not-very-good-marks" that's all. LOL. And so it rained during recess, no need tugas SR, tugas kelas, but where i go? Pergi cari kawan pula. SO chatted with chee ching and phuiyeng, then pulled a trick on siao suan. It went like this , she walked past me , so i just slapped her butt , then she turned but she can't see anyone, and by chance, yuen chang yoong walked past. You guys should have really seen their expression , the way their expression change is priceless. OMG!! I was laughing like hell and yuen chang yoong was busy explaining that it wasn't him that did it. OMg!! It was so funny!! And then, there was no eletricity. Walao..i was on the edge on losing my temper.. Yeah, i don't know why, but everytime i come back from tugas, very hot, no wind? I feel like standing up and getting on ppl's nerve, LOL. So anyway, i keep telling myself心静自然凉. But, apparently, it doesn't do much help. GAhh.

So i tried to calm myself by reading "Dear John" instead of the stupid moral nilai's that might probably set me off and i'll just explode. LOL. Yeah, it did help. Amamzing what books can do , huh? MOving on, while i was indulged in reading this fascinating book, (=.=) the person in front of me(yeo kee gim) turned and told me ,

yeo: 应该不用考试了。
me: 琢磨？
yeo: 都没有电。
me: 吓？！！酱都给你讲到！
yeo: 是嘛，看老师手上都没有考卷。。。
me: 是咩？你不要逃避现实啦。。现在暴风雨他都要你坐在这边考啦！
yeo: 不懂哦，希望不要囖。。。
me: *LMAO！！

In the end, still need to exam. Gahh.. "don't avoid the truth larh." LOL. anyway, finished this, he turned and told me again,

yeo: 希望现在有电啦。。很热哩。。
me: OMG，好希望不希望，现在希望有电？好笑，你不希望我们考试的时候有电不是跟好？咋到！
yeo: 哦，酱希望明天啦。。。
me: *甘拜下风。。

LOL.don't know if today we're gonna have to take exam . Haha! Just kidding, even if there's an earthquake, i'll bet they still want us to menduduki exam . GAhh!!

List of movies...lawl.

2010-03-26T19:18:00.000-07:00

Yea yea yea, i'm here to blog again..
No no no, its not gonna be an emo post..
At least, its gonna be a list of movies i plan to watch.

Hmm..

Valentine's day
Alice in Wonderland
The lovely bones
Sherlock Holmes(yeah, i know its a long time ago movie, so what?)
Alvin and the Chipmunks The squeekuel
Dear John
The Last Song
Harry potter and the Deathly Hallows
Eclipse *screams and faints
....still waiting to fill in... LOL.

Omg omg..i seriously can't wait to watch these movies..I think if think anymore i really don't need to have exam already. LOL. Totally obsessed with movies man..LOL.

Anyway, anyone wanna teman me watch all these movies?? Haha..i'm just kidding. Of cos i need to watch with my friends lurhh.. watch those romantic movie with my parents, later in cinema watch halfway pull me out. LOL. Say, under 18 cannot watch .=.= zadao... So, i gotta go now! =) byee!!

Dear John...

2010-03-25T18:19:00.000-07:00

Dear John, tell me everything, write it all down. That way ,we'll be with each other all the time even if we're not with each other at all...its a full moon here tonight which makes me think of you.Dear John...i miss you so much that it hurts.

Yeap, this is from the movie Dear John based on Nicholas Sparks novel. Omgg, i can't wait for this movie. I think its coming out soon..(at least,i hope so)..=.=

Just a short post, cuz i'm bored.

Seriously, i mean.. i know that exams are coming, but..

HOW THE HELL DO I STUDY IT?!!

omg..i feel like jumping off a cliff. LOL. JUst kidding.

Gahh...

What do you mean to me?

I finally know the answer.

You mean everything to me.

Regrets.. what's the use of it when it can't change anything?

2010-03-24T18:46:00.000-07:00

Nah, i'm just posting another emo post..
so if u think i'm posting crap post,
just read until here and then you stop.

LOL.

I wondered again,
if i really just kept things to myself,
if i didn't go to NZ,
if just said i love you to him every night like usual,
would things turn out like this?
would i regret that i lost him?

Gee, sometimes, ppl are right..
life is unfair...or so, i thought.
Because we shouldn't ask for more?
Or is it because that's what God thinks?
I honestly do not understand..
until now,
I'M CONFUSED.

I can't gather up the courage to tell you 2 things that happened,
I keep getting the feel that if i tell you about this,
I will lose you forever.

I know, between 2lovers,
there shouldn't be any secrets..
but,well..yeah..you know, we're not..
and, we can't even have secrets that will keep both of them together?

Cheeching told me,
if something like this really happens,that is,
if the word gets out.
see the situation, and then only tell him.
Because, if i just break down in front of him and tell him,
it would end.
Just like holding a glass bottle and dropping it.

I didn't want to make it look like i forced you ,
so i didn't tell you about that misunderstanding..
you want it over,
yeah.. whatever you want.
But sometimes, i wish you would maybe try to understand what i'm feeling..
I don't want you to do what lovers should do,because we're not..
I just want to know that even if we're not together, you still have feel for me..
and talk to me about your day,what you're thinking,
because i'm no mind reader.

If i could read your mind,
then Edward could read Bella's mind then,
i know.. i know.. you told me you're sorry..
and i said okay. because it was really okay.
i didn't buy you or sign a contract that said you would be mine for eternity,
so i have to let go..though i know it isn't easy..
which is really NOT easy, phew,
i could sweat like hell whenever i don't see you,
and i find myself looking for you everytime i see the school bell rings..
i think i look like a red cooked lobster when i see you.
must be ironic , huh?

I don't know what is it about you,
that made me love you,
was i under the impression we were gonna be together for a very long time?
Yes. i was.
But now, i guess things didn't turn out the way we expected huh?
But, its okay..really.
If i can live to see you everyday laughing with your friends,
i thank God that he brought me to this world,
and met you. =)

I did those things was because i wanted to,
not because i want you to feel obligated to do something back in return for me,
because i feel that no matter how,
those things are worth it.
And i'm not kidding. LOL.

Some one said,
you know, i don't know what you see in him..
I will say back,
you know, you're really not in any place to judge him.
so just fcuk off you jerk.
(which is true, that person is a jerk)

LOL.

yeah, i think that's all..
phew..it is kinda good to let it all out..
xxx is right, i should let out everything once in a while,
or i'll go mad.
haha..i'm going to school soon,
gotta get ready..wish i was a vampire though,
could use the speed..haha! and the memory..LOL.=D

Pandu camp . Gahh. ==''.

2010-03-20T18:52:00.000-07:00

Me and chee ching's phone.. yeah! same wall paper. LOL.==''..

Ho min was so happy when everyone of us got a big box of chocolate . WoW!

this is mine!! omgg!! thank you Datuk Yeoh!! X)

this is our campfire.. group one doing performance..cool thing!

and while we were hiking, the teachers use their car. so good. LOL.==''...

haha.. this one..i also dunno what we're doing. ==''..

ohh..they're doing the ladang kuda.. LOL.

Getting ready so we camwhore a bit. XD

Kailing...u sleep more than me lehh.. how come more tired lehh? =D

Oh gawd..my AJK so sampatt..haha! i ask them do de la.. LOL.==''..

Perasannya!! XD took for fun..=)

LOL.. i know i know..very perasan ==''..

she's washing her face.. and its all white..haha! u know, my setiausaha laughs like a horse. LOL.

see? look out of the window and you can see the LRT. LOL.==''..

LOL ~

okay, see this? this is siao suan's body shampoo. how did it get up there? well, while i was bathing, i forgot to bring my body shampoo in...then ask siao suan throw over..mana tahu..she throw until past my cubicle and landed on top. OOpsie ;X

this is our goal. haha!

random pic. LOL.

siao suan did this. hhaa!

this boy is really cute..and the girls too..=)

LOOK!!!a football in the middle of the padang.WOOHOO!!

see 2 legs on top of ss? that's mine. haha!

o.o.. sexy ! XDDDD

this is me!! the pro! LOL. i'm just kidding.. haha! chee ching took it,and she was quite Proud of herself for taking this photo. LOL.

LOL !!!!

Yeah, you must be thinking : "Is this called holiday ?!! One after another.. LOL!" yeah, this is not called holiday , this is called busydayS. LOL . So , wednesday afternoon, came back..went to bathe..was already half asleep when eating , then mom told me fast fast go pack my stuff then go tidur. Then my sis started to get really sick , so in the end , i have to sleep with my dad , respect elders? He sleep on my bed i sleep on a mattress lor. My dad so late come in , in the end, i have t sms to teman me sleep. LOL. I usually like a good chat befoe i go to bed , and now my sis sick , LOL.Sms halfway waiting for someone msg, then fell asleep cuz was really exhausted . LOL. sorry . ;X

then next morning wake up, saw the msg "someone" sent and replied. @.@ next, prepared everythng and my dad drove me to my pandu HQ. Saw a lot of campers and when i got down the car they were staring at me. I'm like a superstar. XD omgg, ;-) then, found melanie they all and went to help out. though do what i dunno. So in the end , helped to peel the onion and garlic. And you can guess, yeah..our hands smell like hell after that. =(

After that, we found a football in the middle of the padang! That's so cool! And i went all hyper and started to kick it. But, it was kinda running outta air . But what to do? that's the only thing to keep us entertained. So we start to go crazy. LOL. Took a few pictures, LOL.. play until like pro..LOL. Actually all of us has no idea how to play , all we know is, kick the ball and if it hits one place, we goal. LOL. very lame. Haha. but we still syok sendiri. And then tired ourselves out and went to the tent to rest. Took a few pictures. hmm..

Oh ya, next, we ditangkap pergi buat kerja . LOL. actually we want to ignore that lou gu po. ==''.. i know she's married , but i just simply say, then thought, aiya, we come here work de mar.. go la go la. So we went. Little did we know, we go until have to do banyak kerja tim! Like wash the pots and pans..then scrub the floor. Walao, cinderella meh?! ==''..then , it got on our nerves , cuz the lou gu po said, if we didn't wash one pot or plate, she will call us up even though we are sleeping . HUH!! i'd like to see that! YOu can call me up only you say this larh! U know, when i sleep , if you suddenly come and wake me up , i seriously won't choi you. You try shaking me, you kena larh. I will slap you and kick you really hard. I'm serious . LOL. Then she tell us, finish work don't try to cabut , if not want find us do things very hard . WALAO. we heard this all of us curi curi cabut lorh! then later she sendiri carry those things out. DAI SEI. LOL ==''..

Then, we went to sleep. But before that, we bathed and ate some midnight snacks. =)! LOL.. and then, keng gai for a while, then everyone went to sleep. zzz~~ IN the middle of the night , there was something really getting to me, so i talked with cheeching until around 2 sth a.m. COol eh? hahahaha. LOOL ! After that , we slept like a log . Skip SKip SKip. It was nearly dawn.. i was sleeping in the cozy sleeping bag when suddenly i heard "You're way to beautiful girl ,....~~~" I nearly screamed cuz it was so loud!! and it was chipmunk version!!! or so, melanie said so, i just heard this song, and then i was talking to myself, shut it! shut it..i keep saying. LOL.. but it rang every 10 minute. GAHH!. in the end, got tired of it, and woke up. the campers were already up and did their senaman pagi. LOL.

then , nothing interesting happened.. just went hiking. Actually want to walk until mid valley there.. but dunnno what the teacher say, cannot wor..so we walked back. Haiz. Then,went to 7-11. yeah! Bought some things. And saw some THINGS- condom. LOL. SWTZ!! selena was promoting it, and the worker there was looking at us.. AHAHAHAHa! I ran out of 7 eleven laughing.. LOL. LMAO!!! got a lot flavour de tim! dunno what brand, but saw the picture is 2 person (1boy 1 girl) on the bed. LOL. then we fast fast buy our things and walk out. MUAHAHAHA! Very funny .. LOL. Then, nothing interesting happened. siao suan and cheeching went back, so me and melanie we wondering around the whole place and just walked into our room and started to talk.. LOL. talk until we lost track of time. But, wow.. exchanging stories were such fun things.. HAHA! ==''...

Then ho min became our "light bulb" and called me.

Wei er, where are you?!

HUH? where are you wor?!

i'm in the hall..!!

OHhh...then?

Fast fast come help!

okay.

then me and melanie went out of the room to help to serve those campers. LOL.. so good..got ppl serve..==''.. we AJK makanan eat leftovers. And to somebody, We are AJK makanan. Not kitchen workers. GAhh. Really like mother like daughter. ==''.. kitchen workers wor.. no wonder no one choi you larh. ==''..LOL then, after cleaning up everything.. bla bla bla.. campfire wor.. skip this part larh.. quie sien lor.. then, erm.. habis.. want to go and bathe. MAna tahu?!! Bo water wor!! OMGG!!! i was near to tears.. cuz i'm so sticky, so of course need to bathe lar.. and was thinking of evry single way how to get water.. then someone told me, "use mineral water". and then, we started searching for mineral water but it will waste a lot. So we connected a pipe to those toilet place and bathe.. ew..i nearly puke. but what to do?got bathe better than no bathe lor.. ==''..then sms for a while.. and melanie went out to talk on her phone.. so i was alone in the room. And, fell asleep. When melanie came back she saw my phone on the floor.. so she know i fall asleep ady. Phew. So tired. And then, we went to sleep. nothing else. OHh!! Chee ching came back the next morning! and we syok sendiri holding a stick and dance the chicken dance. haha.. Then those flag pole, we carry it ony our shouder like a tootoo train, and started to march. Omgg..so funny..haha.. selena gave stupid commands larh!! haha! anyway, that's all. for now.. i need to prepare for school already. =) byee!!

Pengawas kursus

2010-03-17T17:48:00.000-07:00

me and ying lee.. LOL. syok sendiri. haha!

Another one.. =)

okay, so today was the pengawas kursus . Nick , as the penasihat for this group ask us to come early . early which means , it starts at 8 a.m. , you go to school at 7a.m. Understood? LOL. So anyway , woke up at 6 .45... took me quite a while to get ready (cuz, you know, when ppl wake up in the morning can't be really hyper .LOL.) [ESPECIALLY SO EARLY!!!] LOL. anyway, reached school , saw nick and yinglee.. I guess they were fighting again. They always do. I think? um, anyway, skip the crap. Went to discuss bla bla bla.. then went to blok g, didn't bring my phone that day . but, i think because i'm used to it , every 5 seconds i'm putting my hand into my pockt to check. LOL. only to find nothing.

Okay, then we had some activities , that included playing with...our date- M-U-D. gee, once that smell hit me , i had the urge to vomit . seriously. And while we were playing , something happened, contents are not to be revealed. LOL. nearly dirampas lor our flag.. Next, played something VERY GRUESOME . we had to put a wee fish into our mouths . OMG. i could seriously tell you me and ah Bock nearly vomited at the spot. We couldn't bear to touch the fish , let alone put it into our mouth . Oh gross. Then , we had this drinking thingy ,eww.. that one.. after drinking it , i ran to the nearest basin and rinse my mouth . LOL. then , this came the really gross part , (for me) the watermelon competition . Everyone share?!! what about hygene?!! oh gosh , had the urge to cry , MOMMY! LOL. honestly , i ate one tiny mouth and i just threw it. LOL.

Later , we had a tug-a-war competiton . 1st time, we won. 2nd time , we lost . 3rd time , the feng shui not good , so we lose. LOL . and then compete compete , until 4 groups masuk semi-final. Nothing else .

then, there reallly wasn't a lot of thing to say,so let's skip to the 2nd day.

First , came to school. Walked through the big gate , and tan ke weh called , Ei joan! help. then i go help.. cuz i bring very little things . X) Then , we walked together to blok g. And , then.. a few briefing , then semifinal for the tug-a-war . Wasn't really interested and can't really support any group , cuz both group also have friends , so in the end, me ying lee, kathy , ching zhou and nicol end up lazing in blok g. LOL.

Then comes the interesting part , we had this cooking competition. i think i skip this part lar.. cuz sweelynn is screaming at me to fast fast post. XD LOL. then we prepared drinks , and the food is, Sushi , Pancake , and steamboat . So yeah, you get the picture , everyone's stomach was huge . LOL. me and nicol keep touching each other stomach. ==''... LOL. then clean up everything, bla bla bla . Then played treasure hunt , skip everything la.. boring contents . LOL. then , nothing . That's all ! =) byee! x)

School Day~

2010-03-12T17:49:00.000-08:00

Okay, so today, it was an okay day. But the really cool thing about today is, ITS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!!! ==''.. LOL..And anyway, Um..just wanna wish Andrew Phang and Chan Yue Lian happy birthday. I wished andrew, but i forgotten to wish yue lian!! Ahh!! So sorry..T.T..LOL. hehe...=)

Anyway, there isn't really anything to talk about except that i can tell you guys about moi holiday plan. =) okay , for the whole week of the hols, i'm busy. LOL. i seriously am. Here's me schedule:

Monday: 10-11a.m..i have a church event
Tuesday and Wednesday: 8a.m.-5p.m.. I have pengawas kursus. *KILL ME ==''...
Thursday to Saturday: I am going for pandu camp...though i'm just gonna help there..the form 1's are taking the exam. LOL

Okay, menuruti schedule tersebut, DO YOU THINK ITS CALLED A HOLIDAY?!!! LOL..i don't think so too. ==''.. Or maybe you think so , but..whatever. LOL...

Its just a crap post anyway,..um.. gotta go then.

Byee!! =P

Sports day!

2010-03-11T16:55:00.000-08:00

Sports day, mostly i spent the whole day running around..doing pandu things..even when i'm suppose to do my duty. LOL. Okay, i'll start what happened from the day before sports day, actually i wasn't suppose to sit the bus, but in the end, wencai asked me to do something for her, and i promised her. In the end, my mom got pissed because i was using the phone so much that she gave up and told me, "tomorrow morning i'll drive you to school. this is the first and lst time i'm doing this. Understand? " " YEs, ma'am!" *salute. ==''..So i went and prepare everything i should bring or wear..blah blah blah. And then, i keep fiddling with my phone, sms with "him". And my mom ask me put down the phone, i said, i have to inform my pandu people some things. Then she went quiet. XD *evil.

Went to sleep with a BIG smile on my face. LOL. And then, in the morning , i heard my alarm clock ringing like hell..i had the feel to slam the whole alarm clock to the wall..before i even had time to reach out my hand..my mom rushed into the room and threw the alarm clock at me. And i woke up with a start. GAHH!!! If i have heart attack,how?!! ==''.. so anyway, i haven even stretch, my phone rang. So i ran out of my room, (still in my pajamas!)==''.. and before i got there, it stopped ringing. Oh, it was karhoe. LOL. Then i called back..he ask,

Karhoe:Joan?
Me:yeah?
Karhoe: what's up?
Me: err...why you call me?
Karhoe: ohh..uh..did i wake you up?
Me: No..what you want?
Karhoe: okay,erm...do you have extra marching shoes?
(because he was using chinese, i had a hard time differenciating whether he was saying black shoes or marching shoes) LOL
Me:Black shoes or marching shoes?
KArhoe: err..marchign shoes.
Me: sorry..i don't have extra.
Karhoe: um..nevermind. sorry ya..wake you up.
Me: no problem. LOL.

I think my mom wanted to say thanks to karhoe for waking me up.. ==''..haha! LOL.Then i changed my clothing and clipped my hair..double checking everything..and out we go! I was starting to get nervous because i was really scared..about what is going to happen. LOL. Am i going to faint? I hope not. LOL. anyway, i reached school..and skip the crap. OHh!! i saw him. LOL i thought he went to the stadium already..LOL. and then, skip skip skip. Reached the stadium, on the way, cynthia was commenting on the driver.. like when he could take another turning into the stadium he went another way. so cynthia said, He wants to kidnap us all. LOL!!! LMAO man! ME and melanie were like, laughing like hell. And then cynthia talk very loud like, Of course must drive in more so we don't neeed walk so much mar!! And then me and melanie were asking, are you sure he dunno chinese? LOL haha!

And then the uncle drop us somewhere where we need to walk ourselves to the keris besar. LOL. haha! quite funny that time. CYnthia was grumbling.. saying wah! this uncle kidnap us halfway then know i know he want to kidnap us just simply throw us! I call my Ahmad drive better lorh! AHAHAAH!! really LMAO. LOL. So we walk there and then i was starting to get a stomach ache..i'm so nervous! I feel like i could puke. LOL. OHh!!! We saw Hue Zhi Yang, CHen Yan Kye and YUe sum and Beh ying zhen holding there blazers, SO yeng!!! And then, skip skip skip..my sis directed us where we had to go..the tunnel there, and we went through the blue khemah thing. I go in only realize. LOL. but, i had to go from there no matter what. So, whatever. saw him and accidentally poked my sis with the tiang bendera. oopsie :X sorry ya. LOL. And so, its starting...im freaking out..and xinmei said, don't forget. He's looking. Okay, that made it worst.What if i did something wrong? I would be like a total failure!! And i don't want him to see it! AHhH!! Fortunately, i can hear Carolyn's command, if not i'm gonna be slower than the rest. LOL. Phew...it was really a sigh of relief. And then, we went out again and stood there for what? Half an hour?!!! that stupid idiot teacher talk so long, does he have any idea my hand is gonna break soon?!! and then i heard this news, kailing, my bendahari...fainted. As in, lost conscious. Omgg..i started to feel like i'm gonna cry soon. And then more ppl were carried out. And i started crying and crying because i was so scared. And my hand was already numb. I couldn't feel it anymore. And then, xinmei was whispering, wei er! hold on!! its gonna end soon..just hold on! And because i couldn't let down my whole team,( they worked so hard! ) I held on. ANd when we were suppose to walk back,..i walked back..and i felt my hand couldn't take it anymore. And we were nearly in the tunnel, my hands gave way, and my knees buckled. And then everyone was like, Omgg!! wei er!! And then everyone carried me to a floor and took off my gloves and shoes and my burrete. LOL. And i cried and cried. Happy that this was over. But, suddenly i felt that, this is cool . If i could do it again, i would. HAHA. And then, we went to rest. I started feeling okay already. Thanks to melanie's joke, I was talking behind there all the time! haha!

And then, everyone heard that cheer was gonnna start soon. Everyone ran to watch cheer. haha! Pandus' were running crazily as if it was robbert pattinson in there. LOL!! I went to change my clothes..LOL.and then, went to tugas. Left someone to guard the door. HUH! i am not guarding the door if that's what you're thinking. =P to that someone. LOL. so anyway, went in to look around, in the end, watch cheer with my juniors. XD haha..skip skip skip again. went all around looking for him..not pruposely, just looking. LOL. Cuz i had to do pandu things too. And, finally ran with Kah yee to find her bag. Saw him duck in somewhere but wasn't in the mood to care because it may be a matter between life or death. LOL. just kidding. heard them laugh but whatever. LOL. and then, changed back to pandu uniform for upacara penutup. wee~they started announcing the winner... and PBSM won the 1st. well, they did do well. and they trained really hard. but, scouts wasn't really happy about that. and everyone noticed, when scouts didn't win, pandu wasn't really happy even though we got 2nd. we didn't jump or what. saw him jump when PBSM won. felt a bit...a lot of mixed emotions inside. GAHh.

Went home with wencai after that, laughing in the car with wencai wenxi. LOL i think their mom was trying not to laugh a lot, haha! and then reached home and stripped off my dirty clothing. LOL. chaged into a pair of want to wash liao de clothing, and sat down. he texted me. whoaa. undescribable feeling. LOL just kidding. and then, spent the whole afternoon lazing around, finally, went to sleep. LOL

Well, i guess that's all. I haven't got my pictures, but i'll try to post them up as soon as possible. LOL. BYe!!

p/s:xinmei, akan belanja makan tak? sangat san fu wehs hold the flag. XD *evil.

2010-03-07T17:16:00.000-08:00

Phew, school school school school school! that's all that i ever hear as long as i live i think. Which is, really..not so bad. Just, sometimes i get so frustrated by other things and i will start screaming my head off. I don't really know why, but..i do kinda look forward going to school sometimes.. don't really know why. LOL.

Remember my last post i was so..pessimistic about things? HAha, well.. turns out things weren't exactly that way. I mean, maybe couples DO fight. But, we are not a couple. Full stop. A big fat round full stop. Yeah.. and hey sweelynn, I don't know, thank me for being sensitive sometimes please. ==''.. You know, you said so yourself, Accept the person you love as he or she is. Gee, that's who I am..can't you accept that? Or are you planning to divorce me? XD haha. Well, anyway, i'm glad you're really happy with him. So, to my wife-in-law (yeah i know its lame,but i invented this. LOL), treat her well or you'll be dead faster than you can say, Arnold Schwarzeneger. And seeing the fact that you are, well..not-so-..err.. you-know-what, i don't think you can react to what i say. LOL. I'll make sure you pay for the consequences. No worries about that, its taken care of. And sweelynn, if you hurt him, i have NO IDEA what to do or say. OKAy, maybe i should be quiet. :X

I currently feel like doing some things :
Like, for instance,

I feel like writing a song,
I feel like finishing my book,
I feel like doing bungee jumping (its just an expression that i feel like doing something exciting,LOL)
I feel like saying I LOve You to someone forever...
I feel like living with my loved ones forever...

Ohh..i don't know what i'm thinking anymore.

GAH.

Byeee...=)

2010-03-07T01:38:00.000-08:00

I was complaining to sweelynn again. And she was really starting to get impatient.. i can tell.. But,she really calmed down..and asked me to calm down. LOL. I couldn't really wrap my head around things. WHy do guys actually like to get on girls nerve? I mean, okay...i don't know if these usually happen between couples or what...but, okay..we're not a couple. First things first. But, we always bicker over some things! REally stupid things. I don't know why. Mel and sweelynn say they bicker with they're dot dot dot too! But, as in.. those cuddly couple way..that is, sweelynn only. I don't know about Mel, but i'm pretty sure they do it maturely. LOL. But, when i say,bicker..okay..maybe bicker isn't the right word. Its should be, quarrelling. Yeah, we quarrell all the time. Its like, we completely stopped trusting each other. I find it hard to believe him..(is it because of what his friends say?) and he finds it hard to believe me too. Well, not exactly..he trusts me with this BIG secret...and, deep down, i'm glad he shared this with me. But, he was like, please don't tell your friends bla bla bla.. okay, fine i zip my mouth. So going back a little, we can't exactly trust each other. But, i know i still love him. I truly love him. Is it going to end just like that? I don't really want it to be like that.. i want it to be...perfect.

Sometimes i would think to myself, after form 5? that's easy. All I have to do is keep the faith. But i've thought about myself only, i never thought about him. what about him? What if i was still deeply , unconditionaly in love with him when he falls for another girl? how am i supposed to live? i tried not to think so negatively, but, i'm not the most prettiest girl in the whole world! there are, gee..how many millions out there who are hotter and gorgeous! (though i wouldn't categorize myself as hot or gorgeous, but in plain looking. LOL) When i was in primary school, i used to think that I would be a nun when i'm grown up. Dating and getting married is so hard!! But, when i started secondary, whoaa. my whole opinion changed. I fell in love, so deeply that no matter how hard i try, i think i would never be saved. I don't really know what's he thinking... if i could, then Edward could read Bella's mind then. Sometimes i feel that, he is...complicated. Everything about him is sophisicated. Its hard to figure him out. Even when we text, the contents of what he says, cannot give me a hint on, whether he is smiling, or he's angry or annoyed..or when he gets my message, what is his reaction? I can't really think straight. Everytime i'm near him, I never dare to breathe. Its like, if we breathe in the same air at the same time, i would vanish. Because I'm in his world now.. I couldn't just leave like that. There were so many things i planned to tell him last time, and i thought, Oh well, that can wait...we have tons of time. Little did i know, because of a misunderstanding, it ended. I remember that day, i was so mad at my dad that i didn't even kiss him goodnight and hug him like i was still his little girl. I guess there were question marks all over his head. And I cried myself to sleep. SOmetimes I thought, if i never became a prefect, we would never be together. If I never went to NZ, this would never happen. If i didn't take a walk with my dad that night, and hear him say those 5 words that got me straight jumping to the conculsion, this would never happen too. If i just kept everything to myself, and told him i loved him as usual every night, things wouldn't be like this now.

SOmetimes, i feel like giving up everything and just drop dead. Why can't i just give up? Life's so hard! But, i realized, without all these little things that happen, life would be miserable and not challenging. But, why can't things work out between me and him? Because its not by chance, its by work. I finally understand this. A relationship is between two people, and both of them must work hard to keep on...if not, it would just be like some ppl who just thought giving up was the easiest solution.

If i could do anything now,I would turn back the time, change the elders thinking, and making the decision of not telling him.

So, that's all for now folks! Byee!

p/s: thanks sweelynn and mel, for the advice. totally appreciate it. Karhoe too, but if things don't work out the way you guys hoped, i'm sorry to disappoint you guys. T.T.

Sincerely,

Joan

Oh Gawd.

2010-03-05T05:46:00.000-08:00

I'm dying now.

Gahh.

Sweelynn, Ying lee.... forget it.

Its not going to help or anything.

I'll admit defeat when the time comes.

2010-03-04T18:31:00.000-08:00

Revive blog!! Revive!! I can't live without you!! ==''..

Okay, first i'm gonna blog and tell you guys about Chong Ying Lee, who went psycho one day and burnt our experiment paper. haha! So we were doing this experiment (seriously, i don't know about what) And we were supposed to lightly put the filter paper above the fire..not too low. Or it will be burnt, and there was oil on the paper, and we were waiting for the paper to see what was the outcome, and ying lee just put it too near the bunsen burner, and then..the next thing i knew, ppl were screaming...LOL. C'mon lar..just a small fire need to run out of the class anot?! We also haven run, what the hell are you running for?!! ==''.. then we put out the fire already, everyone let out a breath in relief..haha!

And,yesterday.. ying lee went hyper and sang songs in Bengkel. Omgg..i think the teacher was near to pulling out her own hair because me and ying lee were so tau ge..OMG. Then i didn't bring my KH nota, so quickly grabbed shin chien de..haha!! She gan jeong until simply grab a book too!! haha!! luckily the teacher didn't notice. Professional fakers man all of us.. was just chatting with my New Zealand friend, AManda, and she told me they have strict plagarism guidelines now..haha! so they can't copy homework in NZ.. well, at least there's something good here. XD.=)

Was mad at him yesterday night. I was so so so mad! And i am mad now too. Why do i get the feeling that...ugh!! Nevermind, I give up. I know sweelynn, i still love him, but how can i talk to him without getting mad everytime?!! You get me a solution, and i'll do what you want me to do. DEAL. ==''..

Anyway, i gotta go now. I haven't started on my homework. GAHH. and i have 15 minutes and i nidda go to school now. O-M-G.

Happy Birthday KAr Hoe!!!!! =)

2010-03-03T04:19:00.000-08:00

Okay, first things first,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAR HOE!!!=)

My best wishes to you bro. =D peace! CHEERS!! HAHA..LOL

Anyway, i haven't really got to say a lot to you today..so yeah, i'll say it here.I think i'll start from the time when i first saw you. I remembered that me and cheeching were new and we walked in from the back door. You were sitting nearest to the door and you told me and cheeching that there was a space available there. Seriously, i felt grateful to you. Cuz it was kinda awkward standing outside the class..LOL. ha..um.. so, that was the first time we met. LOL.

And then, loads of things happened when pn norhaizan changed our place right? ha..i was sitting with sweelynn...and you were in front..things were really fun that time. LOL. I remembered asking you a question, Eih, karhoe, if want to have baby need to do that meh? AHAHAHAHAH!! i know you dizadao..haha..that was really stupid. haha.

And then, pn norhaizan changed our place again, you were sitting beside me and sweelynn on the other side.And yuesum behind me...OMGG, that time was the most stupidest time..LOL. remember that time sweelynn pull my shirt up? LOL!!! oh, and remember the time i was mimicking sweelynn talking? and then she said i was touching her boobs(LOL!!)but i wasn't exactly paying attention and i just copied..LOL. Stupid i know..There are stil a few funny things..but i can't really recall.. Oh wait! there's one.. remember the time my neck became stiff? and i could hardly move..haha! and then yue sum keep wanting to push me head right and left..and you were practically shouting at me to move my head. haha... oh gawd..that sure was idiotic. XD

Wow, thinking back..it was like yesterday.. when i think back i would find it really memorable..haha.. and sometimes, i wonder.. if there really is second life, i hope i would be able to know you and our BFFL group. i mean,well...u know.. LOL. and well.. him. XD

And, i really wanna thank you for helping me and him. you know, you've helped so much.. and i'm sorry that things didn't quite turn out the way you hoped..LOL. ==''.. but, you helped so much,..i think it must be time for us to work out our problems ourselves. Of course, i hope you will meet your..you-know-who. LOL.haha. anyway,i gotta go now.. mop the floor aa..~~~ haha!

Lastly,

HAIRPEE BURBDAY KARR HOUUUU :X

Normal english =) XD haha!

2010-03-01T19:42:00.000-08:00

Do you know how much i love you?
You probably won't know, yeah..cuz i never really told you..
I love you more than my life.
No, i'm not kidding. ==''.

I always wondered how was the pain going to subside when you left,
but, until today..the pain remains.
And there's no turning back.
I know, and i respect that decision. =)

If you ever find another girl,
i'll support you, even though i know the pain is going to be unbearable.
But, from the bottom of my heart, i just want you to be happy.
Just this simple.

Looking back at the text messages you sent me,
I find it ironic cuz it was like, we would be together forever.
I couldn't find the words to put in when you said i was beautiful.
Finally, a guy who said beautiful instead of hot. ==''...

Even though you were a timid guy
who was not really big on expressing your feelings,
I still loved you more than any guy
who expressed his feelings more romantic than any other guy.

I know i'm weird in some ways,
but you accepted that in many ways
and always found a positive solution to think about.

You respect me,
and when i say i don't want,
you will not push me to the end,
and just accept it good naturedly.

I love you,
and i know that you want the best for us,
studies first, then maybe we'll talk these later,
i accepted that when you first told me,
but i just didn't want to give up.

Just want to let you know,
I'll wait...

and, I Love You.

Eat peanuts,draw until nuts. LOL~

2010-02-21T02:00:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, i'm still in the holiday mood,so i'm blogging..MUAHAHAHA!! (swtz==''..) Okay, um..i'll just be honest, for those who wants to know if i have finished my homework, No, i haven't. And you might be exlaiming there like, "WHAT?!! SCHOOL STARTS IN LIKE, WHAT? 18 HOURS!! (give or take a few hours .LOL) Yeah, i know school's gonna start in 18 hours or so, and i give don give a damn about it..LOL. okay, maybe i do..but, i just wanna enjoy the last day of freedom. As in, the last last day. ==''.. okay, then you guys might be asking, "Okay, since you haven't finish your homework, what did you do the whole holiday?" ==''.. what i did is, drawing manga..and writing a story..hehe.. and and and, i also watched a lot movies.. well, seeing the fact that i have nothing to do,(LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!!) ==''!!! and its holiday, so i try to become a potato couch as long as i can be. MUAHAHA. GAH. BAH. YAH.

Anyway, seeing the fact that you might fall asleep to this post, maybe i'll give you something to...REVIVE!!!LOL.. or maybe not... its just a few manga pictures i drew..LOL...

This one, i drew it a few days ago...LOL..and just coloured it..==''..

And this, i drew it and cut and paste. LOL..haha!

I just finish drawing it yesterday..LOL

This is one of my favourites...LOL. ==''..sweelynn like the girl and boy de..=='' dirty mind..haha!

This one, i draw very long..haha! Okay, next!

This is my favourite..i think..so far i mean...LOL.

This was the 1st one i drew..since last year..ahahaha!!

Stupid movie. LOL.

2010-02-19T21:58:00.000-08:00

Bleach!!! *screams. Faint. ==''...!!!!! (no, no...this is not the stupid movie i'm talking about.)

Hey guys, so yeah..this is the last day of freedom..haha! LOL just kidding. I mean, school'd starting in like, 2 more days. And, yeah..you get the picture. Okay, i'll just brief you guys about what i did this last few days.. erm.. actually i did not do anything interesting like bungee jumping. LOL. Um..well, its just the same old routine. Wake up, brush teeth, change, eat, do homework, watch movie, practice the electone, and play this baby comp. ==''.. Yeah, well..that's what i often do..but..okay, lately..i'm beginning to kinda like manga drawing.. i mean, when i'm really bored..its either i write my darn story, or i draw those animes. Kinda proud of it now..haha. Well, sorta.

So, yesterday i watched a totally stupid movie called "He's just not that into you". Omigod. Seriously, if i were a movie critic, i would rate that movie 0 stars. Honestly, how can there be such a stupid, absolutely idiotic movie?!! okay, now my sis just reminded me that i chose this movie. Okay, yeah i chose it. so what? how the hell would i know it would turn out to be like this? LOL. if i knew then i wouldn't choose it. Puh-lease. ==''... okay, since you're so smart, i don't see you standing up and grabbing the remote control from me to watch the movie you want..==''.. GAH.

And before watching that movie, we sorta watched a movie called " The Girl Next Door". That, is incredibly, awfully, more than idiotic movie. First, its porn. 2nd, its perverted. How come guys can stare at women and then bump into something? well, unless they're attracted to the girl, or they are actually really perverts who can't keep their eyes off hot girls. LOL. ==''...3rd, its a totally stupid movie. Conclusion: STEWPID MOVIE. ==''...

And, now? i'm well..blogging..but, i'm maybe going to an aunt's house later..so..yeah. And oh, i'm also smsing.. LOL. sometimes i amazes me how fast time flies by. A few months ago, i wasn't sure i could survive when that decision was made. But, now..everytime we text each other..somehow, i thank God that we sorta broke up. ==''.. I mean, i think that our relationship might be strengthen by this...you know. Now we laugh more often..not like last time, we just said some solemn things like, oh well, you know what. ==''..LOL.

Anyway, gonna have electone class later..so, i'm going to go and prepare..==''.. Hmm..so, byee!! thanks for listening to me crap. HAHA!

Photos.. that are worth a thousand words.

2010-02-17T01:12:00.000-08:00

Hey folks, i'm back from my hometown.. and i've just finished sorting out the photos i've took at my hometown and when i had a visit to my aunt's house yesterday..i'm kinda lazy typing now..like i said, i'm really becoming a potato couch. LOL.so..enjoy..LOL.

me and my cousin sis.. LOL.

candid shot..i didn't know she took this photo..haha! swtz, i know.

==''!!!

see?? she loves to eat...i'm feeding her..haha!

i dunno what she's doing.. LOL. but, she very very cute! XD

.....nothing to say.

goodness knows what they're doing..hehe..XD

Mabel!! i love her so much..hehe!

there they are..playing...dunno what. LOL.

this is kinda funny, its like mabel's afraid of my cousin sis..haha..quite funny~

she keeps following her sister..hmm.. =) aren't they cute?!!

mabel is still learning how to walk, so when she walks, she's like, those mabuk ppl. haha~

the two sisters... i'm sure they'll be very leng luii when they grow up.. hehe.

this is my favourite pic of her. she never looks at the camera..so,this is like, a precious pic..LOL. haha!

Isn't she cute?!! xP

Erm..she's actually kissing her sister, but, yeah, i know it doesn't look like it.==''..

This is, Mandy. her hairstyle so damn yeng..maybe i'll change it to her hairstyle..ahaha!

Okay, she's kinda hyper active, so...well, you get the picture. ==''..

Ahaha!! no comments..LOL. she's always like this..==''..

this is Mabel, she loves eating crackers... haha..LOL.

my 二嫂and my niece! she's so cute too!! XD

hmm..my legs wearing the high heels..seriously..its my legs.

And this, is what i wore to my aunt's house yesterday, (yeah,i wore high heels!!)

we got angpao's!!! LOL. took it for fun..

my sis and my cousin sis's baby..so cute..anyway, see the contrast? the baby's eye-big. my sis eye-langsung tak nampak. LOL.

This is my favourite pic of her. She is so god damned cute!!

tHE cousin photo..LOL. mom's idea.

Actually we wanted to take another shot, but the baby cried and so all of us started to fuss over her..well, after i took this photo though.. actually i was talking to my mom..then, she just..snap! LOL.

Oh perfect.

2010-02-15T23:46:00.000-08:00

Hey people. Yeah, i'm blogging now... so stop bugging. Okay, um.. the reason i didn't blog was.. 'cuz i went back to my beloved hometown and forgotten to bring this baby back. And so, i survived with? The incredibly stupid TV and Michelle's book: Breaking Dawn. *screams and faints. LOL. Yeah, i've become a potato couch for these past 4 days. And i'm dumping things down my stomach at every chance i got. TOo bad for my stomach. Hmm~

And now, i've finally finished reading Breaking Dawn..(hey michelle! you can get your baby book back soon! ==''.) Well, technically..i've read it before..just sorta wanna read it all over again to..kinda like, obsessed with twilight saga. I'm impressed by the way Stephenie Meyer writes..her imagination is..really beyond words. And the way she express the feeling, how she describes the scenery and how the character feels...it just awes me. She kinda gave me an inspiration to write a book, and i am on it now..but everytime i reel back and read what i've wrote, it makes me feel frustrated and i feel stupid of writing such a childish story. Well, personally that's what i think. And i think based on ying lee's comment, my story is kinda idiotic. Ironic, isn't it? It kinda amuse me that i can at least finish a chapter. BAh. ==''.

I've been trying to jot down lines of what i think so that when i've decided to start a new book, i'll get to use it. Of course, i'm not copying. Have you ever felt a gush of inspiration brush past you when you see something fascinating? Everytime i see a breathtaking scenery, words like, green trees surround and hear the water gushes immediately jumpes into my mind. Sometimes i feel proud of myself, and sometimes, i feel that its just plain lame. ==''..

I hope the school hols will slow down. I haven't got around taking a deep breath and school's gonna start in what? 6 more days? Give or take a few.. LOL. I hope that what i heard is true, that when school starts, the evil witch of the west will take her broom and go far away. Or whatever. And i hope she goes to that school, hey, i can call my friends there anytime to ask a favour. Bully her. Right, now i'm becoming an equal of her. Ugh. Shucks. *wash myself in holy water. LOL!!!

Right, i'm gonna have to mop the floor now. Mom's orders. Chores alert. Sigh. so, i hope that this post full of crap can entertain "...''. U know who who are. LOL. so..Byee!!!

Gotta live like we're dying. (Yeah right.==''..)

2010-02-12T01:36:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, i know i know. My blog is actually ''starving'' to death. But, just logged in cuz i don't want my baby blog to rot. Yeah, well.. that's the idea. LOL. Um..so, yeah, 1st..i'm sorry to my ''lao po'' cuz i didn't blog for like, what? 50 days? Give or take a few days. HAh! And, those who are really looking forward to my crap..sorry to let you down. Or not.

Went to school today... and i seriously have to say this, ITS A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME. I spent my time going round and round and round around the whole school and teman people walk to the Bilik pengawas until its a wonder if i'm not starting to get tired of walking the same route over and over again. BAh. Sigh. Read Breaking dawn the whole day. And, that's how i spent my miserable half day in school.==''..

Came back from school..had no idea what to do. So, i watched a movie called " A Walk To Remember". Its based on a novel by Nicholas Spark. Omg. Seriously, this guy's good. The books he write, sometimes it makes me feel like i'm standing right at that spot and watching all those happen. The story about this is kinda a bit like "The Last Song" also by Nicholas Spark. And this movie is DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN ROMANTIC! This guy... so yeng arh..==''.. the girl dibuli he save her.. walao..my sis and i were eating our chao kuey tiao halfway then watch until mouth drop open. ==''.. LOL. Then my sis suddenly tell me,

Sis: eih mei, suddenly cannot eat my chao kuey tiao lehhs.
Me: me too.. i can put inside my mouth, but cannot swallow.
(look at each other and laugh)
LMAO.

Then, keep on replaying the movie inside my head.. sigh. Damn nice. I can't wait for "The Last Song" movie to come out. I'm like, dying here.LOL. anyway, that's all today. Byee folks!!

So I lay my head back down

And I lift my hands and pray

to be only yours I pray

to be only yours

I know now that you're my only hope

2010-02-03T18:17:00.000-08:00

Just watched Bleack's Fade To Black.. Awesome movie!! *screams and faints LOL!!!But the picture above is rukia and ichigo..romantic!!=)

Nothing interesting happened this few days...but i'll try to remember anything interesting..LOOLS. Oh yeah, I played truth and dare game again...this time, they dared me to say this,

Me:eih, Hue Zhi Yang..你有没有喜欢过我?
Hue Zhi Yang:没有
Me: 琢磨?
Hue Zhi Yang: 就是没有啦!
Me: SIGH!!!! XD

then, played yih yoong again.

Me: eih, 你真的没有喜欢过我啊?
Yih Yoong: *laughing..没有!!!
Me: 琢磨?我酱爱你哦~ZADAO!!
yih yoong: 不要玩了!!
Me:我没有玩!! 感情可以拿来玩咩?
Yih Yoong: * dunno what to do...smile smile smile..==''...!! XDDD

I know i'm evil to play ppl like this.. haha..but, hey..c'mon ppl, we're in our crazy fourteens..don't you think we should..you know? Live up a bit?? But seriously i don't hope to make him feel anything..i think i'll just..err.. leave the joke here. Put it to a full stop..LOL. but, thinking of it now, its very funny.

And and and~ having geo class that time, ying lee suddenly ask my look up..then i look..then ying lee say, Oh, nothing.. then she told me that her mom told her when you ask ppl to look up you'll see that that person'll open up their mouth..but ying lee say i didn't.. then we ask ho mei yi to look..her mouth open big until...walao. you can drop a bomb in.. AHAHAHA!!! ask other ppl look up..nothing de..only ho mei yi..haha!!

Haiz..i wish i could be in the same class with them...i miss them so much!! sigh sigh sigh.. i know!! i padan muka din study hard..T.T..

Anyway, its kinda short post but, i'm bored..so its a lame post. ZADAO. xP

Marching practice. LOL.

2010-02-01T04:03:00.000-08:00

Today pandu went back to school to have our marching practice. Just as expected, less than 20 pppl turned up. Boo mereka. BOOO!!! LOL. Nothing much to say actually, cuz the whole day we just stand there practicing our jalan and stuff... me? i have to practice to hold a stick. On the day, i'm actually holding the bendera. ==''.. so yeah, we rest for a while... took some pictures.. and, played... FOOTBALL!! yeshh!! well, technically, not the BALL. but there were some used bottles.. so, we went psycho. LOL. me, wenxi, li ying, and shi xin were a group. whereas jing fei and 6 more persons were a group. But, still... our group won. 6 over 2. LOL. Lame. I know... here are some of the pictures... CHEESE! ==''...

Me!!! as in, the perasan me. LOL.==''...

Kai Ling.

Carolyn.

5 of us ..i'm not really their group, but i'm so bored. LOL.

Kar yi.

Owh..my leg is in serious condition. ==''.. LOL. hands too..the way i hold the flag.. i really admire those seniors whose hand tak apa punya. ==''...

End of a torturing week. Drop dead.

2010-01-31T02:18:00.000-08:00

Okay, i'm kinda pissed about this week because, well..quite a lot of things happened to me. Not just things, VERY BAD THINGS. For instance, i'd forget to bring at least one book a day. I seriously do not know what's going on. I mean, once..i forgotten to bring my caligraphy book, so that teacher denda me turun 50 times. GAH. then another time, i forgotten to bring my peribahasa book. SO WHAT LARHHS! Also not important! Sigh. what to do? Turun 40 times..this teacher.==''.. and then, i forgotten to bring my moral books!!! SHIT. yeap, you can bet i'm in deep shit. But i didn't tell the teacher, dunno why. Then the teacher ask us to pass up the book, SHIT.SHIT.SHIT.SHIT.SHIT.SHIT.SHIT. SHIT.SHIT. I also didn't say anything. Then the moral teacher ask me, what is the difference between Amanah dan Bertanggungjawab. How i know?!! The convo went like this,

Teacher: eh,u pengawas, apa difference antara Amanah dan Bertanggungjawab?
Me: Harh? err.. different spelling?? *joking
Teacher: apa? different spelling? jangan ingat u sangat smart...
Me: saya tak ingat saya sangat smart cikgu.
Teacher: ....
Me: *explain what is the difference lorh..

then, dunno what the teacher talk about...talk talk talk, talk until say our class bodoh. Ma de.==''..

Teacher: kenapa semua orang dalam class ini bodoh punya huh?
Everyone: (whisper) CHI MA GAN.
Teacher: nehh, pelajar itu dan pengawas itu. ==''..
Me: U eat cow shit la!!! (furious!!)
Teacher: huh? saya cakap police, ada orang cakap rasuah. apa perbezaan antara amanah dan bertanggungjawab? different spelling. *everyone laugh.
Me: Wrong meh? ==''.. bodoh at least better than tidak bermoral lorhhs, u idiot charcoal man. ==''..

RRRIINGGG!!! Finally that person stop crapping and walk out lorh. I also don't bother to say "terima kasih cikgu" because got nothing to thank him. HUH!!! how dare he say i'm stupid!!! If i'm stupid i dunno what is he already. excuse me lorh..i know more languages than him, i know chinese..so what he knows Tamil? Chinese got so much damn languages: Hokkien, Hakka, Canotonese...bla bla bla.. so shut your fcuking mouth lar you damn bastard. ==''...U think i scared u mehh? Let me tell u this, hell i don't care what you think of me because its not important to me...so what if i'mma bodoh pengawas? I don't give it a damn man, because you know why? You seorang yang tidak bermoral.. i'd rather be bodoh than tidak bermoral. At least orang bodoh deserves respect while an idiot bastard like you, deserve *spit. THIS. So yeah, just fuck off okay? ==''...

That's all for today...well..that day..there's another thing..but i don wanna talk about it. Hmm.

Get well soon.

Truth or dare. or Dare and Dare??

2010-01-27T18:03:00.000-08:00

And yeah, this post is about yesterday, I went to school early because I had to do MD. So around 10 o'clock, reached school. Walked to BP.. then, put my bag dy, shout out loud, "ehhs!!! who can lend my Maths Book C?!?! " haha.. copy homework time. Then, start to play, Truth Or Dare. At 1st only a few ppl know..then ...everybody start to play. haha.. then a lot of dare lor..forgotten..only remembered mine, somebody dared me to say hi to my senior.(easy peasy. isit??==''..LOL. anyway, hutang 1st.. then we dared Daniel ling find Denise Chen and ask her to give up. Daniel was so... so... haha.. dunnno what. Then, he suddenly said, ehhs..let's play hor, the one who give the dare and the person don't accept it.. the person have to kiss the person who gave the dare. Then i was like, ew.... but no worries.. only some ppl heard me. haha!

then we played until syok already.. haha.. it was really fun. but i think jiun rou was kinda pissed because all of us didn't anything but play the stupid game of truth or dare...haha!! soo... that was my day. actually...i really miss my friends.. i rarely get to talk to them.. wonder if this will affect our friendship?? Ishh!! choi.. LOL.

Lately, i think i'm becoming more and more stress. But at the same time, because of my friends support.. i'm starting to get stronger. Maybe this is God's plan to help me be stronger. but, anyway, i shouldn't think so much and maybe start getting myself worked up in my studies..
haha!! LOL.

Byee!!!

2010-01-27T17:14:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, i'm in a major situation now. i can hardly understand what the hell SEJARAH is about. Not Hardly, its i am absolutely at sea. I seriously have no idea what the teacher is talking about. It was kinda funny.. as usual, prefects came in late as we have to do our duty..so i missed some front part of the lecture(literally). haha. So later when the teacher finished, i raised my hand and said,

Me: Cikgu, i masih tak berapa faham la.
Teacher: tak berapa faham? i pun tak tahu nak cakap apa.
Me: eih, bukan cikgu...bukan tak berapa faham, LANGSUNG tak faham wor. macam mana?
Teacher: macam mana boleh LANGSUNG tak faham?
Me: aiya cikgu, i bodoh bodoh punya..dan saya ''empat anggota fa da"..(四肢发达)HAHA.
Teacher: empat anggota??(check out my hand and legs)
Me: ya. dan dan dan, saya "brain mudah"..(头脑简单)..hehe...
teacher: mudah apa?
Me: huh? tak faham ah cikgu?
teacher: apa tak faham?
Me: ohh..tak apa tak apa.

ZADAO. the teacher still a bit dazed then walked out the class..quite funny. Later, we had sivik. Mana tahu, the teacher didn't come (YESHH!!!)..then yingleee had this brainstorm and said, "eih,let's play truth or dare? " "good idea, let's play with lydia they all." then change place with ho mei yi lorhs..then start playing. 1st dare, is...forgotten who. then michelle, so, i dared her to stomp her feet at the KK and say "from this day onwards, i'm never doing chores!!"(action pack: throw the broom and penyodok)...mana tahu, the KK so cool tell her, 'pick up'. all of us laugh until...haha!

then. my dare. Lydia and yee lin dared me to say something to lip yih yoong. So i say lorhs..nothign scared mar.. walk over.. sit down ask, "eih, lip yih yoong, 你有没有喜欢过我?" walao..he stunned for a minute then say, "没有". actually, i was tempted to go on saying stupid things like, why? i love you so much and so long liao wor..bla bla bla..so yok ma. haha. but, no time, cuz the teacher immmediately look over. what to do? balik tempat lorhhs... haha..seee when we can find relief class to play again. FUN FUN!!

and then, it was over...too bad.. see when we can "sot" again. haiz...playing this makes me think of last year. when all of us were in 1a12, playing stupid dares by py.. that was only called fun...yala yala..padan muka didn't study hard...==''.. LOL.

anyway, that's all for now. BYee!!!

2010-01-24T17:48:00.000-08:00

GAH. CHAN SWEELYNN!!!

I told you not to simply post u still simply put things!!

U wanna die isit?!!!

Anyway, enjoy your stay at MOI blog. XDDDDD

HAHA.

thanks for helping me put up those stuffs anyway,

XDDDD!!!

2010-01-24T17:42:00.001-08:00

Hey peepsssss ~~~!

Guess whos here ? ! I"m joan's lao po sweelynn=)

Muahahahahaha XD saya datang post thing le !!

Those songs and picture put by me ^.^

Byee :P

Hope i never get killed XD

Boo Baaa Buu Bii... Bi-bo Bi-bo.

2010-01-24T03:38:00.000-08:00

Hey peeps!! I'm like, dying of boredom now. Haha.. literally. These few days kinda stress... so, will let moi tears drop a bit here and there. LOL. Lydia,yee lin, michelle chua and jia qian..hard to believe that JOAN CHIA WEI-YI cry right? haha.. Sigh. I also don't really know what's going on these few days. Soooo damn stress and worry and a lot larhhs. Has a weird feeling that something bad is gonna happen.. i know i know sweelynn, i'm very negative thinking.. but sometimes its true. My predictions are usually 60% right. GAHH.. my head's really really gonna explode one day. Wish that i could sleep one night, JUST ONE NIGHT, without having nightmares. LOL.

I'm currently addicted to this phrase:'' Is my hair neat?" in school. All because of ''somebody'' thanks to that person. Now everyday i have to worry if my hair is messy or neat. EAT SHIT LA THAT PERSON!!! Another worry... sigh..think i have nothing to do mehh? without you ar, i tell you..i can live a few more years..now you? make my life spand shorter. I hope you have an accident. LOL. *evil. Speaking of addicted, i'm also addicted to this song called "Replay" by Iyaz and "Whatcha Say" by Jason Derulo. Dunno why though.. its not like i'm actually a great fan of R&B 's..Lools. But anyway, speaking of adddicted-to-this and addicted-to-this, i'm gonna add another addicted-to-that. teehee. So, yeah..i'm addicted to playing Numb and Chopin's 'Secret'. LOL. Seriously. Now i nearly spend most of my time playing Chopin's 'Secret'. Phew..everytime after finished playing.. i realized i'm sweating like hell. LOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL!!!!! haha..

This evening, i finally went to the public library. At last, the boring days at home are over..now these precious babies can teman me for nearly a week. YESHHH!!!! haha.. but, i still feel something left outta my life!!! WHat the hell is that thing?!!! I always worry about something i don't even know what i'm worrying about!!! GAH..GAH..GAH...

So, we got our juniors...its so fast..it was like in a wink of an eye suddenly became seniors. Just talked to Joo Ann on the bus one day..

Jooann: So fast right? suddenly gonna become seniors...
Me: yalo.. dunno how i'm gonna teach la.. i'm such a failure man.
Jooann: haha.. my..sorry... OUR senior not good mehh?
Me: GOOOD... VERY GOOD..VERY VERY VERY GOOOD. Lol. ''scrub shoes''. haha~
Jooann: haiz.. That xxx ar.. make me wanna letak jawatan lehh.....
Me: No worries..one day we'll all stand up and pull off our ties and walk out together..how cool is that? LOL. just kidding. haha.
Jooann: haha..

This year's junior all so geng. I also 甘拜下风. (hey!! lao po!! i'm using chinese!! finally. LOL)haha.. got one.. ho mei yi's junior.. tell everyone she like Daniel Ling, later.. go tell everyone again, say she like Andrew Phang more. WALAO EH.(copy mel and py. LOL) I really jaws fell. Got one also, say she like ONg Yun JEt. Wanna 告白 wor. That time i nearly faint. HARH?!!! still fight in front of us seniors saying...

A: she wanna gao bai to ong yun jet!!
B: where got!!
A & C: got la.. still sms us say wanna gao bai today!!!
B: where got!!

REAlly za dao lorhhs... ==''... me and yinglee walked away.. then walk back to blok G cuz ada meeting.. someone said, this year juniors all very SH lorhhs.. LOL. i've forgotten who. Yeaa yeaa,I have short term memory lost. So what? ==''... then all of us agree.. HAHA.

Anyway, that's all for today peepos!!! Byeee.. have a nice weekend!!
CHEERS!!!

WEEE!!!

2010-01-22T19:11:00.000-08:00

Hey peeps!! Its finally the weekends!!! Woohoo!! I'm currently blogging and sambil thinking of some things I could make my whole class laugh about... They're so.... QUIET. I mean, c'mon guys!! We're in our crazy 14..LOL. haha... anyway, had a quite interesting week...except that the bitch won't leave me alone.. GAH. I've decided to not care about this kind of low-class-not-educated-asshole-bitch. Yeah yeah, i'm punishing myself again... And actually there's something i'm quite proud of.. it happened like this,

I was having KH the next period..but i sort-of-forgotten-accidentally-on-purpose to bring the darn book. So i went next class to borrow. Mana tahu, got puan ooi there.. i already walk over there..walk back mehh?? Of course not mar..so ask to borrow lorhhs.. then the teacher looking at me already.. terpaksa walk back..haha... then..py throw the book out for me.. and i took the book and then suddenly, py walk over and say..

ehhs, wei er..that teacher find you.
har?!! find me for what??
nehhs..just now borrow book lorhhs..
haiyo..like this also wan meh this teacher ar..(shake my head)XDDD

what other choice? walk over lorhhs...

Teacher: what were you trying to do just now?
me: HUh? do what? what do what? *someone laugh
teacher: just now you were standing behind the door, what were you trying to do?
me: ohh that..i haven't got my KH textbook but i wanna listen to what the teacher says, so i wanna borrow from my friend.
teacher: is that the way to borrow? ha? did u see me? bla bla bla..
me: yup. i saw you. sorry teacher.
teacher: next time what must you do?
me: sorry teacher. (thinking:next time, i walk straight into the class and take the book out)teehee!!
teacher: prefect somemore..bla bla bla..
me: sorry teacher.(HOW MANY TIMES MUST I SAY SORRY ONLY YOU ARE GONNA LET ME GO??!!! LOU GU PO!!!)
teacher: hmm..go.
me: thank you teacher..sorry teacher. (GAH!)

andrew phang walked in, then heard part of it..
next day, ask me..

ei, yesterday you dimarahi cikgu?
yalo..just for a book only wor..she made it look like i walk straight into the class like that.. LOL.
har? like this dimarahi?
yala!! aiya..nvm de la.
*didn't say anything.

Then on friday, got my junior dy.

That XXX can go eat shit la.. embarrassed seniors in front of juniors.. haiz.. got the authority to pecat so what? see u pecat us all who help you do things? smart kid. Bitch la him.. for those of u who know who i'm talking about, i ask you, what part of him looks like a guy? no part..so,.. technically..he is a woman. HAHA. LOL. evil.

anyway, that's all folks.
ByEE!!!

GAH.

2010-01-20T18:05:00.000-08:00

3rd week of school...

Nothing interesting happened. And now, we changed the time of doing the nilam thingy to Wednesday 11.40a.m. ==''.. Sigh. Damn tired day. The prefects need to go school earlier to do MD, next,do nilam.. then its the kokurikulum time. Don't even have time to eat lorhhs... sigh sigh sigh sigh.

I signed up for PRS as my kelab/persatuan activity. So i had no choice but to go...then mana tahu, this time combined with morning session. OMG. THey are so.. dunno what to say. And then, later...somebody said, " HEY GUYS, THE IS CHRIS'S SISTER." then the morning session all look at me, giving comments like, " HAR? REALLY AR? DON'T LOOK ALIKE WOR.."...some jaws fell also.. and then, i faster hide..when no choice.. terpaksa go and ask for the seniors signature. And then all look closely..like i'm an experiment thing.. HUH!!! the senior weng yau... keep asking me say he leng zaii... gah!!Then no choice, ask for joseph chong's signature.. he keep asking me which one i want him to sign.. how i know what he like?!!! GAH!!!! yerr... I no face dy..T.T...

And then, okay okay lor.. then a bitch dunno what's her problem keep coming to find me.. fuck off man. ==''... next time, she went over my limit..i'll hire a rapist. HUH!!! ==''... yeah i know i'm evil and all stuff.. but if she can leave me alone.. i'll thank her so much. ==''.. i'm yi tiao shui, she's yi da si. ==''.. my cantonese very bad.. but this just came to me all of a sudden. LOL.

so, that's all...at least. Tired out. BYeee!!! XDDD

Its time to make a change.

2010-01-17T01:15:00.000-08:00

Its the first day of sunday class today. I was practically dragging myself to attend class. Then when i went in the class everyone was staring at me.. That is why i hate going through the front door... Why is the use of building the back door if we have to use the front door. Smart people. ==''.. And then i found a corner which i immediately sat down and started fuming. Later, the teacher,Anne Darcy started to teach and i immediately took a sudden liking to her.

After that, she asked us to write down our concerns and worries on a piece of paper. I wrote down something that has been bothering me for a long long time. And she asked us to crush that piece of paper and close our eyes and simply pick a piece of statement. The one i chose didn't made sense at all. And i was quite bothered about it. Then, the teacher said something that strucked me... She said :'' If you do not understand what that piece of paper is talking about.. don't worry..you'll understand it sooner or later. And who knows? It may change everything in your life. " And then she mentioned, we should have a relationship with Jesus. Everytime we have a problem, turn to Jesus first, as only he, could make things better and show you the way. God gave the world Jesus so we could turn to Jesus as soon as we have worries. Maybe i should start confiding into Jesus about my problems.. NO matter what, heart-breaks, family problems all stuff.. we can confide into Him.

Next she said something about FAith. Faith, what does this word mean to you? When people ask, what is it so great about this Jesus of yours? Its everything about him that is great. He sacrificed himself to save us all from our sins. Coming back to the word "FAITH", it also means everything to us when it comes to religion. And then, class ended. I went out of the class thinking about today's lesson.

It may change everything in your life. These words kept floating around my head the whole day. How??? How does it change my life? How CAN it change my life? And then, i remembered that my teacher said, "Jesus will show you the way". I read one of the paragraphs from the Bible. " Treat your enemies like they are your friends, learn to forgive, and lastly, learn to love." SO i thought, maybe what i said about the girl was very bad. I keep using other people's sins to punish myself. But, i can hardly imagining treating her like my friend..she's barely tolerable. GAH! Now i'm punishing myself again.

And now, i'm trying to walk around wearing a 3 inches high high heels. Whoaa.. man, i can hardly walk gracefully like a swan swimming in the pond. I look more like a duck dancing around. haha. But, i'll keep on practicing until i can wear it to have a high heel runnning competition. HAHA. FAT CHANCE. I think so too.==''... LOL. SO, thAT's all for today. BYEee!!

My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you only see one set of footprints, it was then that i carried you. -Footprints.

I will carry my cross and follow you, Jesus.

4th day of school.

2010-01-07T16:11:00.000-08:00

So yeah, its the fourth day of school and i'm currently struggling with my homework. Haha. I know, its only the fourth day how can i be struggling. LOL. Well, literally.

It was a..quite okay day despite the fact that a fucking low class bitch dare to talk to me. Yeaa yeaa,i know i'm being bitchy but i really can't stand her. What's her problem la. She's, not educated. I didn't even cross path with her and now she's sending herself into the lion's den. Huh. Crazy girl. Look like pig still want to make herself more beautiful. No cure already,i think. I don't even know why her parents would want her.==''.. If she doesn't have brains,i'll let her go. But now she has this "brain" but she doesn't want to use it. My gosh, useless junk. ==''.. I'm sorry if you readers have to go through all these but, i'm seriously,seriously pissed by this idiotic girl. If she ever dare to touch me, i'll make sure she regret that she has ever been born. And if she ever talks to me again,i'll make her suffer through school life. ==''..

Anonymous bitch, you'd better watch out.

Cirque du freak:The Vampire's Assistant. Awesome movie!!

2010-01-03T01:57:00.000-08:00

Yeah , i went to watch ANOTHER vampire movie....AGAIN. And so, after church,i went to Mid Valley to watch Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant. And then, my sis and I went jalan jalan to open our eyes. Haha. Then when nearly 11 o'clock only we went up. After that, we went in the theater. But, when we went in, it was like, dead quiet. And then we went out to look at the theater number again. 13 mar..correct. Then why? Nobody ? And then we ran out of the theater(HAHA. SCARY CATS. ==''..SO WHAT.) ...so in the end, we were freaking ourselves out like, why nobody de? bla bla bla....

sis: mei, we got the wrong theater or the wrong ticket or what?
me: Or what. ==''..how i know? nobody watch mehh? my taste got so bad mar?*think think think
sis: i say lor..Cirque du freak not nice lar...bla bla bla..should watch Avatar lar...bla bla bla..
me: okay, then i have a brilliant idea, why don't you go and wait for me outside the cinema and then when i watch finish only i come out find you?? Want? Or not?
sis: *diam diam.==''.. but why nobody?? Its freaking me out!!
me: okay, maybe there's a logical explanation like, maybe everyone saw there is no one so they just thought, oh well,i'll wait for other people to come in only i come in.. ???
sis: YOur point?==''..
me: we should go in first.
sis: ??!!!!! what?!! no way, its so creepy inside...
me: oh come on, if we go in, maybe people will see and follow us, and we can have the element of surprise!! right?
sis: LOL. fine, let's go.

So we went in...and then..LUCKILY..L-U-C-K-I-L-Y..got people come in. If not i was starting to fidget in my seat. And then, it was so quite that if you drop one hair on the carpet, you can actually hear it. Literally too.==''..Then my sis had this brainstorm and ask me to on the music in my phone. So,its not so quiet. I looked at her like she had grown another ENORMOUS head.==''..

me: are you nuts?!!
sis: what? at least it won't be so quiet. and look, if you on the music everyone will start dancing.
me: Har har. very funny. ==''..
sis: teehee!! =D (crazy nutter)

Show starts..then suddenly my sis said to me,

sis: ehhs mei, that guy very leng zaii lar.
me: LOL. huh? i thought you said this movie was boring?? what made you change your mind?
sis: Him larhs. Darren Shan. Duhs.
me: WOW. Amazing what good looking guys can do to girls huh? LOL.
sis: * didn't say anything.
me: * look over. WOW. W-O-W.

tHEN continue watch lurhhs..... come out from the theater that time, we were talking about it. Awesome movie...awesome movie...awesome movie... going on and on about it. haha.

Anyway, that's all today. Need to start packing for school again. SCHOOL!!!! UGH!!! And i'm different class as all of them next year. What am i gonna do alone? How am i gonna survive through form 2?!!(LOL) Am i gonna fit in? Sheesh. i'm being a nervous wreck. ==''.. So that's all today. BYee!! XD

Movies for life .

2010-01-01T23:31:00.001-08:00

Hey peeps, hols are nearly over. Its time to pack up and get rolling to school. (yeah,right!! as if i would do that. XD) Yeah well, i do feel sorry that the holiday has come to a full stop. And now, everyone has to go back to school and study our heads off. Literally. Speaking of school, has anyone done finish their homework? Like, what? 60 essays and 100 maths. Omigod. I'm not even halfway through. ==''.. i mean, what the hell lar..what is holiday? I think the headmistress should really go and look up the dictionary. And if she still doesn't get the meaning? Knock herself out.

So, i'll just brief you guys about my day. NOthing exciting happened,really. No leng zaii and anything. XD So it was an okay day,i'd rate. Morning, went to this, dim sum place to eat lor. Then saw a lot of Sentosa-ians lor. Then go back home lor. Yeah, its a lot of LOR i know. ==''.. Good to be talking malaysian style english. All broken english..i'll try to make it understandable though. (CHEERS! =D) After that, i went to Mid Valley, because..JUST BECAUSE..my sis got straight A's in her PMR. (PRESSURE!!!! T.T..)and, and, and, my bro wanted to treat us(thanks to her!teeehee!!)so he brought us to watch Avatar 3D. So,we queue up for like,what, 20 minutes? And, i saw at the gold class counter there was this guy. Quite good looking. Haha! And then i told my sis,

me:Ehhs, jie..see that guy at the gold class there?
sis: yeah. i know he is good looking.(==''..SWTZ)
me: Ya lor..ehhs jie..let me go watch Gold Class de.
sis: Crazy ar you? Chi xin.
me: haha..juz kidding.

Then, there's this Best Employee of the Month board thingy, and that guy was one of the best employee. Then i told my sis,

me: ehhs, Jie, you see? He is one of the best employee lehhs.
sis: So?
me: YOu don't want know why he is the best employee meh?
sis: you know meh?==''..
me: My theory is..a lot of girls see him, then..they di-electric liao. Then, every girl keep coming and buy tickets. Then he become best employee lor.
sis: LOL. why do you always yan jiu this kind of thing and make conclusions?
me: Genius mar. XD
sis: *speechless. * roll eyes.

Then later, finally our turn. Mana tahu, all sold out. And, in the evening that time, if we want to watch,its all front seats. So if we watch from the front seat when we come out that time,we'll have a hard time walking straight. LOL. So,in the end...we booked tomorrow's show at 6.15 p.m. Mana tahu again, my mom say she suddenly got things to do. Aiks. So in the end, we discuss in front of the counter until I think the person in charge was nearly snoring. But, enough of my crap..==''..so in the end, we booked another show, Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant. (YES!!! I've wanted to watch this movie for a really long time already.) at 11.30.a.m. LOL. Then, later i want to go closer and look at the best-employee-guy-the-very-good-looking-de-guy de name. But, my sis scold me pervert so didn't go and see lor. T.T.. No lar...he also not so good looking when he's close up. XD. Haha.

So that's all for today. I'll tell you guys about my day tomorrow folks! BYee for now!!

2010...here we come!!!

2009-12-31T19:53:00.000-08:00

Okay, so now its a brand new year and we're supposed to have a brand new start. Hooray..yay..not happy at all.==''.. okay,you can't exactly say not happy..just..it feels like,i left 2009 just with a flick of your finger. I don't even know why,there's this THING bugging me. Inside my brain..==''..everytime i look back into the past,its like...i left with some regrets. But, i can't shake off the uneasy feeling.

And lately, i don't know why...things start to turn really wrong. Its like, what i said in my most recent post. Its like a drastic change in my life. Now i'm left alone in 2a11 myself and all of them went to 2a12..yeaa..you can say padan muka cuz i didn't study VERY hard during exam but i only play comp..but..i mean,the comp is so tempting!! So,you can't blame me...at least..not all..haha! i'm talking crap now.

So yeah, i went to church to countdown yesterday-last year-whatever. Haha. But, amazingly i didn't fall asleep..well..to tell the truth just a few minutes, but so what? ==''Actually it was my mom's brilliant idea to go,she was like, okay since we're all free,let's go to church!! after mass, then talk crap with 1 of my friends about boys. Yea yea..we're talking about guys..but we're not perverts..haha!! So now i'm chatting with Kar hoe about feelings..

me: happy new year!
him: happy new year!!
me: chat with him yesterday...teehee. lol.==''..
him: oh about what?
me: crap. no la. somethings la.
him: oh..actually u 2 still like each other..
me: how you know?
him: if not he don choi you lar.
me:oh,so now you're the love expert huh?
him: yeah. sort of. maybe. i know a lot of thing about love ar.
me: okay,so if you're the love expert, why can't u save your own skin? XD
him: sendiri lebih hard mar..other ppl easier..
me: aiyerr...lame excuse lar..==''..
him: aiyo mine is not so complicated mar..

Haha...kar hoe kar hoe..always give lame excuse..haha!. Juz kidding. He's a good friend. YUe sam too.. and my BFFL group... hope we'll be friends for the rest of our life. Haha. ANyway folks, gotta go. Its a brand new year and have a brand new start. So forget the past and move forward!! Byee!! happy new year!!!

End of 2009!!! Goodbye. XD

2009-12-31T05:32:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, its been a really long time since i post something new i know. A lot of things have happened. Good things, bad things. Every kind... Its like, a drastic change of my entire life. Or, a whole new person coming out of me. Like, for instance...my mom changed her mind and sorta let me learn the guitar. But, then... I lost something that means a lot to me. Does it always work this way? When we let go of something, another thing will come along like you've always wanted. Okay,anyway..we're getting way out of the topic.

Okay,erm..the perfect way to start the last day of the year..==''..going to school to help out for the form 1 orientation. Phew,it was a hard day..me and ying lee were carrying water bottles in their boxes. (CAN YOU IMAGINE??!!! BOXES!!! IT'S HEAVY!!!) ==''..yea well..then lyue sam and yan kye was my-our-lifesavers..==''..they became a gentlemen and help us to carry those...(yay!! give it up to both of them!! woohoo!!) okay,then we help the morning session AJK to give out those maklumat paper thingy to the pelajar..blah blah blah..and then, went to BP to rest. But haven't even rest more than 1o minutes, those teachers come in and say ''Can i borrow you for awhile?" Then all the prefects groaning and complaining..still help teacher do...aiyo.==''.. They owe us. XDD

Anyway, its the last day of the year, i wish you all have a blessed new year and may God bless you guys. I love you all!!

p/s:yea la yea la swee lynn, i loev you the most lar. XDD Melanie too. and our BFFL group. Cheers!!!

In the airport...cheese!!

2009-11-24T20:45:00.000-08:00

a photo of me and my sis ta the new zealand airport. my aunts comp is a bit slow..and VERY VERY VERY old..lol..

Hey guys,yeap..i'm already in New Zealand...and blogging..haha..sorry i did not online on the 24th as it was quite a hectic day..phew!! So..these pictures are me and my family in the airport..enjoy!!XD...

or not.==''..

In the plane..yeah!!

Camwhoring..the person beside me was starting at me..LOL..XD.

Me!! at the playground..hehe..=)..just 9 years ago,me and my sis were BEING took..photos i mean..XD.

CHEESE!! XD.

Our family..in the airport..yeah!==''..

Okay,i'll just brief you guys about New Zealand..um..where do i start?

oh,nevermind..i'll start when we were in the plane..

Okay so i was sitting in my seat..and suddenly..i got air sick..yup..i did..==''..and then..well,you know,when you get air sick..you puke. And that's exactly what i did.i puked for 4 times..everytime i eat something, sooner or later i'll puke.(EWW!!!)gross i know..and the person beside me was really starting at me..LOL..she's an old lady..(to somebody:don worry la..just an old lady..XD..hehe..==''..)and the last time i puke, i sorta ran out of the air sickness bag..and then,i asked the person beside me: "COULD I HAVE THE BAG...PLEASE?"..trust me,i was having difficulty saying that because i was on the edge of throwing up..and then the minute she gave me and i opened it..(EWWW!!!)yeah..i puked.==''..

And boy, i was so hungry..==''...and so i reached new zealand(YES!!!) and..reached my aunt's house..unpacked.fell asleep halfway...and nothing much..==''..that's all guys..tata!XD.

MISS YOU GUYS!!!! xoxo.

Packing my stuffs..

2009-11-22T03:06:00.000-08:00

Okay,i'm going to New Zealand tomorrow...
so i'm packing my things..
i've been packing and unpacking the luggage.
After 5 hours..
if you take a look at my luggage,you'll have the surprise of your life.
IT'S STILL TOTALLY EMPTY.
no kidding.

I mean,its not that i'm not excited..its just...this is the first time i've ever been so..not-looking-forward to trips..usually when i hear this kind of news,i would be jumping around the house(yeah,i know i'm hyper..==''..)dancing..and jumping on my bed..singing at the top of my voice..but..this time,everything changes..i'm not even sure this is who i am anymore..==''..oh gosh..we went out of the topic..

so,yesterday..i bought a pair of sneakers...B.U.M equipment..haha..i've been looking for something like this..haha..see my new shoes..=)..

side...oh bummer..it's got dirt on it..==''..so fast..

upper..err..view..haha..so..whaddya guys think??XD

Last Day of school..

2009-11-20T19:45:00.000-08:00

(from left)daniel,nicholas,melanie,puiyie

me and nicholas..LOL.

(from left)puiyie,petrina,siao suan,ho min,me,melanie,chee ching.

(from left)Ying lee,daniel,nicholas,puiyie,me,melanie,petrina,siao suan,chee ching..

So i went to school today as usual..
some of the things were so familiar..
wonder if those will change...
but,there's one thing i hope it will never change..
FRIENDSHIP.

Those teachers wants to break us up,
i'll just say this:

You guys can't break us up,
so if you think this is the best way,
you're wrong. SO WRONG.
Try thinking another way..
wish you guys ''LUCK''....
NOT.XD.

Anyway,i hope no matter what all of us will help each other out,trust each other..
and whoever out there wants to break us up,
i suggest you think about it..well..maybe more than twice..
because when you reach our limits,
you'll pay for the consequences dearly..okay?
Good day to you.

And buddies,i'm sure its not so bad..we'll still find time to spend together..
what we have is time..
no worries..we'll spend lotsa lotsa time together and we'll remain BFFL.

Sure gonna miss you guys..anyway,just wanna wish..
HAPPY HOLIDAY FOLKS!!! XD.

15th of November..a day i would remember until the day i die.

2009-11-15T07:34:00.000-08:00

Okay,on the 15th on november,chee ching,melanie,pui yie,sweelynn,me, ho min and nicholas went to siao suan's house for a gathering. So i went to pui yie's house to pick her up,then we went. When we reached, we ate lunch 1st,haha!! then we went swimming...woohoo!! we spent nearly half an hour choosing our outfits..and changing it..don't get the wrong idea..nicholas changed in another room..haha..and he finished faster than us..so he keep shouting:''WEY!!YOU GUYS FINISH ANOT?!!!"" then we will shout back, "WAIT LARHHS!!!" then diam diam dy outside..haha..

Then we swam for about...2 and more about 3 hours..whoaa guys,i can tell you..my skin was all wrinkled up..and i drank a lot of chlorine water..eww!!!haha..then we went sauna(YEE HAW!!XD) and also chat about anonymous...XD.Then suddenly dunno who say, ''EHHS,I VERY HUNGRY LEHHS..HAHA!!" then we went to do our stuffs like, bathe and change our clothes..then later we went to eat..(WOOHOO!!!) and so,the end....haha..not yet la..there's still more to come..

Then around 6 something, we ordered pizza..i talked to person working, and boy,was she gonna go mad...we keep changing our order..trust me,i did the talking..i nearly knocked my head on the wall..haha..okay..then they all said after 45 minutes,if that person doesn't come,we'll scold him..haha..(EVIL!!!) then after 45 minutes,we gave that person another 2 minutes..he was late..1 minute..so what??so, we didn't scold him lorhhs..==''..

Then everything was fine..i just didn't get why were they lingering down there..then upstairs say ''WAIT!! DON'T COME UP FIRST!! HAVEN'T SET THE TABLE!!'' then we wait lorhhs..then suddenly they say, ''WEY!!WANT TO COME UP ANOT??!!!'' then i run up...it was like,pitch black..and then i heard those confetti pop and then everyone was singing the happy birthday song..haha!!i was like,YOU GUYS DID THIS FOR ME?!! i was..speechless and i was sooo touched..yeah,i nearly cried,but so what?? its not like you get to cry of happiness everyday.. haha!! then we cut the cake..and everyone took pictures and..we got crazy, everyone fed me a mouth of cake..haha!![ i couldn't upload some of the photos..sorry!!! ]anyway,after that...we went to the swimming pool to take some pictures..haha..nicholas got his pants wet..woohoo!!haha..its like,he wet his pants..haha!!

After that,chee ching's father came..so she went home,and i called my mom,and we went home too..haha..it was really a great day..i wish happy times would never end.. its really a night to remember..i took some photos..just have a look at it..enjoy my happy time with me..haha!!

Me and Siao Suan~ XD.

me and melanie..YEAH!! hehe..

lao gong and lao po~joan(me)& sweelynn..=)

me and siao suan...O.o..NEW YORK.hahax~

MEMORIES...i curi from sweelynn de..hehe..xP.

me and melanie=) BFFL.

swee lynn and me!!XD.

The 5 pretty girls..haha!! juz kidding..lol..XD.

A close up of my birthday present in advanced..haha...XD.

sweelynn lao po feeding lao gong~me!XD.

HAHA!!!XD.

We're doing an experiment on before and after..haha..except that this is cake!!XD

Me and Ho min...taking pictures beside the pool..haha..XD.

This is what they did...the cake..its really nice..but what i think is the most precious is the time they spent for planning this sweet surprise.

haha..this is the cake..whaddya guys think??=)

they got this for me..XD!!! I love my friends so much!!!!

BEST FRIENDS FOR LIFE!!!

*sorry if some people's photos were not in..i can't find some of the photos..thousand apologies.=)